To really want to be a SAHM

[Wanttostayhome]

I work PT, but I really don’t want to, I’m saying this here as I can’t stay at home. It wouldn’t be good for my career or pension and there are so many sensible reasons to work. But I don’t actually want to! Does anyone else feel the same?

I thought that as I was so strung out trying to juggle drop offs, work and home etc.
Now I'm a SAHM, likely to never work out of the home again. My health is fucked, ruined my marriage, trapped as can't afford to leave, rubbish example to my daughter.
From the outside, the grass is greener and my life looks good, by my mental health has paid the price.

Why would your husband resent it OP? Surely the three days in the nursery is a cost too? Would it make that much difference if you didn't work your three days? Just talk to him and tell him how you feel and what you think is in the best interests of your DS. He can't argue with that.

Do you think being a SAHM affected your health directly? I can’t work out if it was the staying at home bit or the just generally having children that’s done it but I do struggle with a lot more health problems now.

I can imagine it is tough if you are feeling like you want this time with your DC.
How does your DH feel about it? If he's not 100% then it may build up resentment in him solely supporting the household financially (which is perfectly fine as it's a big responsibility) or he may be happy to support you for a year or so if it's of benefit to you and your family but only you know your DH.

I loved being a SAHM, We had the discussion very early on in our relationship that If we decided we wanted children I would be a SAHM.
We don't regret a second of it, it's been a great time for us.

I agree with a PP that when you say stay at home, you feel like you have to say, but we were hardly at home
We had a great life routine of days out and activities, catching up with friends etc

You do need a very honest conversation though, I think if you DH is not fully on board you do need to stay with your foot in the door, so part time is a great option and 2 days sounds ideal if you can afford it. If your job is easy to get back into, you can always bump it back up if it doesn't suit your family situation.

God no. I worked hard for my career I have no more desire to stay at home than my husband.

I stayed at home for five years with my two babies before I ventured into the world
of “work”. I’ve worked full time and part time and both have been tricky depending on the demands of the job and kids. It’s never straightforward and often you have to fit around finances and kids needs. My kids are at Uni stage now and I’m part time but I think full time would be less stressful and cover more of our outgoings for my kids. But I need also to see
my ageing parents and deal with home crap and three dogs (jeez) and have some time with friends and DH.

No I do it as I love my job.

I've stayed home. I love it. It doesn't build resentment as long as your partner understands how incredibly valuable it is for your children and your family unit.
Do it, they are only little once!

I didn’t work for 9 years whilst my 3 were little. Loved it.

I did do an OU degree though whilst I was off and then I was able to break into work in a new sector. Worked out fine for me and I would happily do it again.

If it works for you why not.

My mum was a sahm and it was great for us, she was always there for us when we got home from school.

She stayed at home even after we grew up. Mum and dad were happy enough so why not.

If I could absolutely guarantee that I could
get a job again in 3/4 years time it wouldn’t be a problem but realistically I can’t guarantee that. I don’t even mind my job much. Just miss DS.

I loved being a SAHM. Best years of my life.

But work is necessary unfortunately!

Being a SAHM for the best part of 10 years was the best thing I ever did.

Dont get me wrong, it had its challenges and was boring sometimes, but i loved seeing the children develop and knowing that it was me responsible for it. I took a great deal of pride in giving it my all.

I have been PT in a flexible job since they went to school so that i can attend all the assemblies etc.

The downside is that i dont have a career and we have less money coming in than some of my professional friends. However, i wouldnt change it for the world. And il be early 40s when the kids are grown, so time to have a career then if i want.

Pros and cons to all set ups really. But i dont blame you for wanting to be there for them

You need to ask yourself if, in 2 years time, your husband asked for a divorce could you manage financially of you are out of work.

I would always promote having your own financial independence. I think it breeds resentment if you are reliant on someone else.

but i loved seeing the children develop and knowing that it was me responsible for

are you a single parent?

Why would it build resentment?

I thought it was sexy that my husband looked after us financially! And i think that he liked that i liked it IYSWIM.

No. Thats different.

Part time sounds ideal - nursery is so beneficial to Children. Personally id always want to know I’m keeping my career ticking over and have my own income

I'm on maternity leave with my third with ten weeks to go till I'm due back. Really don't want to leave my baby, but I know I'm lucky my job is only part time and also term time only. So works great for my older kids. It's low pay but still helps to have the extra income with the cost of everything going up. If I could have a one year career break and then get my exact job back that would be ideal. Baby just feels too young right now to leave.

I loved being a SAHM. I have zero drive or ambition. I went back to work so we could afford to move house to give the kids their own room each. If we could have moved house on DHs salary I never would have gone back to work!

As my sister regularly tells me, I am a traitor to the feminist cause 😁

I'm a forced sahm a
S I had to give up work 4 years ago due to having no suitable childcare for our complex needs son.
I absolutely hate it and would love to go back to work 😩

We would not all stay at home. No fucking way. Lots of us would like more time at home but many of us are super ready to get back to the world

I was a SAHM and it was fine for a while, but then I needed adult company and for someone to say ‘thank you’.
Now I know better, I wish I’d got DH to pay into a private pension for me.

If you can afford it & your partner is in agreement go for it. I was a sahm for many years. Happiest time of my life. Yes for many having a great career is the goal but that can come in time. You'll never get these years back with your babies

So then wasn’t the kids father also responsible`? Do you think men and women who work are not responsible for how their kids develop? What an odd thing to write.