To really want to be a SAHM

[Wanttostayhome]

I work PT, but I really don’t want to, I’m saying this here as I can’t stay at home. It wouldn’t be good for my career or pension and there are so many sensible reasons to work. But I don’t actually want to! Does anyone else feel the same?

@Suprima

Why should unpaid labour be valued?

Oh gosh, this thread has gone a bit unpleasant

DH would not resent me now. If I said to him … look, I really am not coping … he’d be OK with me being a SAHM. But that’s now.

Five years down the line when DS is at school things will look different. And life really is just about perfect, I have a good work life balance and DS does benefit from nursery, if I have another baby I’ll get maternity pay and so on.

But I do have to say it’s really quite snide and mean to imply that because someone is a SAHP they are ‘boring’ and ‘lack ambition’ and have ‘nothing to talk about.’ Tbh I’d be bored by anyone talking to me about their work. I love DH to death but i mentally switch off when he starts talking about work! Does anyone really regale people with tales from product design or the classroom or whatever it is you do?

It’s true I’m not scrambling for promotions, but that’s not indicative or lacking ambition, just a different set of ambitions.

On maternity leave at the moment. Looking forward to going back. 😁😁

I'm a SAHM and absolutely love it! I'm kept very busy but at my pace and I am there 100% for my family. When my husband and I were dating, I told him straight out that I wanted to be a housewife and mother. It's been a dream come true.

Of course people 'regale' others with their work stories

It's called conversation

Most friends are interested in what their friends do day to day

It's a bit weird you think that's unusual

Some of my friends have really interesting jobs so we talk a lot about them in fact

So a conversation about work is interesting, even if the nature of that work is not, but a conversation about children is dull?

@Wanttostayhome

But I do have to say it’s really quite snide and mean to imply that because someone is a SAHP they are ‘boring’ and ‘lack ambition’ and have ‘nothing to talk about.’ Tbh I’d be bored by anyone talking to me about their work.

I don't think anyone was saying SAHPs were boring or lacked ambition. You posted something asking if others can relate to the idea that you didn't want to have to work. Lots of people agreed with you and some people said they would be bored because they like working. The output of posting a question like this on a chat board is that you will get a diverse range of opinions.

You then go on to do exactly what you've accused of others doing, in saying you are "bored" listening to your husband talk about this work. You can't have it both ways. If you want people not to say SAHPs are boring you shouldn't accuse people who do work of the same thing.

I never said conversations about kids were dull

But personally I get more from chatting about work than someone else's kids recurring cough

What, even if someone’s a carer in an old folks home and wants to talk about their coughs?

Its not whether it’s work or children, is it? It’s the nature of the conversation. Going out to work doesn’t make you interesting, any more than staying at home makes you dull.

So funny that you posted this op as I was thinking the exact same yesterday and I nearly started a thread.

I used to love my job years ago, I also worked part time. All I'm interested in now is my kids, pottering about keeping the house nice, cooking, baking. I'm not sure what's happened to me or what I've turned into.

If he wants a wife who works, then he should make sure he marries that type of woman. If he's planning a family with a wife who thinks she would want to SAH, or she isn't sure, then he needs to plan accordingly and step up when the time comes. That's life. So many women making excuses for men at their own expense.

No but it gives you something 'else' in your life, and that something else is then something to talk about.

On Mat leave after a few months it was boring as the same conversations were had most days. Kids aren't that interesting. And other peoples kids even less so.

And yes I suppose some of that will depend on your friendship circle, I don't know anyone who works in care, 99% of my friends and family are professionals so conversation about work is usually interesting and engaging.

Why?

Why shouldn't the woman save up enough before taking time out of work if that's what she wants to do!

Why can't women be expected to fund their own choices?

Oh Pickled, you are showing who you are, aren’t you?

"Kids aren't that interesting."

Better to leave your kids to someone who finds them interesting then.

What? Someone with a life outside being a mother

Yes showing exactly who I am

Whether you like it or not most people who aren't SAHMs will find them boring

Especially those who are SAHMs for financial reasons as they often don't fill their time with activities (due to costs)

Your poor husband.

I did for a while OP and it was as lovely as I thought it would be. So I don't blame you! It didn't really impact me long term career wise (other than obviously not warning anything while being a SAHM). It let me take the leap to become a contractor which I love...maybe others wouldn't as I suppose the job security etc isn't the same but the lack of a permanent boss, feeling like my own boss and lots more flexibility makes me extremely happy!

Still refusing to answer why it's down to men to fund womens choices

Funny that

"Why can't women be expected to fund their own choices?"

Why the hell should she? Yes, save up by all means and that's wise regardless. But why should a married woman have to carry on as if she is single, because a man going to work and supporting his family for a few years, or even indefinitely, is now 'extraordinary' apparently?

Why should people be expected to pay for expensive decisions they've made unilaterally?

Are you for real?

If my husband decides to give up work tomorrow to study for a masters I'd sure as heck expect him to save up for it beforehand and not take from the 'family' pot or my salary

Same applies here

Thankfully most women return to work after having children, the majority of which want to.

@thecrunch

If he wants a wife who works then he should make sure he marries that type of woman.

What “type” of woman would that be then? Do they have tattoos on their foreheads to indicate that they are working women?

Why should any of us judge? Live and let live. People have different marriages with different strategies that work for them so sometimes that'll be SAHMs, sometimes not, sometimes pooling financial resources, sometimes not. Why the negativity?

Some things are down to men yes - and so they should be. Just like childbirth is down to women. Supporting your family financially is something that men should expect to do for a given period because they are better placed to do that in the early years if a child's life. Men do not give birth, breastfeed or have the same type of emotional responses to having a baby. This hardly needs pointing out. So their primary role at this time is different and they should expect that. That's life.

Lord knows what you think should happen in same sex relationships, when children are involved.