ExDH is furious I’m keeping his name… AIBU?

[NCsurname]

Divorce recently finalised after being separated from exDH for some time. I received a message this morning from exDH who noticed that my married name is still present on my LinkedIn profile. I politely responded to let him know that I wont be changing my surname back to my maiden name and left it at that.

Received a barrage of abuse in response so I’m wondering, AIBU?

For context,

1. we don’t have children, but I’m now known well professionally under my married name.
2. the name isn’t particularly unique or uncommon, so I don’t feel it specifically links to him in any way. Also, I’ve moved away since the split so it’s not as if he’s having to see me around and be reminded of it.
3. I found the process of changing my name after marriage to be a massive hassle and given the stress involved in the divorce itself, I’d rather not bother with the admin of name changing again.
4. I’ve grown to like the name and it just feels like “me”. I never liked my maiden name and feel as though a nice surname is the only good thing I got from the marriage!

AIBU? I should point out that I’m now in a new relationship, my new partner is well aware of all of this and sees no issue.

You get to decide what you’re called. And nobody else! YANBU at all.

YANBU. This is your name now, it's nothing to do with him.

It is YOUR name. None of his business.

Nah, YANBU, it is your name now. He can get bent.

Totally up to you. T

(I’m assuming you’re just using his surname - ie Sarah Jones - rather than referring to yourself as Mrs Simon Jones? The latter probably would be a bit odd 🤣🤣)

You can call yourself anything you like, it's nothing to do with him. Tell him to fuck off.

It's your name, he didn't lease it to you.

Are you still going to call yourself Mrs xxx, or go back to Miss xxx?

That is the name you have chosen to be known by, none of his business.

You could always suggest he changes his name... 🤣

Tell him it's not his name, that you gave that one back to The Name Registry as it was tarnished and got a newer version of the same name.

It's not HIS name, it's YOUR name.

I see why you divorced him, well done you!

I divorced last year and have kept my married name. Like you say it saves all the hassle of changing it with everyone and also saves on admin fees and like you say you get used to it. It's completely up to you. 😊

Well I get they it’s your name now but personally if I didn’t have children I can’t see why you’d want to keep I really

YANBU. It is not his name, it is your name.

It’s your name now, to do with what you choose.

Because it’s still her name.

Presumably you are Ms not Mrs, but you can use whatever name you want. I couldn’t wait to get rid of my married name, lol, but each to their own. Your ex can GTF!

It's your name now, he doesn't get a vote.

I'd do the same if DH and I split, I think; my maiden surname was common and bland and I've been this name for a long time now, it feels like mine and it's what I've built my career as.

Thanks everyone. To answer the questions, I don’t still refer to myself as “Mrs”. It’s just the surname I am keeping the same.

If you want your wife to take your name then you have to accept that it then belongs to them. If you don't want that then have that conversation when you get married. Too late now!

It's your name. Nothing he can do about it and nothing to do with him anymore.

OP gave several reasons why she wants to keep it and why it works for her though.

YANBU.

I bet he would have been difficult if you had decided not to change your name to match his when you got married as well, wouldn't he?

Well, I guess he should have thought about that.

It's as much yours as his now.

I’d keep mine. Far too much hassle to change it all, and I’ve used it as my professional name for nearly 2 decades…

If you don't live near him, and you don't have kids with him, I'd just block him. Then he can rant and rave to himself without bothering you.