ExDH is furious I’m keeping his name… AIBU?

[NCsurname]

Divorce recently finalised after being separated from exDH for some time. I received a message this morning from exDH who noticed that my married name is still present on my LinkedIn profile. I politely responded to let him know that I wont be changing my surname back to my maiden name and left it at that.

Received a barrage of abuse in response so I’m wondering, AIBU?

For context,

1. we don’t have children, but I’m now known well professionally under my married name.
2. the name isn’t particularly unique or uncommon, so I don’t feel it specifically links to him in any way. Also, I’ve moved away since the split so it’s not as if he’s having to see me around and be reminded of it.
3. I found the process of changing my name after marriage to be a massive hassle and given the stress involved in the divorce itself, I’d rather not bother with the admin of name changing again.
4. I’ve grown to like the name and it just feels like “me”. I never liked my maiden name and feel as though a nice surname is the only good thing I got from the marriage!

AIBU? I should point out that I’m now in a new relationship, my new partner is well aware of all of this and sees no issue.

This is also a small percentage of why as I knows it winds it up 😆

He can change his name if he is so bothered.

Haha

I had exactly the same from my ex OP.

Now the only thing I still have in my married name is the bank account he transfers the CM into every month. I feel like I have the last laugh every month, knowing that he still has to send a transfer to Mrs ExH name. It took me ages to change everything else bck. But I'm leaving that one.

YANBU, you're perfectly entitled to keep your name. Why is he still looking you up on LinkedIn though? I'd be inclined to block him.

Can you even imagine being the kind of woman who got furious because her fella's ex had kept her married name. They need a slap cross the chops with a wet trout.

It’s not his name, it’s your name too

Yes, exactly.

Personally I don't get why OP wanted to change it in the first place, but that's irrelevant. The point is that she did, and since we live in a free country she can continue to use whatever name she likes. She can call herself Princess Consuela Banana Hammock if she wants and it's still got the square root of fuck all to do with her ex.

Order fancy monogrammed stationary with your initials in an all over watermark with matching envelopes in your full name and reply to him on that.

And sign off as the First Mrs. ExDH.

I totally see his point and can't understand why women keep their married names upon separation.. It's his name, you wouldn't have it had you not got married, I wouldn't want the association at all, I would want a name that's my name, that I didn't get from someone I'm now not with anymore..

I would advise him to change his name.

He expected you to, twice but won't do it himself, once!

Looks like it’s time to delete him off your LinkedIn!

YANBU. I kept my married name, despite having no children and having since remarried (well, civil partnership). It has been my name for almost 20 years, so no, I’m not going to change it. My exH had no issue with it, and my new partner would have been foolish to say anything. Though, admittedly, my mother was very confused 😂

Women keeping their married name even after divorce is really common in academia and the legal field in my experience, simply because you get known by that name professionally. The connections, name recognition and respect that is attached to the name 'Mrs. Jane Doe' which you worked under for years has worth and so keeping it as Ms. Jane Doe after divorce means keeping a client base, professional connections and a record of cases won or academic citations. The idea of changing back to your maiden name and having to build up name recognition again from scratch in a business or professional field is unreasonable. Ignore your exH. He doesn't own the name.

Of course it’s your name now! I’m curious if he wanted you to take it on marriage?

Yep!

YANBU and I did the same thing, purely because I'd always disliked my Maiden name, am NC with my Dad, and my EXH's name is very common anyway.

I got married again this year and now have my Husband's surname. I found the transition from my previous married name to this married name much harder than changing from my Maiden name because it had grown to feel more 'mine'.

You were unreasonable to even respond to him.

How ridiculous, ignore him and keep your name.

If only there was a way for women to avoid this kind of hassle

Good for you. You deserve a nice pat on the head for being a compliant little woman.

This is really none of his business anymore. Up to you what you want to be called. Block him. He sounds very immature. Sounds like he was he spying on you on LinkedIn btw.

You use whatever name you want!
I kept my married name, because I want to have the same surname as my children.
But I go by Ms Married Name now rather than Mrs Married Name 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well, women would avoid this kind of hassle if their ex-husbands didn't behave like dickheads too. I say this as a Lucy Stoner myself, but it's not like you sign up for this if you decide to take your husband's name. If OP were a newlywed complaining about the faff of changing all her documents, ringing round everywhere and all the rest of it I'd see your point.

I know many woman that keep their surname the same after divorce, actually more that keep their name than those that decide to change back to maiden name

YANBU

Men can’t have it both ways - want us to take their name when we get married, but not keep it when separated. If they want us to take their name, they can bugger off with the proprietary over it.