ExDH is furious I’m keeping his name… AIBU?

[NCsurname]

Divorce recently finalised after being separated from exDH for some time. I received a message this morning from exDH who noticed that my married name is still present on my LinkedIn profile. I politely responded to let him know that I wont be changing my surname back to my maiden name and left it at that.

Received a barrage of abuse in response so I’m wondering, AIBU?

For context,

1. we don’t have children, but I’m now known well professionally under my married name.
2. the name isn’t particularly unique or uncommon, so I don’t feel it specifically links to him in any way. Also, I’ve moved away since the split so it’s not as if he’s having to see me around and be reminded of it.
3. I found the process of changing my name after marriage to be a massive hassle and given the stress involved in the divorce itself, I’d rather not bother with the admin of name changing again.
4. I’ve grown to like the name and it just feels like “me”. I never liked my maiden name and feel as though a nice surname is the only good thing I got from the marriage!

AIBU? I should point out that I’m now in a new relationship, my new partner is well aware of all of this and sees no issue.

Try reading the OP, it clearly states why

It's just a name, he doesn't own it and so if you are professionally known by that name and prefer it, he will have to lump it. It's a name which presumably many other people share, not an ownership tag from your ex

I am reminded of Tina Turner who apparently had to fight her ex husband Ike Turner to keep the name. Even though he was abusive she wanted to stay Tina Turner as she was well-known as that. Good alliteration too!

She doesn't need to give a reason.

Even if her reason is "because it will piss him off", that is a good enough reason.

YANBU. It costs money to change your name back for a start. It's actually a change of deedpoll I believe? I understand it's totally your right to keep it. Lots do to be the same as their children and for other reasons such as professional status, maiden name was awful etc. Tell him to get stuffed and block him on LinkedIn

Because that's the name she is known by and likes. It's her name. Surely that's not hard to understand? It's a choice and she's made hers. The fact that her exdh is having a hissy fit because he thinks the name is "his" is probably an indication of why he is the exdh.

Mine was like this. I just laughed at him

It's your name. You could have changed your name to it without having anything to do with him.

Keep your name and block him. He's given you another reason as to why he's your ex.

Maybe you could offer him your maiden name @NCsurname 😉

In my experience the men who are furious that their ex retained her married name post-divorce are the same ones who'd have been fuming if she hadn't taken his name upon marrying.

Dickheads dictating to women what their identity should be.

Agree it’s an unusual thing to do and you will probably get questions from friends & family- but who cares? It’s none of his damn business and he certainly shouldn’t be yelling at you over it.

Situations like this are one of many reasons I cannot comprehend why women continue to name themselves after their husbands.

It’s just a name, it’s up to you.

I kept my married name upon divorce, we have kids and i wanted the same name as them. And to be honest i am so fucking lazy i couldnt be arsed with form filling and deed poll shit, I dont even like my married name either.

Me ex has never said a word, infact we have been divorced 23 years and i have been Mrs XX longer than i was Miss XX. But i have slowly started to change some things back to my maiden name, (facebook for a start).

Thinking about getting remarried and yes i will change my name again!

This made me laugh 😃

When i split with me ex DH i kept my married name. I was fucked if i was going to have a different name to my own kids while the woman he had met, engaged and married within 10 months of our seperation would have their name. He went mental( So did she)I didnt give a shiny shite. Thats your name now OP and I would like to guess you worked bloody hard for it. Tell him to jog on.

I wonder if there is a new soon to be Mrs who doesn't like that you will share a surname with her.

Either way it's your name so your choice. As your divorce is now final and you don't share children I'd block him.

hahaaa just tell him that on reflection you realised getting to change your name was the only good thing about the relationship and you’re hanging onto it. Soz. Suggest he try changing his, then he might get why you liked it.

Block him and have no further contact

What you choose to be called is nothing to do with him. I kept my ex husband's surname because it's my name and I didn't see why I'd have to give it back just because the marriage didn't work out.

My ex told me I could keep my married name after much deliberation. I politely pointed out that it wasn't his to give or take away. I kept it to have the same surname as my children. I am now a Ms.

This.

Thank you everyone! I certainly feel better after reading all of these!

He’s blocked on every outlet except LinkedIn which I hadn’t even thought of until he popped up! He’ll be blocked on there as well now.

Ignore him. The choice is yours to make, not his.

Him being annoyed about this would probably make me even more determined to keep the name if I were you.

I'd tell him I'll do it for £20,000

😁

Divorced. Twat told me ( as if it was his choice) that I had to revert back to my maiden name- couldn't understand why I wouldn't as wanted to have the same name as our children went on and on still does. Now he's engaged to be married again keeping it still! My children come first not him. Also wanted back my private reg which has my initial special birthday number and abbreviation of surname. It's mine I've had it over ten years sorry why do I need to give it back to you?! They just try to cling onto any control twats