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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think being a single parent makes some things almost impossible?

157 replies

Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:06

Have had to take my youngest to a&e, which means I've had to take my eldest (9 years old) along too because there is no one to watch him
It's now 2am and we've been here for 5 hours and we are on the edge of a massive meltdown happening and there's literally nothing at all I can do, no one I can call to come and get him or to help so I just have to let it happen basically.
I don't know why I'm even going to do if he kicks off on the middle of the a&e childrens waiting room.
No real point to this post but I am just really stuck and sick of being in situations where I am stuck, just venting really

OP posts:
Original poster
Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:09

Somehow forgot to put in my post,
eldest have sen (autism and adhd)

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/09/2022 02:10

There is a difference to being a single parent and being a parent with no friends or family.

Is there really no-one you can call?

Does he have friends at school?

I hope you get seen and sorted soon. What is wrong with your youngest?

Original poster
Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:14

No one at all, my parents my parents would be the only real option but they drink heavily every night and no way they'd be safe to drive, or willing to even help anyway and he doesn't really have many friends or anything.
youngest is saying that he has food stuck in his throat and he can't cough it out so I really can't leave until he's been seen

OP posts:
user29 · 20/09/2022 02:17

I am so sorry.Nobod6 should be waiting 5 hours to be seen, especially in the middle of the night.
My mil had to wait 8 hours the other day.she ix diabetic and had no access to food or insulin They basically didn't care

HighlandPony · 20/09/2022 02:19

You need a village. Friends, siblings, cousins, second cousins, neighbours etc.

I’m not a single parent but I’m holding the fort alone at least 85% of the time. Without my village (and we all do live in the villages-literally) I’d be stuffed and so would they. not helpful tonight but you need to get yourself some support

Original poster
Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:37

I have also just realised I have no idea if we will even be able to get home because I didn't think we'd be here until gone 2am there's a chance there won't be any Ubers at 3-4am whenever we can finally leave and I have no physical cash for a taxi because I just never really carry it.
had enough of life at this point

OP posts:
alanabennett · 20/09/2022 02:37

It's so much easier for me to say it than for you to do it, but you really do need to put a lot of energy into building your "village". I moved overseas to a city renowned for being hard for outsiders to crack, and it took a lot of work to meet friends and build a support network. It pays off now but it's bloody hard work. I sympathize, I really do.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/09/2022 02:46

youngest is saying that he has food stuck in his throat and he can't cough it out so I really can't leave until he's been seen

This sounds totally bogus. If he can talk and breathe, then he doesn't need to be in A&E. Just go home.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/09/2022 02:47

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Original poster
Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:50

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Asking for money how??? I have money so people sending me money would make no difference ??

OP posts:
HighlandPony · 20/09/2022 02:50

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It doesn’t really. If any of us lived close enough to drive to her and hand her physical cash wouldn’t we just drive her home instead? The issue isn’t no money it’s no cash. Like coins and paper notes. Most taxis only take cash not card.

Original poster
Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:51

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/09/2022 02:46

youngest is saying that he has food stuck in his throat and he can't cough it out so I really can't leave until he's been seen

This sounds totally bogus. If he can talk and breathe, then he doesn't need to be in A&E. Just go home.

It happened last week and he managed to cough it out eventually but this time he couldn't.

OP posts:
tonightelmowillrise · 20/09/2022 02:55

Faithin · 20/09/2022 02:51

It happened last week and he managed to cough it out eventually but this time he couldn't.

Show quote history

What do you mean? He had a lump of food just sitting in his throat? If it’s not affecting his breathing, is it really an a&e job?

EddyF · 20/09/2022 02:57

How is the OP asking for money? No sympathy.

I hope things get better for you. One bad day is not a measure of your life. At least you care about your children.

SD1978 · 20/09/2022 03:04

Have you tried a can of coke? It's the first line of treatment in my department, as long as they can swallow and aren't having to spit up their saliva. I can not count the number of cans I've bought for highly dubious patients who have been 'cured' within a few mouthfuls. And it has to be coke specifically. If it works, I'd advise you to see the GP as if he's regularly complaining of food boluses then it would need to be seen by a specialty.

tonightelmowillrise · 20/09/2022 03:05

SD1978 · 20/09/2022 03:04

Have you tried a can of coke? It's the first line of treatment in my department, as long as they can swallow and aren't having to spit up their saliva. I can not count the number of cans I've bought for highly dubious patients who have been 'cured' within a few mouthfuls. And it has to be coke specifically. If it works, I'd advise you to see the GP as if he's regularly complaining of food boluses then it would need to be seen by a specialty.

Why specifically coke? Would another fizzy drink not work? Would Diet Coke work?

SD1978 · 20/09/2022 03:06

A food bolus is an A&E job- may need to have a scope to remove it. I wouldn't worry yourself on those who say it's not if he genuinely does have one. Most people are still able to swallow and speak around it- otherwise it's a full obstruction which would be an emergency.

SD1978 · 20/09/2022 03:07

@tonightelmowillrise - nope- it's the ingredients in coke soecifically- have also unblocked multiple peg tubes with the same. Can't tell you the science, but it has to be coke and works the vast majority of the time!!

HighlandPony · 20/09/2022 03:09

SD1978 · 20/09/2022 03:07

@tonightelmowillrise - nope- it's the ingredients in coke soecifically- have also unblocked multiple peg tubes with the same. Can't tell you the science, but it has to be coke and works the vast majority of the time!!

All I’m seeing here is coke and mentos mints….. 😜

autocollantes · 20/09/2022 03:10

OP my full sympathies. It's really hard to build a village. I can't count the number of times people have said similar to me. I happen to live in a place where virtually everybody has parents around and simply doesn't get what it is not to have that. The people who don't seem to have au pairs. So they don't get it really either.

Plus building a village around you is really, really hard work when you're exhausted, which I'm going to hazard a guess you are most days.

I hope you can be seen really soon.

Patapouf · 20/09/2022 03:33

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😂 and how would you physically give the OP cash for a taxi, are you in the waiting room too?

OP didn't say she couldn't afford a taxi, she mentions Uber! She said she doesn't have actual cash for an old fashioned cab.

Sorry OP, hope you get seen soon or at least get given a private room to wait in so your eldest can relax a bit.

Relevanceiskey · 20/09/2022 04:28

OP I haven't been in a taxi in the last 6 or 7 years that hasn't taken card! Ask before you get in or when you phone for one but I'd be shocked if they didn't.

medianewbie · 20/09/2022 04:31

OP. I get it. 'Building a village" when your eldest has SN is not easy. Longest night if my life was when Ds, 14, was blue lighted in during Covid. My youngest, 12, also asd had to come too. Literally no one else to take her.
I hope your kids gets seen quickly & you can all get safely home to your own bed soon xxx

pinkbear95 · 20/09/2022 05:01

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You really have no sense at all @GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Unless you have issues with comprehension, you’ll see the OP mentions not being able to get an Uber due to the time. Uber takes card payments or Apple pay so OP clearly has money. How can they ask complete strangers for money unless someone was going to drop her physical cash….

Ignore that comment OP, some people are purposely obtuse. Really sorry to hear you’re in this situation and I can’t imagine how difficult it must be having absolutely no one. What would happen to you if you were ever admitted into hospital (God forbid), surely there must be someone? Anyone?? A cousin, siblings, auntie, uncle, not even one good friend to rely on?

foxy123 · 20/09/2022 05:13

The issue with 'building a village' as a single parent is then the village start expecting favours back. When you're already on your knees and only asking for help because you're desperate, the last thing you need is to have more added to your plate.