To think being a single parent makes some things almost impossible?

I really feel for you OP. This was very nearly me last week with baby and toddler. I only hoped that the toddler might be so difficult at a and e that they would take pity and see baby a bit sooner.

I barely have the time or energy for my own children right now let alone building up a village of people happy to drop everything in the middle of the night to look after a toddler. Even if you have plenty of friends and acquaintances (which can be tough when you’re a single parent anyway) you’re not necessarily going to have that kind of support.

Hope you got back ok.

It maybe worth asking for a referral to SaLT.

A&E is the worst. I had to bring my baby and toddler with me all night one night. Baby couldn't sleep and was screaming. Someone fell to the floor and had a seizure next to DS. I ended up having to be admitted so I was able to pay their childminder on an emergency basis. It is so so hard when you're a single parent and there's no one who can help.

Absolutely agree with you. You don't need a village. Just one person who can be there for you is enough a d you can clearly return the favours if the need be.

Relationships are complex and " you be my village" with no reprocity is strange and codependent.

Yes and the single/lone parent will quickly be judged as weird/ wrong for any display of needy behaviour. The people who are in a healthy place in life with plenty of networks/ support IME pick up on that really quickly, back away from the needy mother and even band together away from her. It's human nature to target/exclude the weakest in any social group. So far from getting support, needy behavior is likely to result in a higher degree of social isolation.

I hope you're all safely home and well now OP.

Sadly a lot of people don't have a clue when it comes to others in circumstances different from their own.

Single parenting sucks...I say that as mum of a just turned 18yo NT DD. I can't imagine being in your shoes. You're a superhero.

^^this. I have been in your situation op and it's brutal. Thankfully mine are now old enough to be left but I've been there. It does get a bit better (although I know that's no consolation right now). Just wanted you to know you're not alone.

OP hope you and the DC are all ok, some of the responses on here are shocking!!

I can't help with your situation right now, but if it does happen again I echo what another poster said about coke.

I was told this by a paramedic when DS did exactly what yours did and got food stuck, not affecting breathing but in discomfort.

He was at MILs and she phoned 111 (during covid so she didn't really know what else to do!) I went round and arrived as the paramedic did, he managed to get it unstuck with coke MIL had in the house.

I am a single (lone) parent. I have a 'village' of people I could call for a chat in the daytime, even get them to pop over some groceries, ask for a lift (although I drive anyway). Not so many could do a 3am call from A and E though- most people have their own children and their own jobs, they can't just get up in the middle of the night to help me. I've done A and E many times on my own and had to leave one child there to return to other child who despite being a teen, needed me. I can't call my elderly parents at 3am, although they might try to drive over, they can't drive in the dark!

All this village shit is seriously annoying.

I have been there for a friend at 2am when her kid was sick, but that's when my husband was alive and could look after my two littles so I could help her, and her husband could look after the other child.

People have no idea of the stress of being a lone parent, even with some helping hands around.

@Faithin glad he is ok, you sound like you did ace, but it's just so exhausting for you. As you say, who are these people queuing up to take other people's SN and possibly difficult/upset/meltdown kids at 3am? I really don't think that's realistic. My friends with children with SN simply never get a break, not for 30 min, unless it's paid for respite because other people do not volunteer to have tricky kids around their own kids, they just don't.

Sadly true.
In my case it became unmanageable with frequent calls at all hours, expectation of financial support etc
Social support networks are built over time and any attempt at escalation without this feels like you are being targeted.
I hope this doesnt offend anyone because actually I think its important to discuss honestly.

Glad you are home @Faithin

@Sisisisi I agree, if you are tired from parenting yourself, taking on other people's even more difficult kids is just not a think most people have the capacity to do.

Saying 'get a village' makes it sound like the single parent's own fault.

Really respite care and backup services have been cut to the bone, especially in the pandemic, and that's a huge problem. May not solve the 3am problem but if the OP had respite once or twice a week, the overload and exhausting and carer burnout would not be so close to the surface.

This is a structural underfunding problem that can't be solved by asking other in your 'village' (many of whom work p/t and f/t as well as have their own kids) to step up, they don't have time with dual income lives either.

Absolutely this.

Most mums I know of through school are in couples and have no interest in welcoming a lone mum into their social groups.

Plus having a ND child means there's a stronger likelihood you may be ND yourself - another factor that makes finding a 'village' harder.

Absolutely!
Its also happening in MH, complete lack of funding and provision.
So its " talk to someone"
Ah yes you have C-PTSD , addiction and feel suicidal -having a nice chat with a work colleague, who is utterly burnt out, struggling and completely out of their depth will solve all your problems!
Its a disgrace !
Glad you are home Op

Glad it all worked out OK, OP.

I don't think a lot of people realise just how broken the A & E system is.

I agree with a lot of posts here.

Except that it's somehow different of you only have one child. You are still isolated with same impact on your mental health. But can also acknowledge it's then even harder with multiple children, and again with sen.

Important to consider that anyone without a strong social network is possibly in that situation in the first place due to a traumatic family background. May have cptsd even before they have kids. May be more likely as a result of that trauma to be vulnerable and pick wrong relationships (potentially without realising) and that's how they end up as single parent in the first place. So there is then no network to fall back on, they never had one. Anyone coming from a strong healthy family background will find it hard to understand how alone that mother is. And if that's you, you might not be confident in approaching others for friendships, or trust yourself around other people. And so on.

And because humans are social animals, 'the village' is likely to pick up on your body language, and reject you - if someone even wants a new friend, they are probably looking for someone strong like them with social value. Not someone they will need to carry, who can give little back. That's not how the supposed 'village' works.

This is SO true. You've captured this very well.

Well done for surviving OP!

Take it as easy as you can today. You must be shattered

May have cptsd even before they have kids. May be more likely as a result of that trauma to be vulnerable and pick wrong relationships (potentially without realising) and that's how they end up as single parent in the first place. So there is then no network to fall back on, they never had one. Anyone coming from a strong healthy family background will find it hard to understand how alone that mother is. And if that's you, you might not be confident in approaching others for friendships, or trust yourself around other people. And so on.

Such an insightful post. Some people have a fundamental lack of support - they've never had it and it's shaped their entire lives. It can affect your employability and your ability to make and maintain relationships. In situations like that, suggestions like 'reach out' or 'build a village' are basically impossible.

Not having support has shaped my entire life. I HAVE to be able to handle everything myself. Because people say no, or aren’t available, or are away. Not necessarily their fault - they have their own lives to lead. Few people can finish work early because their friend or neighbour has to take the dog to emergency vets and has no one to pick up their child. When you have no one you can rely on, you have to be self reliant.

I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t feel so invisible. I feel like a conquer bloody mountains on a daily basis, and no one even notices!

as a single parent, with a useless ill ex partner, and no family nearby, having tried many times to set up a support network, I still feel there are very few people I could call on in an emergency, to the point where even if I did try to call these people expect they wouldn't help. That's despite trying so many times! People have their own families, lives, work, school runs and situations. Unfortunately many are not reliable, available or helpful enough to help even in an emergency.

@Eeksteek I’ve never thought about this before but I’m exactly the same