AIBU to think this party is too big?

[lurkinglaura124]

My DD asked for a party for her birthday and before agreeing I wanted a rough idea of how many people would be there and she said around 20! I was gobsmacked and told her absolutely not maximum 15 but ideally around 10 would be fine. She thinks IABU because her friends are having bigger parties however our house is smaller. AIBU to only allow 10-15 people to this party? She also wants it to finish far too late at 11pm but im thinking 9:30/45 is more reasonable.ostalgi

11-midnightish

17 and you want the party to end at 9:30! Your poor DD will be mortified.

It's a shame that a (presumably) adult measures the success (or otherwise) of a party by how much mess it creates and how many people are sick.

Surely the point is that the party giver and her guests had a good time?

You found the guests cleaning the kitchen... I agree with PP that sounds like a shit party.

11 pm seems a fair end point. 9/9.30 is more for early teens.

Im not sure about numbers as it depends what your house can fit and what you can afford

9.30 "curfew" is predrinks isn't it at that age?
Is the plan that they all go on somewhere after your party?

How old is she? What is the theme, if any, for the party.

9:30 finish at 17!

Your poor daughter!

At that age, I would (and have previously) allow midnight finish.

I don’t leave the house, but make myself scarce.

My 12 year old has people over later than half 9.

I think your DD is being more than reasonable with her request for her party to finish at 11pm. Also I don’t think 20 people is that many. I have had nearly that amount over for Christmas day and my house is tiny!

She’s going to be 17, I’d let her have 20 friends over and leave them to it.

Parties didn't start until 9pm when I was 17!

OP If she goes out with her friends, do you expect her home by 9:30pm?

At that age I think 11 pm is appropriate. We used to let ours have parties that late when they were younger than that, supervised by older siblings. Specified no alcohol though.

9:30 curfew for a 17 year old?!

Number of people I agree with you. 20 in one small house is a lot. The time however? I think for 17 year olds 11pm is absolutely reasonable

At 17 10 people is hanging out, not a party. At that age all our parties were about thirty people, with alcohol and the parents stayed in their bedroom until midnight when it would end.

👆

YABVU expecting a party for 17year olds to end around 9.30 pm. Personally I would allow it until Midnight, so a request for 11pm by your daughter is a more than reasonable request

Is your house REALLY too small for 20 guests? They'll spread out into the hall and the kitchen as well as your living room if your house is small. Could you also put up some kind of awning and a patio heater in your garden too?

come on OP! Are you going to have her play pass the parcel too? go out for the night and give her the freedom and deal with the mess in the morning

I'd hire a small hall nearby. 20 friends isn't a big ask and 11pm is perfectly acceptable considering her age. You could have it at your house on the basis that usually 50% don't come. If it's a squash then think where you can hire somewhere.

I voted YANBU, thinking she was about 11. At 17 I was out drinking in town with my friends (I never got ID’d until I actually turned 18 🤷🏻‍♀️), so a party that my mum insisted on ending at 9.45 would have been mortifying. If she’s a good girl and her friends are well behaved and respectful as well, I don’t see why you wouldn’t allow her this treat for her birthday.

Yabu re times. 11pm is normal for teenagers - even me, and I was very square.

Yanbu re numbers if that's the size of your house. Can't do much about that.

We have a music off at midnight, everybody gone by 2am.

Parties happen once or twice a year.

At 17, we would have gone down the pub and got the last bus back

Give her some slack