AIBU to think this party is too big?

[lurkinglaura124]

My DD asked for a party for her birthday and before agreeing I wanted a rough idea of how many people would be there and she said around 20! I was gobsmacked and told her absolutely not maximum 15 but ideally around 10 would be fine. She thinks IABU because her friends are having bigger parties however our house is smaller. AIBU to only allow 10-15 people to this party? She also wants it to finish far too late at 11pm but im thinking 9:30/45 is more reasonable.ostalgi

20 people until 11pm seems like a pretty moderate request tbh.

20 people - 1am, plus as many as she can fit on her floor to kip over, including the caveat they tidy up the whole place before they leave the next day!

But if you don’t want a party at your home that’s absolutely fine!

Your daughter's request is more than reasonable. At 17 I was out clubbing until the small hours and going on 18-30 holidays abroad.

If you must restrict the numbers meet her half way at 15 people but a finish time of 11pm (hell, even midnight) is perfectly acceptable for 17 year old's party.

I think 20 people for an 11pm party is fine for a 17 year old, but I would want to check with her she is very clear it is invitees only and to communicate this clearly as you don't want to end up with everyone's mate's cousin's nephew there because they were told it was 'OK to come'

Blimey I moved out at 17 and was going out clubbing! Is there any alternative to hosting it at your house?

Numbers yes, finish time no.

You will be fine. There will be no party. No 17 year old will want a party that ends at 9.45 and a party of only 20 isn't a party anyway at that age.

Also don't be surprised when it is this 17 year old who goes completely mad when they go off to uni because they have been so restricted beforehand.

10 people isn’t really a party more of a gathering 😂

😂 my 12 year old would have a party that ended at 9.30!

At 17 I was in town drinking using a fake ID only just left the house at that time!

I'm sorry, you can of course limit number of attendees but 9.30 is just ridiculous.

The home owner cares.

Also we never struggled to get served at that age and had our parties in pubs and even clubs lol.

Midnight is fine for her age group. As long as they’re not making enough noise to disturb your neighbours.

20 people is ok, I've had teens parties for similar numbers but make sure guest list doesnt grow too much- friends of friends etc

I did insist the party ended by midnight as I wanted to go to bed!

Easier when they turn 18 and can celebrate in pubs and clubs but in a way at least when they are at yours you know where they are!

No way! 20 or so 18 yr olds. Nope it wouldn’t be happening. I had a party at 14 with roughly 15 people and my house got wrecked. Absolutely totalled….

however 9.30 ending! She’ll be mocked!

If you have a garden, most of them will end up out there so just let her have 20.
And 9:30?? Are you serious? 😂 she's 17! Let her have until midnight!!

You’re gobsmacked that a 17 year old would like a party with 20 guests to end at 11pm? That’s completely reasonable! Do you often infantilise her?

I think if you are up for allowing 15 you might aswell allow 5 more and not leave your daughter in an awkward situation of leaving out 5 people. And yes agree with everyone else, 11pm is reasonable.

Older mother here, who's done it herself as a teen and then negotiated teenagers. Just my thoughts.

I'd sit her down, treat her like an almost adult and have a conversation. What does she want? What can you live with? ( Clue, 11pm to 12pm is reasonable. you can go in a bit earlier and settle for anything before 11 to midnight, depending on the rest of the deal.)

How many? Maybe, who? What does she envisage? You can chuck in a a few snacks, pizza, a few cans of cider and some soft drinks maybe as part of the deal. You get to have some lines in the sand - eg cleaning up, trusted friends and NO posts on social media ( but you need to accept she may not have total control about that, so have a chat about who's coming etc, present this as a risk etc).

I get it, it's a scary age, it really is, but please don't muck it up from the start or hang her out to dry. This is a actually a good learning opportunity for you both for your relationship going forward. Don't be a wuss, but do listen to her and give her a chance to prove she can be trusted - couch it in exactly those terms.

Good luck, and remember, they are not that age for ever. 😊

Midnight to 1am, she is almost an adult.

In saying that there is no way in hell I'd have that kinda party in the first place so fair play to you!!

My dd had a 17th a few years ago. Think there were about 20 people and it ended around 11ish. Most people don’t rock up until 8/8.30 so no way can it finish at 9.45!!

You might not think they’re going anywhere afterwards, and your DD might not, but the rest of them are

I'm interested in why you want it finished at 9.30pm?

DD was 17 last month. She between 15-20 people - all girls - to the house. No smoking, no chewing gum on carpets. Nobody drunk to the point of vomiting. First guest went at 11pm, the rest drifted away in 2s or 3s and we emergd from the loft room at midnight to find DD and her two friends who were sleeping over cleaning the kitchen.

She has been to lots of 17th birthdays this year, no gatecrashers, no police visits.

No offence but that sounds like a shit party. 😂

I’d say 20 is fine but don’t have it at home.