AIBU to think this party is too big?

[lurkinglaura124]

My DD asked for a party for her birthday and before agreeing I wanted a rough idea of how many people would be there and she said around 20! I was gobsmacked and told her absolutely not maximum 15 but ideally around 10 would be fine. She thinks IABU because her friends are having bigger parties however our house is smaller. AIBU to only allow 10-15 people to this party? She also wants it to finish far too late at 11pm but im thinking 9:30/45 is more reasonable.ostalgi

I'd want to keep numbers low, too, but finish time would be 11pm.

Maybe the OP wants them out of her house by a certain time, which is fine. She may not want to be responsible for a load of teenagers (a lot of who will be under 18 if her own child is turning 18) while she's asleep, which is reasonable.

11pm is not late for a 17 year old!

However, if you feel 20 teenagers it too much for your house, then that's reasonable. 10 really isn't a party though, more of a "gathering"...You know better than we do how they are likely to behave, whether there might be damage etc. Personally I would prefer them outside, but it is getting a bit chilly now!

At 17 I went to an all night birthday party at a friends house. Boyfriends were welcome, the mum laid on alcohol and turned a blind eye to the shenanigans going on with couples in her front room.

Apparently the mum had taken the view she'd rather know where everyone was and that they were safe, plus stay in her house so no-one could trash it.

At 17 I’d rather have no party than it finish early and my friends all laugh at me. If you feel that strongly about numbers and a finish time I would consider booking a local church hall or something so that there is a chucking out time. Bare in mind that your daughter may invite 15 people but doesn’t mean that’s all that will show up. Not easy to turn folk away at the door. The parties I went to always involved people coming that weren’t invited, alcohol, smoking, chewing gum on carpets and more often than not a police visit. I lived in a decent area and wasn’t involved in those things but doesn’t mean others weren’t. One of my first ones I grabbed a bin bag and started tidying up as I couldn’t believe the absolute mess some of them were leaving, Also just because your daughter or her immediate friends are respectful doesn’t mean everyone will be. Are you planning to stay? If you are you really need to be staying away upstairs or next door in the neighbours (if you’re friends) unless absolutely necessary as that in itself is embarrassing at that age.

My dd 17th she had about 15 friends till 1am and some stopped over. I just hid in bedroom with a takeaway. They did drink it I didn't provide alcohol and said I wasn't allowing it. But assumed they'd have a bit. They were fine, dancing /talking and I made dd clean up next day!

id Say music starts getting turned down at 11. And everyone has left by 1. And that would be with a caveat
of best friends would either be staying or here as late as they want( usually 3 or 4 best friends sit and chat or watching tv til a lot later.
different strokes too. One has a group of boys and girls who are like brothers and sister and could completely trust about 12 of them to be here as long as they wanted we’d find them asleep on each other having played trivial perspire all night haha.
the other id want them gone as they are a more get pissed before even getting to a night out kind of group.

9.30 for a 17 year old 😂

My 15 year old had 15 friends over for a party over the summer. She decided herself that they all had to be gone by midnight because she knows I trust her to make those sorts of decisions.

I know it's a pain having a party for teens in the house OP but it's all part of growing up

When I was a teen we lived in a pretty small house and I frequently had parties with 20 people. You mostly just sit/stand and chat at that age, so loads can fit in.

1. The curfew of 11pm or even 12am is perfectly reasonable at this age. Not sure what party would even get going by 9.30.

1. If your daughter has 20+ friends, then this should be encouraged. Please don't make her cherrypick between people then cause her awkwardness at school/college. I would probably tell her she could have X no. Of people at your home or maybe look into a venue. Is there a reason there is a limit? Are there funds to allow her to have a bigger party if she would like one?

That is horribly early. DC (17.) has friends over once a month or so, usually around 10 people, maybe half stay and I’m here overnight. If no one stays then they’re out by about midnight. If I’m away overnight then maybe five people max come over. It took a lot to trust DC and friends because of teenage horror parties from my childhood and I’m not naturally very relaxed! But firm ground rules - for example I will do no clearing up - and a very clear understanding that there will be no more socialising here if ground rules are abused seem to have done the trick.

We had parties until 11 when we were about 13/14 😂at 17 my curfew at coming in from a night out was 2am.

You are totally reasonable in limiting numbers to what will fit in your house but 9.30pm is not the time a birthday party for a 17 yr old finishes!

Things will just about be getting going by 9:30. Unless they have school / college the next day I agree 11pm - 12am is more reasonable.

Please don’t be in the house when they have their parry

My 16 y.o. had a party in the summer, 40+ teenagers, ending at midnight - that seems to be the norm around here.
They chatted, played music, were generally well behaved, so I didn't have any issues with the number or the time it finished.
Let her have the party with all her friends 🥳

YABU, why do you want it to end at 9.30? Surely it’s a once a year thing, if even that?

I would say 11pm is quite early for 17 year old party.

I'd say 11 was early let alone 9.30.

“Agree with others, 11pm is perfectly reasonable for a 17yo, in fact it's early.

20 ppl I would say was OK as well, certainly not gobsmacking. If that's too many for your house and garden is not a possibility, maybe negotiate on that, but a 17yo house party that has 20 guests abd ends at 11pm is more than reasonable.”

This.

I agree with everyone else 11.30pm earliest but midnight was the end time for my DS who went to parties at this age - numbers wise depends on size of house but 10 won't be a party so minimum of 15 i would say. Unless there is some background i doubt you will be there supervising

I'd be happy with your suggestion for my 13 year olds parties. At 17 I'd give her much more freedom than you're proposing.

DD's 17th was 8-midnight, most of them work Saturdays so they needed a chance to go home and get changed etc before it started.

I would say most parties are these times but quite often they all just stay over

I had a Halloween party for my 17th about 11 years ago.

There was about 20-25 people. We have a marquee up in my parents back garden all trimmed up and all used the downstairs loo in the house. We all ordered pizza from the local takeaway.

We made neighbours aware who were fine with it and the party ended about 1:00am.

😂😂 I'm sorry OP but wow she's 17 not 10. I'd say 11 is quite early. Give her a break its one night and this time next year she might invite you to her 18th