AIBU to think this party is too big?

[lurkinglaura124]

My DD asked for a party for her birthday and before agreeing I wanted a rough idea of how many people would be there and she said around 20! I was gobsmacked and told her absolutely not maximum 15 but ideally around 10 would be fine. She thinks IABU because her friends are having bigger parties however our house is smaller. AIBU to only allow 10-15 people to this party? She also wants it to finish far too late at 11pm but im thinking 9:30/45 is more reasonable.ostalgi

At 17 both my children had 30 people, till midnight and I went out. On the whole everything was fine...a few drinks spilled but my children really appreciated it. I chewed my nails all evening.

At 17 I wouldn't set a finish time just let em party until they're done. I would also assume I would wake up to find a bunch of them asleep in the front room or set up a big tent.

Agree with others. You may be limited on numbers by the size of your house, but 15-20 is not unreasonable.
Parties at this age will generally be until 11pm/midnight.
Has your DC not been to any parties - surely you'll be aware it's not the norm to finish as early as 9.30? I suspect if you insist they finish the party then, they will simply take the party somewhere else. Which you may or may not be keen on.

Bless you OP, you don't know much about college age kids and their party habits do you?
11pm sounds fine, if it has to be at home. I'd say a meal out with all her mates sounds bette but it's her birthday I guess.

Numbers are more of 'a gathering' - your end time is ridiculous - good luck with that!
My 17yr old went to a friend's party Saturday eve and got home about 1am, which seems around the norm.

11pm at the earliest. Or a sleepover, tbh - although if you're attached to another house, they'd have to be quiet from midnight, though.

I don't think I've ever been to a party in sixth form that didn't end before pub closing time.
But this was partly because a lot of us had Saturday jobs that didn't finish until 6, 7 or 8.

I dont think 20 people at a party is too much at all, its a perfectly average amount.

That said 20 people in a HOUSE is too much, for a 20 person party you need a venue, many places hire out function rooms for free (they make money of charging for drinks) or you can hire halls for a cost.

As for 11pm Im assuming we are talking an older (15+) teen here right?

I'd say a start time of your idea finish time is about right!

You are being unreasonable

Don't mess this up OP. My parents ruined my 16th and 18th birthdays with their daft and embarrassing behavior and ideas. I have never forgotten it.

9.30 ending? Had to laugh out loud! And some bouncy castels too? And I was 17 in 1991. Everyone wil llaugh at her. 11.30 as she suggested is fine. 15 people is also fine. Please OP, don´t embarras your DD.

When you said you wanted it to finish at 9:30 I assumed she was about 12!

11pm finish at earliest OP.

21:30 for a 17yo?!
People would take the piss so hard she’d be better off cancelling.
Maybe book soft play for her?

This is naive, at 16 we where at the club weekly I garantee 16 year old can keep the party going.

We knew most of the local bar staff and owners they looked out for us and parents obviously knew where we where.

It was far safer and better than those who parents banned them from pubs/clubs who would and drink unsafely in the park.

20 people is really not a lot. And 11pm at 16/17 is hardly late. Don’t embarrass her.

Dd had one and had been to loads during year 11/12 so ages 16-17

all sorted around 7 and ended about 12:30am

normally 30+ kids at each party

Fucking hell 11pm is when I would go out at that age 😂😂

11pm is pretty reasonable, but not on a school night.

Midnight curfew, and you need to think about your alcohol policy. I’d rather they were allowed a couple of cans of cider each than smuggled vodka and puked down my stairs.

Decide which parts of the house are allowed and hole yourself up in a bedroom.

I was going to say midnight finish at 17!

midnight. surely you didn’t think 945 was reasonable for a 17th birthday!

Our DD had about 25 to her 17th and finished about midnight. Her 18th was nearer 40 people and finished about 2 am. Normal sized terraced house here.

how?

Seriously? You wanted a 17 year olds party to finish at 945?? Really?? That's surely obviously absurd.

Whether it's too big depends on the venue - if you live in a small flat or small terraced house then you have to be practical - the space dictates capacity.

You're being unreasonable about the finish time if it's a Friday or Saturday though!

We also have a 17 year old who had her birthday party at home by choice - she chose to invite 10 people because she wasn't framing it as a party, just friends over. They left around midnight except the one who stayed over.

She is not unreasonable to want 20, you are not unreasonable to limit at 15.

9.30 seems very early for 17 year olds At a party though think 11pm is fine.