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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this party is too big?

223 replies

lurkinglaura124 · 19/09/2022 15:01

My DD asked for a party for her birthday and before agreeing I wanted a rough idea of how many people would be there and she said around 20! I was gobsmacked and told her absolutely not maximum 15 but ideally around 10 would be fine. She thinks IABU because her friends are having bigger parties however our house is smaller. AIBU to only allow 10-15 people to this party? She also wants it to finish far too late at 11pm but im thinking 9:30/45 is more reasonable.ostalgi

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 19/09/2022 15:34

10 people over until 9.30pm is what happens before my DS (17) goes to a party!

Duvetdweller · 19/09/2022 15:34

My 16 year old has around 10 friends round til about 11pm most weekends - it’s not a party. I’d say around 20 til about midnight is a party

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/09/2022 15:35

9.30 😳, don’t embarrass her!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 19/09/2022 15:36

At 17 my DDs were having pre drinks round each other’s houses until 9.30/10 before going out

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/09/2022 15:38

9.30 for a 17 year old?! At that age I was clubbing.

ODFOx · 19/09/2022 15:39

9.30? At 17? I thought I was old fashioned but good grief!
10 people is a girly sleep over at that age! If she wants a party but you are worried about the neighbours, book a village hall for £50, provide soft drinks and pizza. Stay, in case someone needs assistance, chuck them all out at midnight so you can go home to your tidy house. They will provide their own illicit cocktails and beer.

MyHusbandTheIdiot · 19/09/2022 15:40

At that age I would have expected parties to start no earlier than 7.30/8, with maybe some of the girls getting ready at yours altogether first, and certainly not finishing till at least 11.30 and probably midnight. She’s not 12.

milkysmum · 19/09/2022 15:40

9.30 for a 17 year old party- you have to be joking? If my 13 year old goes to her friends house it's usually a 10.30 pick up on a weekend.
With regards to the amount of people, how many can you accommodate?

gogohmm · 19/09/2022 15:41

At 17 anything before midnight is unreasonable, and 20 is fine, they are not playing party games!

mondaytosunday · 19/09/2022 15:41

What? Any teen above 16 there's always a large gathering and midnight is a reasonable cut off, though most allow a few to sleep over. Prepare for spilled beer and a few getting very drunk. This is one reason I've never allowed a party at my house!
And gate crashers are always a hazard.

ButtonandPickle19 · 19/09/2022 15:42

I agree with everyone else… 15-20 friends until 11pm-midnight.
9:30 finish is earlier than what i do for my 12 year old for a birthday on a Weekend night

pimlicoanna · 19/09/2022 15:44

Ah don't make her have such an early finish. That would be a bit rubbish for that age

Sunnyqueen · 19/09/2022 15:45

Jesus 😳do you always treat her like a child? 9.30!! I was out clubbing and going abroad with my mates at 17.

TeeBee · 19/09/2022 15:45

YABU. 20 is not a big number at all (my DS has 10 over to watch the TV on a normal evening), unless you really don't have space. I'm laughing my head off at 9.30. She is 17, not 7!!

bagboo · 19/09/2022 15:46

She's 17! 9.45 would be ridiculous.

11pm finish earliest.

PornographicPriestess · 19/09/2022 15:47

When my DC had a party for their 17th, we went away for the weekend to give them some space

primeoflife · 19/09/2022 15:48

Blimey my 14 year old came back from a party at 1030 Saturday night. Your time curfew seems very early

CallMeLinda · 19/09/2022 15:49

You're never going to get her to agree to 9.45.
If you can afford to hire a hall or similar, do that. It means they all have to go at 11 or 12 or whatever the kick out time is.

Nottodaty · 19/09/2022 15:50

Small house here. My daughter having a small party here in a couple of weeks - she’s turning 13. Around 17 attending, starts at 7 finishes at 9:30.

I’m aware of it was a 17th it would be finishing a lot later!

It’s your house your rules but the times seem a bit tight! My older one doesn’t usually even turn up to parties till 8:30ish

Merryoldgoat · 19/09/2022 15:51

Christ I wouldn’t want OP to know what I did for my 17th and I was a nerdy 17yo without many friends.

scoopoftheday · 19/09/2022 15:51

Why do you need an end time? They're 17.
My ds is the same age and has friends over every weekend. There's no end time, they either stay or go home when they're ready.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2022 15:51

YABU
My 14 yo dd goes to parties finishing at 10/10.30. I can imagine your dd will be laughed at for a 9.30 finish.

Sothis · 19/09/2022 15:52

At 17 I was at university, getting ready to go out at 9.30!

alfagirl73 · 19/09/2022 15:52

9.30pm for a 17 y/o?! Poor girl will be a laughing stock. And 20 people isn't THAT many at that age - it's not like they'll be playing party games - unless you had pass-the-parcel planned with some jelly and ice cream to follow! If you don't want them in your house, hire a venue - and forget the 9.30pm curfew!

TheOccupier · 19/09/2022 15:52

At this age, I'd rather have them under my roof and know where DD is. I let her decide who to invite, on the basis that she is responsible for them (behaviour, breakages etc) and we agree a kicking-out time which last time was midnight. I say hi when they arrive and then I retreat to my bedroom. Last time there were no signs of departure at midnight so I shuffled out in my PJs, made myself a cup of tea and asked if anyone wanted one. Strangely, nobody wanted tea, and they all left/called Ubers immediately Grin