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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

365 replies

User3billion · 19/09/2022 10:53

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

OP posts:
georgarina · 19/09/2022 10:55

I think you need to make it clear if something is to be kept for someone or something (ie used in a recipe) otherwise it's for everyone

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2022 10:57

georgarina · 19/09/2022 10:55

I think you need to make it clear if something is to be kept for someone or something (ie used in a recipe) otherwise it's for everyone

She did make it clear, she says so in the 2nd paragraph.

YANBU OP

MichelleScarn · 19/09/2022 10:58

Is there a reason youngest can have the special treat food oldest can't? Had they already had their share or was this literally 'I have bought younger 2 treats and you aren't to have them'?
Why could younger not then had all the bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc to eat instead?

mountainsunsets · 19/09/2022 10:59

I do think it's a bit odd to have food that's for one child and not another (dietary restrictions excepted).

Badtasteflump · 19/09/2022 11:00

I think the point is whether you asked them not to eat it, or not. If you didn't and it's in a place for everybody to help themselves, then it's fair game. In my house, if chocs, cakes etc are left in the bread bin, they're for general noshing. If the they're being kept for somebody they go in a different place. So YABU - especially as they were only cheap pancakes rather than, say, luxury chocs for somebody's birthday.

itwasntmetho · 19/09/2022 11:00

Yeah that’s really rude and the type of behaviour that will make other members of the family obsessive about food, as if they don’t get it straight away they won’t get those fair share.

ZealAndArdour · 19/09/2022 11:00

I think if I was your eldest I’d wonder why I wasn’t allowed a crepe but the others were. I always found the “because I said so” type of parenting difficult to respect.

The situation with your birthday chocolate is unreasonable though.

LikeTearsInRain · 19/09/2022 11:01

Age of the eldest?

georgarina · 19/09/2022 11:01

AryaStarkWolf · 19/09/2022 10:57

She did make it clear, she says so in the 2nd paragraph.

YANBU OP

Show quote history

There are a few examples written so I was speaking generally. PP2 was one example.

And also in response to this: I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

user1471457751 · 19/09/2022 11:02

I get saying no because he was about to have dinner. But otherwise I think you were just being mean. You bought a packet and only 2 were left so clearly the younger ones had already had some, why couldn't their older sibling also have a share?

Faithin · 19/09/2022 11:02

I think if you buy in treat foods there should be enough for everyone or at least all of the children, otherwise it is unfair.
it seems weird to me to have foods in that only certain people are allowed to eat

luxxlisbon · 19/09/2022 11:02

It’s weird to let one kid have a treat and not another imo. If the pack was opened the younger ones surely already had one so it seems unnecessary to say no to your other child.
Children aren’t exactly the most logical, their brains are still developing.

Crunchingleaf · 19/09/2022 11:02

On one hand I think that if there is food there for the kids then there can’t be for some of the kids and not for others. If you say something is off limits then that should be end of it though.
So I will say everyone is being unreasonable here.

Flyonthewall01 · 19/09/2022 11:04

I’d say birthday chocolates are a no go to helping yourself unless explicitly mentioned. I think not letting them have a crepe is harsh and I don’t blame them for helping themselves to the rest

itwasntmetho · 19/09/2022 11:05

Oh just re read the op, he didn’t have one when the others did. Yeah that’s a bit weird.

dontputitthere · 19/09/2022 11:05

I don't get why the eldest couldn't have a crepe though? There were two left so presumably the other Dc had already had some.

Was it a no because it was nearly dinner or no because they're ear marked for someone else?

Need ages really too. But when you say 'they' do you just mean the eldest? Is it just them or all the Dc? (I'm guessing no partner as you're so sure it's the eldest who are the crepes? Nine times out of ten it's the greedy partner....)

MichelleScarn · 19/09/2022 11:08

How old are the kids?

TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 11:09

I think it’s odd to buy a packet of chocolate crepes and tell one child they can’t have it. Specially if you knew they also liked chocolate crepes.

PinkButtercups · 19/09/2022 11:12

Actually I think YABU. Why are they only for specific children? How mean.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/09/2022 11:17

I think YABU with the crepes, I don't think that was fair to make it just for specific children.

YANBU with your birthday chocolates. They were a gift for you for your birthday.

Belladonnamama · 19/09/2022 11:17

I wouldn't prioritise one child over the other when it comes to sweets or treats. It's equal share in my home. Eldest should not have eaten your birthday chocolate but its hardly the end of the world. Any chocolate I receive I share it with all the family. I wouldn't leave it out for others to eat if it was something I particularly liked.

NipplesSkywards · 19/09/2022 11:19

If the youngest two had already had one then I think it's mean to say no to the oldest child
Just ask them to have it after their meal
The only food not shared is party bag cake that belongs to whichever child went to the party

Autumndays123 · 19/09/2022 11:20

Wow favouritism much? You bought a packet of treats for two of your kids, left one out and then after your two had some treats, the eldest asked if he could have what was left and you said no as they were specifically for the others and not him? A* parenting right there.

OrigamiOwls · 19/09/2022 11:22

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/09/2022 11:17

I think YABU with the crepes, I don't think that was fair to make it just for specific children.

YANBU with your birthday chocolates. They were a gift for you for your birthday.

I agree with this. Eating the birthday chocolate was wrong. Getting one child a treat but not letting another child have any is mean.

Johnnysgirl · 19/09/2022 11:22

Very odd to refuse a child something as it's "for your siblings, not you".
Good on them for snaffling both!