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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

365 replies

User3billion · 19/09/2022 10:53

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 19/09/2022 11:24

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/09/2022 11:17

I think YABU with the crepes, I don't think that was fair to make it just for specific children.

YANBU with your birthday chocolates. They were a gift for you for your birthday.

This - very different situations.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/09/2022 11:28

Saying "no because it is nearly dinner" is not the same as saying "no you can't have those at any point".

Having a treat for younger siblings only seems really mean.

CornishGem1975 · 19/09/2022 11:30

I can see where you're coming from, and it's not about favouring one child over others.

I often go shopping with my daughter and she might ask for, I dunno, a certain pack of biscuits or similar. I think she should reasonably be able to expect that she can eat them herself and not have someone else help themselves to them because they were bought for HER.

So if the crepes were bought as a treat for the two youngest it's not unreasonable that they should be able to enjoy them.

I'd not want to be bought a "treat", want to have some of my treat and some CF has eaten it. It wasn't the eldest's treat, it was theirs.

MichelleScarn · 19/09/2022 11:34

CornishGem1975 · 19/09/2022 11:30

I can see where you're coming from, and it's not about favouring one child over others.

I often go shopping with my daughter and she might ask for, I dunno, a certain pack of biscuits or similar. I think she should reasonably be able to expect that she can eat them herself and not have someone else help themselves to them because they were bought for HER.

So if the crepes were bought as a treat for the two youngest it's not unreasonable that they should be able to enjoy them.

I'd not want to be bought a "treat", want to have some of my treat and some CF has eaten it. It wasn't the eldest's treat, it was theirs.

@CornishGem1975 but would you only buy her a treat and leave other dc out?

CornishGem1975 · 19/09/2022 11:36

Yes if they weren't there @MichelleScarn which the OP's eldest wasn't...he was at camp. Just because he's returned doesn't meant that their treat is now a free for all.

And actually, yes I do anyway. If my DD comes out shopping with my etc and lazy DS doesn't and wants to stay in bed - he misses out on a treat. That's life.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/09/2022 11:36

I think we must have a really different set up to you @CornishGem1975. If I went shopping with dd2 and she asked if we would get KitKats or cocopops or something, neither of us would assume I was getting these solely for her and her sister wouldn't have some. I can't really imagine that in a harmonious family.

CornishGem1975 · 19/09/2022 11:37

I mean yeah a box of cereal @Stompythedinosaur but a little pack of cakes or biscuits, I don't expect anyone to share if they've been bought specifically for them. Isn't that what having a treat is about? How is a treat otherwise.

Original poster
User3billion · 19/09/2022 11:39

I'm using "they" to mean eldest in this instance. Eldest is 14 and was away for the weekend on camp (with spending money for the tuck shop) when the crepes were bought for the younger ones.

Middle slept out last night with my DSis & cousins so there were 2 kids in the house this morning. If eldest had eaten just one pancake & offered the other one to the youngest I'd have been fine with that. It was eating BOTH that was the issue. It definitely wasn't DH as he was still in bed.

There are very few foods in the house that are "off limits". The eldest had malt loaf in the house too (I'd forgotten until he came to get a slice around 11ish), that's something that eldest requests and is just for them. No-one else will take it, so I don't see why the same respect isn't returned.

OP posts:
TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 11:40

CornishGem1975 · 19/09/2022 11:37

I mean yeah a box of cereal @Stompythedinosaur but a little pack of cakes or biscuits, I don't expect anyone to share if they've been bought specifically for them. Isn't that what having a treat is about? How is a treat otherwise.

Having a treat doesn’t mean you get the whole thing to yourself.

Really odd set up.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 19/09/2022 11:40

How awful. I would feel bad if I was your eldest. Why couldnt you buy enough for everyone? Why couldnt your youngest have the rest of the foods and the oldest the crepes? Sounds like you dislike one child and prefer the other

dontputitthere · 19/09/2022 11:41

I guess the other question is does the eldest have treats that the other kids aren't allowed to eat...

Nekomata · 19/09/2022 11:41

There's obviously a reason for the child's behaviour. Some people do have issues with self-control or binge-eating behaviour. I think you need to understand why they eat food which they've been told not to eat.

TwinkleChristmas · 19/09/2022 11:41

User3billion · 19/09/2022 11:39

I'm using "they" to mean eldest in this instance. Eldest is 14 and was away for the weekend on camp (with spending money for the tuck shop) when the crepes were bought for the younger ones.

Middle slept out last night with my DSis & cousins so there were 2 kids in the house this morning. If eldest had eaten just one pancake & offered the other one to the youngest I'd have been fine with that. It was eating BOTH that was the issue. It definitely wasn't DH as he was still in bed.

There are very few foods in the house that are "off limits". The eldest had malt loaf in the house too (I'd forgotten until he came to get a slice around 11ish), that's something that eldest requests and is just for them. No-one else will take it, so I don't see why the same respect isn't returned.

Does anyone else like malt loaf though?

NameChangedForThis12398 · 19/09/2022 11:41

I was ready to say YANBU then you said it is a 14 year old child. YABU about the pancakes but not your bday chocs. That's rude if they knew.

Brigante9 · 19/09/2022 11:42

Unfair to ban him from eating the crepes but he shouldn’t touch your birthday chocolates, he wouldn’t like it if you made him share his presents.

HebeSunshine · 19/09/2022 11:42

Are these all your DC, OP or are we talking step DC?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 19/09/2022 11:42

I cannot believe PP are saying a treat means they need to eat it all? Ridiculous. Why are you lot policing your food? CAnt you share?

NameChangedForThis12398 · 19/09/2022 11:44

If it was a single bag of haribo then fair enough, they are the other child's. Pancakes are not a treat they're just general food in the house. Of course they will eat them.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 19/09/2022 11:45

We have a basket for each child in the cupboard. Everything else is shared but if they have food specifically for them (such as sweets from parties etc) they put it in their own boxes for when they want it. This works well for us as it means anything specific is kept separate.

but yes I’d expect something purchases specially at someone’s request to be left alone if everyone knows it’s no for them.

Pava22 · 19/09/2022 11:45

4 kids here. Eldest is 9 and does love snacks and treats. And will occasionally finish things off! However, we don't stop anyone having anything. If it's something special I make sure there is enough for at least one each. But apart from that the usual snacks is for whenever anyone wants and when it's finished it's finished. I'm not a big snacker but again if I get something for myself I make sure there's enough for all unless it's something they don't like then they don't touch it.

However that said if I told them no. I expect them to respect that and listen. But doesn't happen very often

FrangipaniBlue · 19/09/2022 11:45

I echo others - if the youngest had already had some when they were night yesterday why can't the oldest have what was left this morning?

FrangipaniBlue · 19/09/2022 11:45

*bought not night!

Snoken · 19/09/2022 11:48

Just mix some milk, egg and flour and let everyone have pancakes. It's the easiest thing to make, and all would be happy. When you have multiple children they need to share, that goes for your 14 year old too, but I have had a 14 year old boy as well and when they are hungry they lose all kind of impulse control.

mountainsunsets · 19/09/2022 11:50

User3billion · 19/09/2022 11:39

I'm using "they" to mean eldest in this instance. Eldest is 14 and was away for the weekend on camp (with spending money for the tuck shop) when the crepes were bought for the younger ones.

Middle slept out last night with my DSis & cousins so there were 2 kids in the house this morning. If eldest had eaten just one pancake & offered the other one to the youngest I'd have been fine with that. It was eating BOTH that was the issue. It definitely wasn't DH as he was still in bed.

There are very few foods in the house that are "off limits". The eldest had malt loaf in the house too (I'd forgotten until he came to get a slice around 11ish), that's something that eldest requests and is just for them. No-one else will take it, so I don't see why the same respect isn't returned.

But presumably the youngest had already had some if there were only two left, so why couldn't the 14yo have the leftovers?

BatshitBanshee · 19/09/2022 11:52

What a weird primal set up for household food, bought for specific members and others are banned from eating any of it. What a weird way to give your kids a complex about food "rules". Birthday chocolates are one thing but crepes bought for two kids and the others can't have any? Weird. Really weird. YABU.