To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

[User3billion]

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

Which bit is different? You bought food specifically for your two other children. There was enough of the food for them to have two portion each AND there be some remaining for their sibling. Your eldest asked if he could please have the leftovers, you said no because they were for your other children to have their third helping.

You're now annoyed he ate the food anyway.

Where is the difference? If you fail to see how completely and totally unreasonable and controlling you are in this situation, I would strongly recommend some parenting classes immediately. I don't mean that to be harsh, I just know how 'small' things like that made me feel as a child and how much it impacted my sense of worth.

Did I make DC sit & eat them watch it? No

Did I go apeshit at DC for eating it? No

There's a world of difference between the two scenarios.

Honestly, the fact you’re asking this on here is why your teen is selfishly walking all over you. You shouldn’t need to ask us how to set rules in your own house. You know your son is thoughtless, rude and a liar. I would deal with that instead of prevaricating on here for a reason not to.

Fucking hell!

He ate his share of the crepes not stole OPs car.

Yabu to not get enough pancakes for everyone

you seem a bit restrictive and controlling about what and how much the kids eat

I think it's fine to buy younger ones treat food while older is away although on reflection if they've had some and then there are some left when eldest gets back I don't really get why they couldn't have one. It's not a huge deal to me though and I think some of these comments are harsh.

Regardless of the above, if you said no then he shouldn't have taken them.

Ditto eating someone else's birthday chocolate. That is really poor behaviour.

Obviously the two situations are not identical but you seem unwilling to grasp the basic principle on that you are controlling your children through food and showing clear favouritism.

I'm not sure why you bothered posting. You've been told dozens of times how unreasonable you're being and how damaging your behaviour is to you child. You don't want to listen, you don't want to believe it, so what exactly is the point of this thread? Were you wanting a bunch of strangers to leap to your defence and slag off your child and say how horrible he is and how hard done by you are?

I can understand that you are annoyed. But eating anything that isn't hidden (and even stuff that is!) Is pretty common for a teen.

"No, you can have one after dinner, save the other for your sibling to have in the morning. If you're still hungry remember you've got lots of malt loaf left."

Be specific with instructions and expectations.

@User3billion

I understand. My eldest takes everything that belongs to the household. From birthday treats and xmas presents, to if they have bought it with their own money, or if I got them a treat when shopping. He has done this their entire lives. I buy food for specific meals and he eats it while im at work. Sometimes yeah the younger two will get something "special", particularly if he's had something else when they were younger, like he had been to town with friends, they may get a movie and popcorn. I don't buy for him no, and he gets told not to eat it. I have done similar buying the younger two breakfast treats for a few days, and don't buy for him anymore. However, he is also now 19, if he wants treats he can buy it himself, I cover essentials only, and I do go batshit at him when he takes things bought as snacks and treats for my younger children.

My brother and mum who are currently living with me in my house ate a whole 10 pack of babybels bare one that I’d had this weekend. I bought them Saturday and made it clear to them they were mine for me to take to work, by Sunday afternoon they are all gone. I wouldn’t have minded them having 1 or 2 but to eat 9!!!! It’s not the first time either, I had to buy a mini fridge/freezer for out bedroom as them taking mine and DPs food was getting out of hand and now they just come into our room to take it and laugh about it like it’s just some cute quirky thing they do to take away food I need for work or dinner. So I understand your frustration BUT you was also being unfair to your eldest to not even let them have 1 when the others had already had 2 each.

This. My middle son 3yr is not really one for eating breakfast when he gets up in the morning so I usually get crepes or waffles and fruit bag for him to eat on the way to nursery but also get other packets the same so my eldest son (17yrs) can have the same if he wants one.

How awful 😔

OP I understand. I don't know what weird world done people live in but when you have several dc you often get different things for them. It's not normal to buy everything for all of them always. Your eldest was at camp so bought something for the others. There was no 'his share'. He doesn't get a share as you didn't buy for him. Were you expected to save a portion of everything they ate whist here was away? Every time you buy him new trainers must you buy all of them new trainers? If he was out at a party and you took the small ones to a cafe must you take something home for him? If one of the little ones didn't finish their treat must it now be one his. E she's he's home now so it's his fair share? Bonkers with a capital B. The poster who had some evil parent who tormented them with cake seems so messed up by it that they see evil in every parent. I'm with you OP. Very pissed off. He's being entitled and rude.

I grew up in a household on the breadline, under no circumstances were we to take food without asking apart from the fruit bowl on the table. Everything was accounted for and planned for.

As an adult I still feel the kitchen is not a free for all.

If the youngest two had already had some crepes while the eldest was away and there were some left it was a bit mean of you to not let them have one. However, they shouldn't have taken them if you had said not to. I don't think in general it hurts kids to not always get everything they want. For example if it's some birthday chocolates it's nice to share but shouldn't be a given that they are shared.

Just buy enough for everyone
Problem solved

i can see both sides I can see why you’re annoyed but I can also see that your eldest may have found it unfair they couldn’t have the same nice things

it reminds me of when I used to take my dc to dm house. She would give them ‘a treat’ which was the kinder toys rejected by dn (my dsis and her dd are the favourites) and they didn’t understand why dn got a whole egg she then told my dc they were banned from eating the biscuits because they were only for dn. I picked up the packet gave them some each then ate all the rest myself in about 30 seconds and told dm we wouldn’t be seeing her again she stood there frozen to the spot speechless I don’t think anyone had ever stood up to her before !

Buy crepes for everyone not just for certain people. Food is for everyone in my house. If it sacred to you hide it away.

No wonder they got eaten, serves you right.

But there were two pancakes left! They are just pancakes!

a teenage boy ate two pancakes. His siblings each also ate two pancakes.

I really can’t see why OP is so worked up about this. He didn’t cook the Sunday roast and eat it for breakfast. He had two bloody pancakes. The same as his siblings.

This household sounds suffocating. I can’t imagine getting worked up about left over pancakes. I know times are tough and food prices are increasing - but this doesn’t seem to be about money. It’s about controlling food. And not acknowledging that a teenage boy needs more calories than a small child.

i still say this attitude towards food is unhealthy.

This. I can't believe you had to spell it out!

Eating your birthday chocolates is just rude and I would expect them to replace them.

Autumndays you are MASSIVELY projecting your own exerience here on to the OP.

really, they are not the same situation.

I don't see why the same respect isn't returned.

It is VERY simple why the respect isn't returned. Because teenagers are teenagers are teenagers. The majority of them (bar a special few) are selfish and thoughtless by nature. It's OK, it's not necessarily an indication of the adults they are going to turn into, it's just a stage of development. But you need to stop treating your teen the way you'd treat an adult flatmate and start treating them as your child. The only way to stop them is with consequences: i.e. eat my special chocolates and you'll be replacing them out of your pocket money. Eat all the crepes leaving none for anyone else? Well you can get your arse down the shop right now and replace them. You ate your sister's treat? Well then she can have your malt loaf.

That's all you can do and there's no point taking it personally.

Btw YANBU.

I find all the posters on here missing the point.

OP said please don't eat that. Teen ate it.

That's not OK, really not OK.

Whether it is a crepe or birthday chocs. It is selfish.

I think food that is given as a gift is different eg box of chocolates, belong to the owner is good form to share when eating them if more than a small amount, but birthday person chooses when.
Ordinary food I think it's all in, but I have seen teens of friends demolish whole multipacks of crisps in a day or whole packets of biscuits. Which seems selfish.
DS got a small tin of chococo chocolate robots at Easter (ten in the tin), he still has 4/5 left I wouldn't dream of eating them and I'd be very cross if anyone else did. He's showing a healthy attitude to snacks/chocolate by having one every now and then when he wants one, having a sibling who demolishes everything would likely lead to him doing the same before it got taken.
I'm assuming these are the ready packed chocolate filled crepes, they're not breakfast food they're junky snacks, which is fine in moderation but he didn't need to eat both, it was greedy.

It is VERY simple why the respect isn't returned. Because teenagers are teenagers are teenagers. The majority of them (bar a special few) are selfish and thoughtless by nature. It's OK, it's not necessarily an indication of the adults they are going to turn into, it's just a stage of development.

I have 3 teens. I also have a total of 10 nieces and nephews. All pretty normal teens.
They really are not this selfish, and I find it irritating that we perpetuate this myth that all teens are gits.

My kids know that if asked specifically not to eat something, or use something (eg their sisters new pens) etc, then they are expected not to.

My kids are pretty typical teens, we have plenty of clashes, but there is no need to assume that teens will be selfish. Some of it is about expectations.