To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

[User3billion]

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

Surely the younger ones will go to camp when they are old enough? Why is the eldest going to camp somehow used a reason he can't have a third of the pancakes (given he is a third of the children)?

Batshit.

But at some point they will get two nights at camp when it's their turn to do this age appropriate activity? That's how it goes if you've got children of different ages isnt it?! It's completely irrelevant to the crepe situation. The kids all had two crepes each. It's fine.

He shouldn't have eaten your birthday chocs though and should be buying you a replacement.

The 14 year old found the packet, seen that the others had already had theirs and had their own share.

It's not for you to decide which foods are classed as treats in someone else's house.

How is this even valid? Are you not planning on letting the younger two go on camp when their time comes…

OP I think it would interesting to remember what rules were in place around food when you were growing up.

your son eating two pancakes has really triggered you. Was there a shortage of food or a lot of control around food when you were growing up? You see this food as a reward - not just food. It’s a lot of emotion to put on a breakfast food.

how are you with eating and control?

whatever the route of this - break the cycle. Yes he should’ve have eaten your birthday chocolates but most people have said eating two pancakes for breakfast is completely different.

sometimes it helps to see how these issues seem to the outside world. Think about him explaining to a teacher or friend that his mum got angry because he ate two pancakes for breakfast. I would be concerned to hear that.

Agree with this. OP could well have an eating disorder, it's not normal to restrict and monitor your children's food intake. The only other possibility is terrible parenting.

When I was in my teens I loved snack food (wait, I still do). If the house was full of healthy fruit and veg, cold meat, cheese, etc...and an open box of chocolates, I would have gone straight for the chocolates. Or crepes. Or Pringles. I don't find that strange, and I get the feeling that in the OP's house there is a wide range of excellent foods, but a very very tight control on "bad" snack foods.

The lying I do find disturbing, but I suspect it is less about disobedience and fear of punishment, and more about unwillingness to admit to shameful greed (as the OP would see it).

Basically I would keep a few snacks in for the voracious teenager, and hide my birthday chocolates in the high cupboard rather than leaving them on the counter. It's like leaving a steak out and then being surprised the dog ate it.

Honestly, the fact you’re asking this on here is why your teen is selfishly walking all over you. You shouldn’t need to ask us how to set rules in your own house. You know your son is thoughtless, rude and a liar. I would deal with that instead of prevaricating on here for a reason not to.

It is strange that being at camp is considered a treat in itself when presumably the other children would be allowed the opportunity if they were at the same age and attended the same club/school organizing the camp?

The birthday chocolates is unreasonable. I'd find the crepe situation annoying because the supermarkets aren't open today but it sounds like you have other breakfast items available. One crepe isn't going to be filling enough for a 14 year old but if you don't normally buy them I can see why he'd take 2.

Bloody hell extreme reaction much? Also those who have decided the 14 yo is a liar? Wheres that come from?

This reminds me a lot of a situation that happened to me as a child. I came home from school once and noticed an amazing looking cake in the kitchen. Later, my dad cut a slice each for my two younger siblings. I asked if I could please have some and was told no. Instead I just watched my siblings eat theirs. I was quite upset about it and felt totally excluded.

The next day I came home from school and my dad was in work. I cut myself a tiny sliver of cake, an amount so small I didn't think anyone would notice. He did notice and he went absolutely ape shit.

My father was an abusive, nasty piece of work. I sense strong similarities here.

I agree yabu re: the crepes, but yanbu re: the birthday chocolate.

Ah just saw 14 yo denied eating the crepe, but why so sure OP it was 14yo and not other children who were also there? Can they not access the fridge? (Maybe knowing 14 yo would be scapegoat?)

yes becuase I think you are off your rocker frankly

It's actually nothing at all like this.

Also those who have decided the 14 yo is a liar? Wheres that come from?

It comes from the original post, where the OP says:

eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it

I don't think it's a massive deal, but he apparently feels he can't tell his mother that he ate two pancakes.

At 14 I’d send them out to shop to buy more every time they ate food that wasn’t there’s

Basically I would keep a few snacks in for the voracious teenager, and hide my birthday chocolates in the high cupboard rather than leaving them on the counter. It's like leaving a steak out and then being surprised the dog ate it.

This...

If it's yummy snack food just lock it away if you are particular about it being eaten at a certain time or by a certain person. It feels a bit unfair to leave it all lying around but expecting teens not to eat it. As an adult and a chocolate junkie, I can't even have chocolate (or other junk food) in the house.

I don’t think you’re well placed to comment on my response when you haven’t read the OP properly 🤷‍♀️

14 yer olds dont tend to engage brain cells. Mine uses last of the milk or bread etc and doesnt think of anyone else before doing so in a morning.
It's a pain but keep reminding him to ask. I think your message were mixed about crepes, you said not before dinner so implied he could have them. And no would not have occurred to my 14 year old to offer a pancake to sibling

Why didn’t you buy enough pancakes for everyone?

Why is your older dc left out of being able to have pancakes for breakfast?

Makes me uncomfortable reading your post , I feel sorry for your older dc

No, but you also need to understand children, and teens (and not a few adults) don’t have good impulse control. It’s sure as hell annoying, but it’s the way they grow.

And you haven't read my subsequent post admitting my mistake so not so hot either 😉 are you?

Middle one wasn't here this morning, smallest cannot reach cupboard/open packets. DH was still in bed.

I didn't go mad with him, I was annoyed that he'd eaten both as the little one asked for one & when I went to the cupboard there was just the empty outer packaging (something else that's a tell-tale sign the eldest has had the last - this being an ongoing frustration purely because I don't always know to buy more).