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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave an 11 year old alone for 6 hours?

193 replies

MamMedusa · 17/09/2022 20:11

DH has a work thing on Monday that I'm "expected" to attend. DD is 11 (12 in Nov) & is adamant she isn't coming. She started secondary school this year, she's been letting herself in around 4pm and is alone until I get home from work around 5pm which has gone well so far, she's even started dinner on a couple of occasions, so her reasoning is that if she's capable of doing that then she's capable of spending a day alone.
She's pretty sensible for her age & can't see any major disasters happening, however we live on military camp so she has the guard room number for emergencies as well as obviously knowing how to call for an ambulance etc. We'll be around a 25 min drive away.

DH thinks she's too young & wants to make her come with us, however he'll essentially be working the entire time & it'll be me who's left to deal with her sulking & attitude, which in all honesty I really cba with atm.
I could stay home with her but this is one of the few of his work events I actually want to attend.
Genuinely not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
LidlMiddleLover · 17/09/2022 20:15

No far too much responsibility at that age Don’t be selfish

LtMoose · 17/09/2022 20:15

Personally I think 11 is old enough to be left in the day alone

BogRollBOGOF · 17/09/2022 20:16

She's confident and has local support so that's good.

She's at an age where there isn't childcare avaliable in the holidays and many of her peers will have to look after themselves through a working day.

GetOffTheRoof · 17/09/2022 20:16

Send her to a friends house for the day? Presumably they are all off school.

Pay a local teenager to sit in the house and watch Netflix?

FeedMeTiramisu · 17/09/2022 20:16

I think much too young. 6 hours is a long time no matter how sensible she is.

funnyoldonion · 17/09/2022 20:17

I wouldn’t personally

Triffid1 · 17/09/2022 20:18

I would leave her. Would she be home the whole time or head to meet friends? If it was ds, he would probably go out for a bit in the middle.

youagainomg · 17/09/2022 20:19

My 11 year old is left alone for 4-5 hours a day in the school hols and was fine. I only work 5 mins away if needed. I would leave her.

mathanxiety · 17/09/2022 20:20

Staying home with her or making her go are the only two options realistically available.

She's too young to stay alone for six hours, and the precedent will be set and too hard to argue with if you let her stay this time.

If she goes and spends the time making your life difficult you can tell her the immaturity and stubbornness she is showing is proof that she is not old enough to be allowed to stay home. Let her think about that.

swishswashswoosh · 17/09/2022 20:20

She sounds perfectly capable of being alone for the day. God when did people get so precious? My parents went away for a long weekend and left me and my older siblings being checked on by neighbours when I was 12. My eldest sibling was 16 and certainly not responsible but we were all more than fine. Dare I say we learnt some responsibility and other valuable life skills... give her some tasks to complete and I'm sure she will ride to the challenge!

ultimateforks · 17/09/2022 20:21

YANBU

At secondary age children are often old enough (no SEN of course) to stay home alone for a day

What do you think happens in the summer holidays? 11 year olds tend not to go to a childminder they stay at home if parents work

Comedycook · 17/09/2022 20:21

Too young imo.

BendingSpoons · 17/09/2022 20:24

I'd leave her on the understanding you will be checking in with her regularly. Many 11yos are left at home alone in the holidays.

Neverfullycharged · 17/09/2022 20:26

I think it’s fine, to be honest, and I’m generally on the cautious side with these things.

RedHelenB · 17/09/2022 20:28

If she's happy to be left fine. I

miserablecat · 17/09/2022 20:29

My DD stayed for 6 hours alone, during school holidays at 11 while I worked. She's sensible. I didn't like it bur there are few childcare options and she would have rather stayed alone than go to a camp she was either too old for, or knew no one.

LittleBearPad · 17/09/2022 20:29

Too young. Is he in the military. Seems odd to require your presence when pretty much everything has been shelved

AloysiusBear · 17/09/2022 20:29

She sounds fine.

I was born in the 80s and this would have been normal when I was that age.

make sure her phone is fully charged in case she needs to call you and write down a few emergency contact numbers on paper in case it breaks.

idril · 17/09/2022 20:30

I would leave her if it was the daytime but not late into the evening.

Bobbybobbins · 17/09/2022 20:31

I think this is fine.

AloysiusBear · 17/09/2022 20:31

To be honest I'd think it was a bad sign if a child of almost 12 couldnt be trusted at home alone for 6 hours. It's a life skill, they need to be becoming more independent and capable of managing things like this.

DashboardConfessional · 17/09/2022 20:31

On military camp at nearly 12? Totally fine.

Cillery · 17/09/2022 20:31

I would say too young to be. Left for that time.

AloysiusBear · 17/09/2022 20:32

Ps the thing on Monday you have to attend.... is it a funeral?!

FabFitFifties · 17/09/2022 20:32

Seems fine, my DS is also 12 in November, hypothetically I would allow it, however I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to. He was a lot braver when we had a dog though.