To leave an 11 year old alone for 6 hours?

[MamMedusa]

DH has a work thing on Monday that I'm "expected" to attend. DD is 11 (12 in Nov) & is adamant she isn't coming. She started secondary school this year, she's been letting herself in around 4pm and is alone until I get home from work around 5pm which has gone well so far, she's even started dinner on a couple of occasions, so her reasoning is that if she's capable of doing that then she's capable of spending a day alone.
She's pretty sensible for her age & can't see any major disasters happening, however we live on military camp so she has the guard room number for emergencies as well as obviously knowing how to call for an ambulance etc. We'll be around a 25 min drive away.

DH thinks she's too young & wants to make her come with us, however he'll essentially be working the entire time & it'll be me who's left to deal with her sulking & attitude, which in all honesty I really cba with atm.
I could stay home with her but this is one of the few of his work events I actually want to attend.
Genuinely not sure what to do for the best.

Trusting her to stay home alone for 6 hours, and learning that sometimes you have to attend things you don’t want to attend - those are two totally separate things.

I think she should go with you (minus a moody face) because that’s life. AT THE SAME TIME, I’d be telling her this is absolutely not related to not wanting to leave her home alone, that you trust her as a responsible child.

So, I’m with your DH re Monday, and with you re leaving her home alone.

Just fyi, from a child’s perspective, 6 daytime hours is a long time. Sounds like she can do the necessary in terms of keeping herself safe and fed etc. But the emotional coping side of things…. they can unexpectedly freak out about that. Speaking from experience here.

That's not what their website says - it doesn't mention time frames for this age group.

It literally says
We would always recommend leaving a child younger than 12 years old with family, a friend or in childcare.

However, even if they had mentioned times, I'd certainly consider 6 hours to be an extended period of time in the context of leaving an 11 year old home alone.

NSPCC are way over cautious. The idea you can't leave an 11 year old ever alone for any time is frankly nuts.

Of course it's fine. Some posters seem determined to infantilise their dc.This is why so many teens ha v e anxiety

Young women/girls are usually very sensible. I woudn't l leave a boy.

@Sarahzb Not all boys are the same. Some are very sensible.

I read those NSPCC guidelines and was surprised. I’ve never left my kids alone for any length of time, but I feel I need to start doing this with the oldest one (Year 5, but with some SEN). Would start with just 15minutes (eg when picking the other kids up) DH is more cautious than me and I can foresee arguments about it. What age do people start leaving kids for these very short periods?

Totally fine to leave her.

In my opinion it's too young. See if she can go elsewhere, if not she goes with you both or you choose not to go.

I think it is fine. I started leaving my eldest at home at 11 when he didn’t want to come with my to sit and watch his siblings do their sports. Got left for 5 ish hours most weekdays (4-8:30). He had a phone and knew our neighbours. Told him not to cook

I'd agree ..if you think your area is safe, and she'd be happy with the food and snacks she has and will just chill with a couple of movies then it's ok! Wouldn't make a habit of it, though.

She sounds more than capable and will be fine. She can call in the military in an emergency.

I was left at home for a few hours at a time at that age and absolutely loved it.

No wonder teenagers are often helpless, they never get challenged to be resourceful.

OP, I would just maybe run through a few ideas to keep her occupied. Can you buy her anything today? In your circumstances I would have considered getting my DD a new (safe!) craft kit to keep her busy.

6 hours during the day would be absolutely fine. Not in the evening though as she may get spooked.

To the posters saying no way, why not?

I'm amazed by all the people saying it's too long etc, what on earth do you all think working parents do with their secondary age children in the holidays? I'm a single mum working full time, with 5 weeks annual leave. So yes my daughter had to be at home alone in school holidays from age 11. What is the other option?
Do people still use childminders for secondary kids? Because surely by the time they are in year 7 most people are back to work full time (and not everyone can do magical shift work fitting perfectly around children!)
So confused by some of these replies 😂

She sounds confident that she will be fine, but you know your child - I would not have coped at 11 as hated being alone in the house and would end up sitting in a corner crying with a kitchen knife next to me for protection! (Ever the drama Queen!) My little brother, on the other hand, wouldn’t even notice parents were gone!

I would, and did at that age. My youngest is 14, so not that long ago.

I think it's fine. You can text/call during the day, you're pretty close by and she has the military to call on.

Are you for real?

As soon as mine started high school they had to stay home alone if I was at work. There was no options of childcare here.
She’s sensible, she wants to do it, you’re on a base so relative safety. I don’t see the problem

There are lots of working parents who don't leave their 11-yr-olds alone during the holidays. Through a combination of clubs, swapping shifts, leaving them with relatives, working from home, scheduling holidays, etc. Everyone I know works. None of us leave our 11-yr-olds alone during the holidays.

I think that’s fine in the day, not late at night though. I did much the same with my kids, they were home alone for 2-3 hours after school from 11 until I got home from work all the time and I regularly took one of them to a hobby at weekends that took most of the day, by age 11 the other one would stay at home alone. And who takes 11 year olds shopping regularly ? I definitely didn’t.

My kids wouldn't have wanted to go to relatives at age 11. Not that there were many relatives to go to. Or holiday clubs. I spent thousands on holiday clubs as a single working parent when they were younger, I'm pretty glad mine were sensible enough (and happy to be) left at age 11.

We put on a scary movie (for the first time) and then heard a noise after that, we just wound ourselves up. 😭

We put on a scary movie (for the first time) and then heard a noise after that, we just wound ourselves up. 😭

Update OP… please tell me you didn’t listen to all these helicopter parents and put your child with a “nanny” rather than letting her stay at home at the tender age of nearly 12?! 🫣