To leave an 11 year old alone for 6 hours?

[MamMedusa]

DH has a work thing on Monday that I'm "expected" to attend. DD is 11 (12 in Nov) & is adamant she isn't coming. She started secondary school this year, she's been letting herself in around 4pm and is alone until I get home from work around 5pm which has gone well so far, she's even started dinner on a couple of occasions, so her reasoning is that if she's capable of doing that then she's capable of spending a day alone.
She's pretty sensible for her age & can't see any major disasters happening, however we live on military camp so she has the guard room number for emergencies as well as obviously knowing how to call for an ambulance etc. We'll be around a 25 min drive away.

DH thinks she's too young & wants to make her come with us, however he'll essentially be working the entire time & it'll be me who's left to deal with her sulking & attitude, which in all honesty I really cba with atm.
I could stay home with her but this is one of the few of his work events I actually want to attend.
Genuinely not sure what to do for the best.

Can you arrange something with one of the camp residents to check on her or for her to go to if she has a problem?

If she’s happy to be left alone I think it’s fine. What do you normally do for child care in school holidays? Plenty of 11 year olds are left alone all day.

During the day time? Yes if they are sensible I would think that would be OK . I am pretty sure that I would have left my DS at home during the day some time when he was first year secondary - although possibly not as long as 6 hours given my DH worked shifts at the time . I wouldn't do it if I wasn't able to be in phone contact at any time though .

I was fine left alone for that long aged 11, I think if she's sensible and you trust her then its fine to leave her.

Your daughter sounds very responsible and grown up, so firstly well done on raising her!

It sounds like she’s spent time doing jobs and things to help you out and earn your trust!

I’d be happy leaving her, with regular texts to make sure she’s ok/happy, which will help her not feel lonely too. DSS is the same age, I don’t think he’s ready to be left that long but if he was I think I’d prep his lunch (a sandwich and some snacks) so that a) he didn’t get any ideas about trying to cook and b) he didn’t eat alllll the food in the house! I’d also set him a time for when he should eat it else it would be in his mouth the second we left 🤣

Could you not ask any of her friends mums could she spend the day there and you will return the favour. X

To the PP who said her children derserved to have a parent around so they made it happen...
Bully for you.
My daughter didn't deserve for her dad to die of a heart attack when she was 10... she didn't deserve to then lose another 3 close family members in quick succession either.
I couldn't 'make it happen'.
OP your daughter will be fine.

Another vote for leaving her, she will be fine and probably enjoy the t8me in the house on her own.

I don’t agree at all that if she’s happy and sensible go for it.

Why isn't there childcare options then if it's not safe to leave a high school age child on their own?
Childcare options end at end of primary school.
All these comments about shouldn't be leaving her are making me worried for when I have to leave mine

😳😯

Ignore them

This is MN where some women don't even leave their 18 year olds for the weekend

To be honest I think 6 hours is a bit too long for an 11 year old.

Sounds absolutely fine. If she is mature and sensible, I don't see an issue. What's she going to do? Probably go on her phone/laptop/watch tele and eat. I would agree what she was going to eat, e.g. if she is going to use the hob you need to know that she knows what she's doing. But other than that, I'm sure she will be fine alone.

Something else - is it really a huge problem if a child is lonely on an odd occasion? Surely it's perfectly normal and even an important experience for everyone?

When I was first left alone as a kid I was a bit lonely at times, but also found I really enjoyed it. There is something very psychologically freeing about being alone in the house with no expectations that you do anything specific.

I've wondered at times if kids now get enough time growing up when they are alone. It seems like even the times we had along as younger kids, playing out on a day no friends were around, for example, no longer happen.

Normal to leave them at 11

Well said.

Today's kids seem so much less resourceful and self-reliant.

@GordonShakespearedoesChristmas

To the PP who said her children derserved to have a parent around so they made it happen...
Bully for you.

I'm not sure why that's a problem to you, it was my choice for my children based on our circumstances. They deserved more than I had, that's all.

My daughter didn't deserve for her dad to die of a heart attack when she was 10... she didn't deserve to then lose another 3 close family members in quick succession either.
I couldn't 'make it happen'.

I'm sorry that happened to you and your DD but your suggestion that I would say she deserved that is sick. I never said anything of the sort, in fact I made no comment or judgement on what anyone else does. I have no issue with kids being left at home, but my post was in response to someone asking what happens when both parents work full time, so not remotely relevant to your situation.

I agree. Plus she’s almost 12. When my dd had school holidays when she was 11/12 and I had to work she would be home alone and she was fine. But she’s always been very independent, and level headed.

It's too young imo.
If something goes wrong the child may not know what to do.

Also the NSPCC guidelines recommend leaving children under 12 with family, friends or in other childcare rather than leaving them alone.

In the real world, people leave high school age kids alone all the time (barring any disability etc that makes it unsafe, or course).

It’s real life in 2022, not the opening 10 minutes of Casualty in 1986. Most people don’t even own a chip pan.

OP, she’ll be perfectly fine.

The guidelines are for leaving them for extended periods, not a few hours. Six hours isn’t an extended period; it’s an afternoon.

It depends so much on the child. Some are incredibly sensibly and would never get ideas to do something risky. My teenagers are more sensible than some friends husbands and more trustworthy.