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Original poster

To leave an 11 year old alone for 6 hours?

193 replies

MamMedusa · 17/09/2022 20:11

DH has a work thing on Monday that I'm "expected" to attend. DD is 11 (12 in Nov) & is adamant she isn't coming. She started secondary school this year, she's been letting herself in around 4pm and is alone until I get home from work around 5pm which has gone well so far, she's even started dinner on a couple of occasions, so her reasoning is that if she's capable of doing that then she's capable of spending a day alone.
She's pretty sensible for her age & can't see any major disasters happening, however we live on military camp so she has the guard room number for emergencies as well as obviously knowing how to call for an ambulance etc. We'll be around a 25 min drive away.

DH thinks she's too young & wants to make her come with us, however he'll essentially be working the entire time & it'll be me who's left to deal with her sulking & attitude, which in all honesty I really cba with atm.
I could stay home with her but this is one of the few of his work events I actually want to attend.
Genuinely not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamMedusa · 17/09/2022 22:28

Murdoch1949 · 17/09/2022 22:16

You must not leave her alone for more than an hour. Anything could happen, kids get stupid ideas, oh I'll make some lunch, chip pan on, kid gets distracted in other room, FIRE. She's a child, take her with you and be a parent. If she misbehaves deal with it.

We don't own a chip pan, I don't even think you're allowed to buy one anymore?
She knows how to use the air fryer, wouldn't allow her to use the oven yet & will make sure it's turned off at the mains, but in terms of eating I'll make sure she has a warm breakfast before we set off and then a sandwich lunch with plenty of snacks. (she's not a massive eater anyway) We'll be back in time for dinner.

OP posts:
dingbat56 · 17/09/2022 22:28

6 hours is too long for an 11 year old - . 2 /3 hours tops would be my max at that age .

eddiemairswife · 17/09/2022 22:29

Of course she's old enough. Only on here do people think children aren't capable of looking after themselves for a few hours.

RewildingAmbridge · 17/09/2022 22:29

She's almost twelve, had

TheMoth · 17/09/2022 22:30

Ds was left longer than this when he went to high school. He spent the days gaming. We have no family to leave him with and he'd rather have died than go to a childminder. If my holidays were different to his and dh couldn't get time, we had no choice.

I'd have been worried I'd be were a wanderer, but he doesn't notice if we're home most of the time. I left snacks and made him keep his phone charged.

RewildingAmbridge · 17/09/2022 22:31

Has proven herself to be responsible and trustworthy, access behind the wire and has the guards if there's an emergency. I would've been left at that age of we had an inset day etc, my brother definitely not, he would've had a party five minutes after my parents left

nancydroo · 17/09/2022 22:31

Bit long imo. NSPCC website has guidelines if you haven't read it already

Upwiththelark76 · 17/09/2022 22:32

Shel be fine ! I’d leave her .

maddiemookins16mum · 17/09/2022 22:32

LidlMiddleLover · 17/09/2022 20:15

No far too much responsibility at that age Don’t be selfish

What responsibility?

KosherDill · 17/09/2022 22:32

We stayed alone at that age.

avamiah · 17/09/2022 22:33

my daughter is 12, 13 in a few months and I have no problem leaving her for a couple of hours but that’s the max for me especially as it’s getting darker now.
I wouldn’t be happy for more than that.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 17/09/2022 22:35

Personally I wouldn’t. I think being on a military camp means it appears a bit safer than just being at home alone but even then, 6 hours is far too long.

I am with your DH, she has to suck up that sometimes we all have to do things we don’t want to just because. As a PP said, if she sulks and kicks off, she clearly isn’t mature enough to be left alone.

CrabbyCrumble · 17/09/2022 22:35

Assuming you live on a gated military camp and she will alone during the day I’m sure she’ll be fine. Probably safer there than in civvy street. Does she hang out with kids on the camp? Can she have a friend round from the camp so she doesn’t get lonely? Can she go to see.a friend from school for the day as an alternative?

You can check in with her during the day and I’m assuming will come home if it seems like she’s not coping?

TheMoth · 17/09/2022 22:37

Ds has a fairly long walk to school. He gets home about 2 hours before we do. I worry much much more about him running the gauntlet off walking home (older kids, cars, fights) than him staying and gaming all day. Even though he's a lazy bugger and will happily live on dry bread.

Dd is much more independent, but doesn't like being alone. She needs to go to friends etc if we can't look after her. But she'd be fed, watered and do chorea if we did leave her.

Marellatea · 17/09/2022 22:37

I have a DD the same age and while I think she would be happy enough on her own, watching tv, playing games on her phone, sorting out her own food etc.. she would want to speak to me during the day. Are you able to call or text her?

But tbh, I’d be inclined to take her with you.

MangyInseam · 17/09/2022 22:38

This should be just fine. My son is 12 and has spent the day alone without us a few times. He took care of the dogs and did some chores as well. I left him a lunch.

TheLassWiADelicateAir · 17/09/2022 22:39

I'm generally on the not wrapping children in cotton wool side of MN and when I joined I discovered I'd allowed my son a degree of autonomy which was at odds with many, but 6 hours for an 11 year old might be beyond my limits.

I might feel differently if it were the summer but after dark, I'd be unsure about it.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 17/09/2022 22:41

I was left home alone all day at that age when I was unwell and off from school and was home alone watching my younger siblings in school holidays. I think it’s fine.

I don’t think there’s that much difference between leaving alone for 1-2 hours and leaving alone for 6 hours in the day. If she’s going to get up to anything dangerous or untoward she could just as easily do that in 2 hours as in 6. If she’s sensible enough to be home alone in the day for a couple of hours she’s sensible to be home alone for a few more. Obviously if you start going into lengths of time where she’ll need to cook or shower or where it’ll be dark it’s different but if she’s just going to be eating a sandwich you’ve made her and sitting watching TV or playing on a tablet I honestly don’t think it matters how long it is. The fact she’s on a closed military base also makes a big difference, it’s not like anybody is likely to approach the house and there is a number she can call in the unlikely event of an emergency. It sounds like she will be fine.

PortalooSunset · 17/09/2022 22:42

Have you actually asked her if she'd be happy to be alone that long? I know I said I'd left mine at a similar age but I wouldn't have decided to without talking to them about it first.

EwwSprouts · 17/09/2022 22:44

I wouldn't leave an 11 year old that long. I also think at 11 she is old enough to know you sometimes have to do things for other members of the family without sulking just as you probably take her to sport/classes and have to sit and wait.

MzHz · 17/09/2022 22:52

She has ultimate back up in the guard house. Are there near neighbours too that could be there as a first line back up?

single working parents have to do this regularly and if she has a phone, you’re only minutes away.

I would - and did - leave my dc at that age. It’s about the child.

knickersniff · 17/09/2022 22:53

My 11 year old would be totally fine with this , he'd game until his hearts content . I'd leave a lunch for him and he can make himself drinks .

BadTimesAtTheElRoyale · 17/09/2022 22:56

From your description of her she will be fine. I have 2 girls 11 years apart. My forst born no way would I have left her my younger yes I would and have done. It comes down to the child. I am ex RAF so like you say she has the guardroom but not only that she could knock on a neighbour if needed.

MinnyMous · 17/09/2022 22:57

I think it is too young.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 17/09/2022 22:58

For those that say it's too long..why? What inherent difference is there between 2 hrs and 6 in terms of dangers? The op had said she's sensible and mature so not going to get bored and set fire to things or whatever. My 11 yo would lose themselves in gaming / YouTube / annoying the cat and eating crisps.