To leave an 11 year old alone for 6 hours?

[MamMedusa]

DH has a work thing on Monday that I'm "expected" to attend. DD is 11 (12 in Nov) & is adamant she isn't coming. She started secondary school this year, she's been letting herself in around 4pm and is alone until I get home from work around 5pm which has gone well so far, she's even started dinner on a couple of occasions, so her reasoning is that if she's capable of doing that then she's capable of spending a day alone.
She's pretty sensible for her age & can't see any major disasters happening, however we live on military camp so she has the guard room number for emergencies as well as obviously knowing how to call for an ambulance etc. We'll be around a 25 min drive away.

DH thinks she's too young & wants to make her come with us, however he'll essentially be working the entire time & it'll be me who's left to deal with her sulking & attitude, which in all honesty I really cba with atm.
I could stay home with her but this is one of the few of his work events I actually want to attend.
Genuinely not sure what to do for the best.

It's fine if you've judged that she's sensible. She can feed herself, amuse herself. She can contact you or the guard house if there's a problem...safer than most id say.

Assume you want to go to the funeral with him? Is there a friend/neighbour who can pop over a few times/take them for lunch? Id leave them a couple of hours but not 6.

I personally think 11/12 years old is a perfectly acceptable age to be left alone. I would have a rule though that under no circumstances is she allowed to answer the door.

Its too young imo.

It's not the funeral itself that we're attending (we're nowhere near that important unfortunately ) however it is related and DH has played a big part in the organisation of it, so I would feel guilty by not attending too.
I don't know anyone in the area well enough to ask to pop in to check on her, apart from my work friends but they wouldn't have access to camp without a pass which would be a complete arse ache trying to get hold of over the weekend, not even sure it's possible unless it's an emergency which obviously this isn't.

I would if she's happy to be left (and I did with my own when they were at secondary school).

She’ll be fine, particularly given the enclosed environment she is protected

She wants to be left, she's sensible, and she's in one of the safest places to be left alone - a military base!
FGS leave her, she'll be fine!

I think she's too young to be left alone for that long.

I think it's fine. If you can leave her something safe to re heat (so microwave or something so she doesnt leave hob or oven on) and she isnt leaving the house (so no chance of leaving the door open or something) I'm not sure what everyone is worried about going wrong. Younger kids might get up to no good, sliding down the bannister or something but the likelihood is she will be watching tv or something

The NSPCC guide might help you decide, it includes check lists and things to talkhrough with your daughter. learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/leaflets/home-or-out-alone-guide

Sorry if I've missed it, but is your military camp behind the wire? As in no-one can get in or out, unless with ID and past the guards?

Yes, my kids were home alone all day in school
holidays from 11, and DS2 was an August baby so only just 11 too

It's fine. She's nearly 12 and I'm assuming it's fairly safe if you live on a military base. Does she have a friend she can spend part of the day with? Even if she doesn't I'd still ler her stay home.
As you said she'll only be sulking if you make her go.

I think it is fine, especially as she can call in the guards if needed.

Depends on the child.

My daughter is 8, but the way she is now tells me I'd be more than comfortable to leave her for a few hours when she's 11/12.

My son on the other hand, not a chance

High school kids need to have some responsibility where possible that is appropriate for their age and independence.

Cba with attitude and the inevitable sulking that will come with forcing her to do something she doesn't want to, especially when she's at an age where she's seeking trust and independence.
It has nothing to do with not wanting to look after her, I'd love her to come but understand she's at an age where she has her own mind and can't force her into enjoying something she has absolutely no interest in.

Absolutely fine, so long as she is comfortable with the idea and there is fairly foolproof plan for what she would need to do in the (unlikely) event that there is a problem that means she needs adult help.

Sorry but I wouldn’t

things can unexpectedly happen, answering the door for a neighbour’s parcel or someone asking for directions….this happens all the time where I am

I have three teenagers and I know they push your buttons and are an absolute pain but saying you cba with you 11yr old and wanting to leave them home on their own for so long is tragic news wouldnt do it to my yr 9 she’s angelic

Ugh mangled end of post!

Absolutely fine. Keep checking in on her. Leave her a cold lunch and some snacks. Get some trusted friends to facetime her.

things can unexpectedly happen, answering the door for a neighbour’s parcel or someone asking for directions….this happens all the time where I am

um, just tell them not to answer the door? That’s what I do and tbh you’ve got to have lightening in your feet to get to the door before the yodel guy has chucked the package on the doorstep and legged it anyway.

I think the military base swings it for me. I’d allow it subject to ground rules.

Leave her. She’s completely capable of looking after herself