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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband not invited to stag event

266 replies

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 17:15

My niece (brothers daughter)was married last year. We travelled to Florida for the wedding. My DH kept asking when the stag do would take place but it seemed nothing was happening so dropped it.
When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.
He is deeply hurt and when I asked my brother about it he just said someone else arranged it and my DH had somehow been forgotten.
I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

OP posts:
FloofyUni · 17/09/2022 17:19

YANBU to be pissed

Especially if he was the only man who travelled to the wedding not included

Shortname · 17/09/2022 17:22

Wouldn't it be quite unusual to invite the bride's uncle to the stag do? I know brides father sometimes gets invited and grooms uncle if they're particularly close, bride's uncle seems quite a stretch.

FloofyUni · 17/09/2022 17:25

Shortname · 17/09/2022 17:22

Wouldn't it be quite unusual to invite the bride's uncle to the stag do? I know brides father sometimes gets invited and grooms uncle if they're particularly close, bride's uncle seems quite a stretch.

Not at an abroad wedding when the stag is held on location

In those situations it's usually all men who flew out that are invited/included

countvoncount · 17/09/2022 17:25

YANBU to be annoyed.... but it was last year!!!!!
Let it go, will gain absolutely nothing now bringing it up again

Daisy38 · 17/09/2022 17:26

Is he close to the groom? If not, it wouldn’t be so unusual not to be there, especially as they are a generation apart and it’s your niece he’s marrying rather than it being anyone connected with his side of the family.

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 17/09/2022 17:27

Why would a man invite his fiances fathers sisters husband to his stag do? He wouldn't, would he? It's really odd that he would be "deeply hurt" at not being invited.

It's kinda rude to keep asking about an event that you haven't been invited to btw. Take a hint.

skilpadde · 17/09/2022 17:28

The stag do is for the groom. The invitees will be the men he wants to celebrate with.

The groom's uncle-in-law-to-be would not be a typical invitee, unless your DH knows him well.

MessyBunPersonified · 17/09/2022 17:28

I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

Why are you continually asking?

Its happened, you were pissed off, you asked, you were told it was an oversight, there's nothing more that can be said or done.

Is it really worth falling out over?

Kfjsjdbd · 17/09/2022 17:29

How well does your DH know your niece’s husband? I wouldn’t have invited my own aunt to my hen party.

WildfellAnne · 17/09/2022 17:29

Surely the stag do is for friends of the groom. Was he told at the outset he would be invited?

greenhousegal · 17/09/2022 17:31

did you enjoy the wedding? tell us about a Floridian Wedding, I'm curious.

FloofyUni · 17/09/2022 17:31

WildfellAnne · 17/09/2022 17:29

Surely the stag do is for friends of the groom. Was he told at the outset he would be invited?

Did you even read the full opening post?

Every other man at the wedding went to the stag

This is very common for overseas weddings when the stag and/or hen parties are held on location that everyone is included as they've made a big commitment travelling

skilpadde · 17/09/2022 17:32

Kfjsjdbd · 17/09/2022 17:29

How well does your DH know your niece’s husband? I wouldn’t have invited my own aunt to my hen party.

Exactly. And I'd never have considered in a million Sundays that I should invite my husband-to-be's dad's brother's wife. This is equivalent.

Pixiedust1234 · 17/09/2022 17:34

I cant understand why he would be invited as it would be down to the grooms close friends doing the inviting.

However I can understand why he's hurt over nobody saying "sorry mate, we already had it". Why continue to keep it secret afterwards? Thats weird.

Kittenstruck · 17/09/2022 17:37

Similarly, I can also understand someone not wanting to invite a person to their stag night but excluding them when everyone else has been invited definitely says they don’t like you/there was an issue somewhere.

It would make me reevaluate my relationship with them.

Original poster
Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 17:37

Only 26 guests at the wedding, we all travelled together and stayed in same hotel. Closely involved with wedding travel plans etc.

OP posts:
WildfellAnne · 17/09/2022 17:39

FloofyUni · 17/09/2022 17:31

Did you even read the full opening post?

Every other man at the wedding went to the stag

This is very common for overseas weddings when the stag and/or hen parties are held on location that everyone is included as they've made a big commitment travelling

Show quote history

I read it just fine. Perhaps every other man at the wedding was a friend or family of the groom. And nowhere did the OP say the stag do was in Florida. I assumed it would be in the U.K. And anyway, they said it was an oversight, so if they meant to invite him, they just forgot- it’s no big deal at all. Nothing to get hugely upset about.

Octomore · 17/09/2022 17:40

Does he even know the stag that well? I wouldn't normally expect the bride's uncle to be invited to a stag do unless there was a personal connection.

At such a small wedding, it could easily be the case that every other man knew the groom personally.

Octomore · 17/09/2022 17:42

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 17:37

Only 26 guests at the wedding, we all travelled together and stayed in same hotel. Closely involved with wedding travel plans etc.

You were closely involved in the wedding plans of your niece? That's unusual.

greenhousegal · 17/09/2022 17:43

Face it, he is not a close relative, and is older than the stag boys. Think of all the money saved so go and have a night out for the Queen or something to take your mind off the injustice of it all.

Or you could go NC with them all, stalk the organiser (best man?), and stamp your foot at the same time. So there.

Octomore · 17/09/2022 17:43

It's kinda rude to keep asking about an event that you haven't been invited to btw. Take a hint.

I also agree with this.

ittakes2 · 17/09/2022 17:43

So are you saying that one day/night when you were all abroad together the men went off for a stag do leaving your husband out and you and your husband didn’t notice that all the men were missing or others were lying as to where they all were? Or did this stag do take place abroad but your hubby and you had not arrived yet?
Its very hurtful but a stags wife to bes aunts husband is a tenuous link. Unfort though if you and your husband were abroad at the same time a stag do occurred I would assume your hubby was left out due to him either having a strong core about something or he has personality traits others struggle with. I would ask your brother about whether he has personality traits other struggle with rather than go on about a stag do.

TrickorTreacle · 17/09/2022 17:43

Most stag threads on MN are us moaning that our 'D'H have buggered off for a few days without consideration.

Just be happy that your DH didn't go!

MinnieMountain · 17/09/2022 17:43

Maybe he simply didn’t want to invite him?
I viewed my hen do as the part of the celebrations where I could invite exactly who I wanted (so no BIL’s then DP).

BigChesterDraws · 17/09/2022 17:44

Octomore · 17/09/2022 17:42

You were closely involved in the wedding plans of your niece? That's unusual.

Show quote history

Not really that unusual if the niece lost her mother at a young age and the aunt became a mother-figure to her. That happened in our family, for example.