Husband not invited to stag event

[Lorrymum]

My niece (brothers daughter)was married last year. We travelled to Florida for the wedding. My DH kept asking when the stag do would take place but it seemed nothing was happening so dropped it.
When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.
He is deeply hurt and when I asked my brother about it he just said someone else arranged it and my DH had somehow been forgotten.
I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

OP, get a grip - you are being a dick and. Drama Queen

There is no reason why a groom should invite his fiancée’s aunt’s husband to his stag do. It IS weird to ask about it given the generation gap and the fact your husband is not immediate family.

The groom may well have invited the bride’s father and brothers and even a favoured uncle (because he felt he had to) and with such a tiny wedding party that might well mean your husband was the only man not invited. But it doesn’t mean it’s an insult to your or him, it just means the groom wanted to have as many mates as possible, not some random in law.

You put your brother in an awkward position asking about it and then moaning about it.

this does change it.

one if the grooms friends arranged a stag do. Invited the brides father, and I assume the brides brothers. Didn’t include her uncle.

were any other uncles at the stag do?

my dad has a tonne of nephews - and has never been to any of their stag dos. He would be very surprised to be invited and would politely decline! And they are his brothers sons!!

I mean I was just a bridesmaid and I could start a thread saying I was the only one (of 4) whose husband wasn't invited to the stag do... the truth is the bride was my best friend and the other 3 husbands were the groom's brother, BiL and best mate!

Assuming he would be invited is rude.

its basic etiquette. Not all make guests to a wedding are automatically invited to a stag do.

she is your niece - it’s nice you were invited. It doesn’t mean your husband goes to the stag do.

you both sound a bit much!

Also who is more upset here? You or your DH?

@Redqueenheart - the stag do was in the UK before they left for Florida.

It's up to the Groom (or the Best Man, if they are the one organising it) who gets an invite to a Stag Do. It was not for the Father of the Bride to ask for invites for other people, so being angry and being unable to forgive your brother for something which was out of his control seems a bit of an overreaction. I agree that it was wrong of your brother to deny all knowledge of the event, he should have just told him about it, but said that the Groom/Best Man had not invited your DH.

Sorry, Im off... Wish I hadn't come on here.

Because nobody's agreed with you?

Come on OP you must understand you are being unreasonable.

OP: Am I being unreasonable?
MN: Yes
OP: NOOOO IM NOT tantrums …

Seriously OP, you should take the response on here seriously. Your DH was seriously rude continually angling for an invitation, that behaviour won't make either of you popular.

I get the feeling he only kept asking because OP kept telling him to.

aw OP come on.

you threw a tantrum because your husband wasn’t invited to your nieces’ fiancé’s stag do.

no you are off in a huff because people told you you were being ridiculous.

I think there is a pattern here😂

Genuine question, if you are still riding.

Why ask if you didn’t want to hear you are unreasonable?

Riding? I mean reading. 😊

I somewhat agree with you. It’s a destination wedding. If your husband isn’t an OAP - given you went all the way there at your expense, it would have been more polite to invite him along with all the mates who attended the wedding as it seems all went to the stag do.

But then again, if you weren’t wanted why bother going … I’d rather spend my time with people who want me and like me.

Tbf if it was one of his friends who organising the stag they probably didn't even think of their friend's fiancé's father's sister's husband when inviting people.

Were all of your sister's fiancé's mother's and father's brothers' wives invited to your sister's hen do?

😵

Obviously your brother isnt close to your husband!
Stop being dramatic.

I mean, if you’re still annoyed at your brother then that’s your choice. I think you’re being dramatic but if that’s how you feel fair enough. Not sure what anyone here can say to change your mind about an event that happened in the past and that you’ve continually asked about. What do you want to happen?

I don't want anything to happen. I have only mentioned it once to my brother, not annoyed just hurt. The stag do was discussed every time we met with family. Should they go to a night club, carting, snooker tournament etc.
So far on this thread I have been called rude, dramatic, unreasonable, ludicrous, ridiculous, huffy etc. I maybe oversensitive but the other adjectives used are just unkind.

Does your DH and the groom go on many nights out together, are they good friends?

You seem to be avoiding questions about how close your husband is with your brother or, in-fact the groom.

You mentioned it once to your brother but your reaction is over the top. Especially, since your brother didn’t organise it.

Its a bit odd to expect to go the stag do of your wife’s nieces fiancé, unless you know them well. Even though he was invited to the wedding he was invited due to his relationship with you.

Is the issue that you generally feel your husband is excluded from things, by your brothers family?

I would say, for a normal wedding (as in one that takes place where everyone lives) then the only people invited to the stag and hen parties are the people that the bride and groom want there. That wouldn't normally include people outside their usual social circle, although sometimes they include their own family members like father or cousin or uncle.

BUT - they didn't go down that route, and instead they chose to do an overseas wedding at great cost to all the guests flying out. Under those circumstances I would say it was very rude to not invite everyone who was making that journey, even if they're only peripherally related. They're putting themselves out far more than anyone else who isn't attending, so if you've invited people doing less for you then you should be inviting the people who are doing more too.

I wouldn't bother asking about it again, but I would take it on board that I know where I stand with them going forwards, and I would remember it when they made the next big ask of me.

Is your dh a bit annoying/talks too much/boring op?

I would have to consider this in this scenario.

That said, my best friend's dh organised a big surprise birthday party for her and only remembered to invite me a day before.

That was 15 years ago and since we are still best friend's, I assume it was a genuine oversight!

They didn't want him there. It's as simple as that. We all have different relationships with people we are allowed to choose who we want to invite.