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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband not invited to stag event

266 replies

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 17:15

My niece (brothers daughter)was married last year. We travelled to Florida for the wedding. My DH kept asking when the stag do would take place but it seemed nothing was happening so dropped it.
When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.
He is deeply hurt and when I asked my brother about it he just said someone else arranged it and my DH had somehow been forgotten.
I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

OP posts:
Mochudubh · 17/09/2022 18:53

I think your brother is being too considerate, if I was him I'd say "Sorry DH feels that way Sis, but it was Bob's stag and his/best man's decision who to invite. EndOf."

Aprilx · 17/09/2022 18:54

Andromachehadabadday · 17/09/2022 18:48

Are you not reading?

The stag do was in the Uk before they left.

Op never said on location and clarified after 🙄

Show quote history

I have retracted my post within a minute as my page had not updated until I posted.

And yes I had 100% assumed the stag do occurred overseas because the idea that he would be upset about not being invited to a nieces fiancés stag do in the UK is so ludicrous that I didn’t even contemplate that would be the case.

Other people also made assumptions without the update.

5128gap · 17/09/2022 18:55

Aprilx · 17/09/2022 18:54

I have retracted my post within a minute as my page had not updated until I posted.

And yes I had 100% assumed the stag do occurred overseas because the idea that he would be upset about not being invited to a nieces fiancés stag do in the UK is so ludicrous that I didn’t even contemplate that would be the case.

Other people also made assumptions without the update.

Show quote history

I made the same assumption and would have responded differently had I realised it was in the uk, so you're not alone.

Andromachehadabadday · 17/09/2022 19:04

Aprilx · 17/09/2022 18:54

I have retracted my post within a minute as my page had not updated until I posted.

And yes I had 100% assumed the stag do occurred overseas because the idea that he would be upset about not being invited to a nieces fiancés stag do in the UK is so ludicrous that I didn’t even contemplate that would be the case.

Other people also made assumptions without the update.

Show quote history

Yes I posted that BEFORE your retraction. Did you expect me to predict your next post?

You and others made an assumption. Others didn’t then act like smug twat asking ‘are people not reading the full post’

When the full post doesn’t mention the location and you could r arsed look for updates before trying to get on your high horse.

I only gave you the same attitude back

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/09/2022 19:09

@Lorrymum did you go on the hen do

Original poster
Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 19:11

Im not sure why its ludicrous or rude to ask about stag do. We spent so much time discussing the wedding with family, I went to the hen do. Why is it rude to say "ok lads what are we doing for stag night?" As far as we were concerned the poor chap hadn't had one!

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 17/09/2022 19:14

Shes your niece though why would his gfs uncle by marriage attend his stag do completely bizarre.

Bananarama21 · 17/09/2022 19:15

Do you not understand it changes the dynamics having someone there your not particularly close to. Maybe your brother didn't want to have to involved your dh as he didn't know everyone else.

girlmom21 · 17/09/2022 19:16

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 19:11

Im not sure why its ludicrous or rude to ask about stag do. We spent so much time discussing the wedding with family, I went to the hen do. Why is it rude to say "ok lads what are we doing for stag night?" As far as we were concerned the poor chap hadn't had one!

It's not rude to say that once. It's rude to keep asking.

KrisAkabusi · 17/09/2022 19:17

Why is it rude to say "ok lads what are we doing for stag night?

Because it assumes (wrongly in this case) that you're invited! Because it forces the groom to have to say "sorry, it's my mates only."

aSofaNearYou · 17/09/2022 19:17

Were there many men there as tangentially related to the groom as your DH? Yes I know you said all the wedding guests were, but of those, were there several that the groom wasn't at all close to? I wouldn't expect an invite with that level of relationship.

bbcdefg · 17/09/2022 19:18

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 19:11

Im not sure why its ludicrous or rude to ask about stag do. We spent so much time discussing the wedding with family, I went to the hen do. Why is it rude to say "ok lads what are we doing for stag night?" As far as we were concerned the poor chap hadn't had one!

It's rude because he wasn't invited.

He's very tangental to the groom - you're an aunt to the bride. It's different.

mintbiscuit · 17/09/2022 19:19

Get over yourselves. Really? You’re upset your husband didn’t get invited to his nephew in law’s stag do? Never heard anything so ridiculous.

LAWinterofOurDiscountTents · 17/09/2022 19:20

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 19:11

Im not sure why its ludicrous or rude to ask about stag do. We spent so much time discussing the wedding with family, I went to the hen do. Why is it rude to say "ok lads what are we doing for stag night?" As far as we were concerned the poor chap hadn't had one!

Because he wasn't one of the "we". He shouldn't have assumed he was. It was weird and it was rude.

And then to keep asking over and over....just mental.

TugboatAnnie · 17/09/2022 19:24

Is his name Bryn?

Welliesintherain · 17/09/2022 19:33

To quote Elsa….

“let it gooooooooooooo, let it goooooooooooo”

britneyisfree · 17/09/2022 19:35

I guess he doesn't like your hubby as much as you. They didn't tell you to avoid offence more than likely.

Redqueenheart · 17/09/2022 19:38

Of course he is hurt if he flew all the way to US and every single man who attended the wedding but him was then invited to the stag do.

People who are saying it is normal not to invite an uncle are missing the point entirely. This would only apply of the groom had not asked everyone to fly to a different country and had not invited every single men but him. That's just rude and thoughtless to leave him out in these circumstances.

They also chose to lie to him when he asked about what was happening which makes it even worse. Although they knew full well that the OP's partner would find out at some point.

It just means they did not want him there for whatever reason.

I would have had some words with your niece about her partner behaviour after the wedding. Good luck to her because it sounds like she married an immature, thoughtless liar.

SirDavidAttenborough · 17/09/2022 19:38

@Lorrymum are your DP and the former stag close in anyway?!

YumYummy · 17/09/2022 19:42

I’d just assume that your DH isn’t in the groom’s top circle of mates and leave it as that.

JenniferBarkley · 17/09/2022 19:47

Perhaps rude to invite every other man at the wedding (although was he the only man of your generation on the bride's side?), but the continual asking will be why he wasn't invited. That's so so so weird when you're discussing your wife's niece's fiance's stag.

Tenner bets they were worried he'd get hammered/drugged up/want to go to a strip club.

WildfellAnne · 17/09/2022 19:50

@Redqueenheart
Eh? the stag do was in the U.K. before the wedding in the US. He wasn’t Billy-no-mates in the US.

Survey99 · 17/09/2022 19:53

The invite to the wedding and stag are completely different events.

You were at the wedding as your nieces aunt. You husband only by association with you.

It is up to the groom to invite who he wants on his stag. HIS friends and family, not his wife-to-be Uncle inlaw.

Must have been awkward for everyone when he kept trying to blag an invite by asking over and over again. Does he struggle to take a hint?

You and your dh are being embarrassingly unreasonable, let it drop.

TootsAtOwls · 17/09/2022 19:54

How well does your dh know the groom?
Cos that's who chooses the goats for his stag, not his father in law!

TootsAtOwls · 17/09/2022 19:54

Guests, not goats 😂