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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband not invited to stag event

266 replies

Lorrymum · 17/09/2022 17:15

My niece (brothers daughter)was married last year. We travelled to Florida for the wedding. My DH kept asking when the stag do would take place but it seemed nothing was happening so dropped it.
When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.
He is deeply hurt and when I asked my brother about it he just said someone else arranged it and my DH had somehow been forgotten.
I can't forgive my brother for this and we just feel ridiculous for continually asking about something that had already happened but was kept from us for some reason.

OP posts:
TheGoodFighter · 19/09/2022 22:32

LicoricePizza · 19/09/2022 21:38

What about what’s been paraphrased is simply not true @TheGoodFighter?

Why are you denying what the OP has actually said? Were you there?

You have lied and backtracked and pretended, and you can't cope with the fact that you are very firmly in thw wrong and most people can see that.

Have you listened to yourself?

Show quote history

Any of it?

The post that I said was untrue was this:

Out of a group of 26 who were travelling together to Florida (and staying together) the ops husband was the only one not invited

Which is obviously not true. Can you tell us what confuses you?

Cw112 · 19/09/2022 22:37

Shortname · 17/09/2022 17:22

Wouldn't it be quite unusual to invite the bride's uncle to the stag do? I know brides father sometimes gets invited and grooms uncle if they're particularly close, bride's uncle seems quite a stretch.

This was exactly my thought- my dh invited my dad, his dad, his brothers and his mates on his- I wouldn't have even considered my uncles. Although it depends on how close your husband is with your neices husband? There has to be a cut off point somewhere surely and I think if immediate family are included then that's probably where I'd have drawn the line too. It sounds like it was a very small wedding also so I wouldn't draw too much on everyone else being invited. I also would stop asking your brother. If someone else organised it and he's given you an explanation I'd accept that and move on.

LicoricePizza · 19/09/2022 23:24

@TheGoodFighter

The poster accurately paraphrased the OP who said

When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.

The OP told us 26 people attended the wedding.

So why rubbish the facts?

LicoricePizza · 19/09/2022 23:27

@TheGoodFighter

Only 26 guests at the wedding, we all travelled together and stayed in same hotel. Closely involved with wedding travel plans etc

Why is this according to you obviously not true??

Musti · 19/09/2022 23:31

Normally, I’d have said that an uncle doesn’t have to be invited … especially one from not your family, but it is hurtful if everyone at the wedding except for him was invited! Yanbu

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 20/09/2022 03:44

Lorrymum · 19/09/2022 13:46

It's over, lesson learnt
Also never air your emotions on Mumsnet if you don't have a thick skin. I have been called more names on here than I ever thought possible.

What a drama queen. You and your husband sound well suited.

Pixiedust1234 · 20/09/2022 12:04

op - you still haven't told us the relationships between the groom and the other staggoers. Context matters a lot. Were they all closely related to the groom or his friends?

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 12:10

LicoricePizza · 19/09/2022 23:24

@TheGoodFighter

The poster accurately paraphrased the OP who said

When we returned he saw pictures Facebook of a shooting event that every man who was at the wedding attended but he hadn't been asked to.

The OP told us 26 people attended the wedding.

So why rubbish the facts?

Do you actually need it explaining to you that the women didn't go on the stag, and the 26 people is women and men?

So no, the 26 people who attended the wedding did not all go to the stag. PP is correct, your comments were not at all true.

LicoricePizza · 20/09/2022 14:17

@LongLivedQueen

I was replying to @TheGoodFighter who commented on @Krabapple ’s post:

Krabapple · Yesterday 03:09

this thread is still annoying me as people aren’t getting the context. Out of a group of 26 who were travelling together to Florida (and staying together) the ops husband was the only one not invited. She has stated that they are close to the groom so not someone they barely know. You have every right to be annoyed OP but I don’t know what you can do about it now.

To which she replied
@TheGoodFighter
That is simply not true, so its not the rest if us not getting the context, is it?

And I asked her why is she (& you) saying this is not true - when Krabapple is accurately paraphrasing the OP??

Saying
Out of a group of 26 who were travelling together to Florida (and staying together) the ops husband was the only one not invited.

It’s already been established that not all the 26 who attended were exclusively male.

But OUT OF A GROUP of 26 - of which some would have been male & some were female, the OP’s DH was the only male not invited.

I was asking @TheGoodFighter why she (& you) are rubbishing the facts & accusing anyone who can see the OP’s point, along with the OP, of lying??

Stop distorting the facts.

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 14:25

Get over it Licorice. You were wrong. OP was wrong.

There was no reason at all he should have expected to have been invited, and he and OP acted very oddly about this.

Going to an overseas wedding and continually badgering people about an invite to a stags event (which anyone could have guessed had already happened in the UK)? So rude.

LicoricePizza · 20/09/2022 14:33

@LongLivedQueen

What exactly am I wrong about? You (& others) are distorting the facts to justify your own take on this.

So you can revel in accusing the OP of lying (amongst other things).

I’m just calling you & your kind, out.

Not my fault you don’t like being exposed for what you are.

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 15:04

Blah blah blah. She was lying, and changing her story to suit.

"we were continually asking" to "we were NOT continually asking, that would have been rude".

Do keep up dearie.

LicoricePizza · 20/09/2022 15:09

@LongLivedQueen

Accusing her of lying about the basic facts of the case for which you’ve just been exposed.

Then hounding her, demanding she answer you.

To then call her names.

There’s a word for this kind of behaviour.

Dearie.

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 15:13

LicoricePizza · 20/09/2022 15:09

@LongLivedQueen

Accusing her of lying about the basic facts of the case for which you’ve just been exposed.

Then hounding her, demanding she answer you.

To then call her names.

There’s a word for this kind of behaviour.

Dearie.

Get over yourself, I didn't demand a damn thing, or hound anyone. Neither did I call her names.

IS there a word for "complete inability to read posts and then accusing people bizarrely and possibly at random"? Or shall we just call its Licorice Pizzaing?

Original poster
Lorrymum · 20/09/2022 15:31

Im unsure why I am being accused of lying.What on earth would be the point? I will add this "description" to the other words used to describe me which apparently are totally acceptable on here. Insane, dramatic, rude, ludicrous, entitled, unreasonable, huffy, hard work and drama queen.
Im not sure why I deserve such vitriol but hey ho! Whatever floats you boat.

OP posts:
LicoricePizza · 20/09/2022 15:36

You don’t @Lorrymum 💐

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 15:40

Not sure why you're unsure OP, when you say one thing and then say the exact opposite, its not odd for someone to point out one of them must be a lie.

No "vitriol" at all. Perhaps you've never read an AIBU before? Whem you are BU, people tell you, quite bluntly. That's all that happened here. But you do seem really very sensitive so maybe you weren't able for aibu?

Lunde · 20/09/2022 15:59

Can OP answer 2 direct questions

  1. how many people attended the stag held before the wedding in UK?
  2. How were they related to groom?

Is it possible that the person organising the stag do bought a package for say 10 or 12 people to go shooting? Those sort of things often have limited numbers.

Perhaps your DH is not as close to the groom as you think - he may be viewed more as your husband rather than the groom's best mate

purpleboy · 20/09/2022 16:30

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 15:40

Not sure why you're unsure OP, when you say one thing and then say the exact opposite, its not odd for someone to point out one of them must be a lie.

No "vitriol" at all. Perhaps you've never read an AIBU before? Whem you are BU, people tell you, quite bluntly. That's all that happened here. But you do seem really very sensitive so maybe you weren't able for aibu?

There's blunt and then there's just being a twat......

LicoricePizza · 20/09/2022 16:59

LongLivedQueen · 20/09/2022 15:40

Not sure why you're unsure OP, when you say one thing and then say the exact opposite, its not odd for someone to point out one of them must be a lie.

No "vitriol" at all. Perhaps you've never read an AIBU before? Whem you are BU, people tell you, quite bluntly. That's all that happened here. But you do seem really very sensitive so maybe you weren't able for aibu?

AIBU aka Gaslighters Anonymous

Original poster
Lorrymum · 20/09/2022 17:51

It obviously want the correct forum. I just needed a sounding board and a bit of empathy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lorrymum · 20/09/2022 17:52

"wasn't

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 20/09/2022 20:24

@Lorrymum can you please answer the questions about context. What relationships did the stag goers have with the groom? Brothers, fathers, best mates? Or dave down the pub?

Original poster
Lorrymum · 20/09/2022 21:00

Where have I lied?
The relationships between stag party are of no consequence. The issue is that we were under the impression OH was going but were never told it had already taken place until we saw photos on Facebook. If husband wasn't to be invited fair enough but I reiterate,didnt know it had happened.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 20/09/2022 22:00

The relationships between the stag party and the groom ARE important. Why can't you see that?