for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

[dogsdander]

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

I wouldn't get rid of family pets, i would do things outside the house and without the dogs, with her. They will have to look into alternative childcare.

Its also not good for dogs to be bathed all the time so by all means keep them clean but to clean them for humans benefit is not really necessary

And OP shouldnt be told who she can have and not have around her house, its not for anyone else to say whether the other cousins can come to the house, all are invited, but this girl simply cant go

I think the answer is that more outside activities take place, so perhaps is there room or money to have a big summer house/lodge thing built in the garden, can that be the play room, chill out room, get a little heater out there.

I think it's rude and cheeky for your brother to even suggest it. It's your house ans you're doing them a massive favour by providing childcare. I definitely would not get rid of the dogs. Has she tried all the antihistamines etc? Sometimes some work better than others depending on the allergy. Sorry she is allergic but don't rehomw the dogs

How often do they actually come to your house op?

How old is Gemma?

How much longer are you going to be expected to do free childcare & are you really not expected to have the pets you want/have your house as you want for that time?

Also OP when you say she had a fit do you mean she has an actual fit or was she just upset at not being able to visit?

YABU.
Your niece has a severe dog allergy that includes asthma, every time she is exposed to them you are risking a blue light to hospital and potentially death.

Yes I know you love your dogs but humans are more important than dogs, especially your own niece. Psychologically it’s going fuck her up for her to be excluded from your side of the family, her cousins and all because you think the happiness a couple of dogs bring you is 1) more important than risking your nieces life and 2) it means more to you to have dogs in your life than your niece in your life. You are showing her that her life, love and companionship are worth less to you than a dogs life.

Rehome the dogs.

How often did she come to your house before the dogs arrived?

Even if the girl usually visits a handful of times a year?

I am not dog lover but your response sounds somewhat… OTT

@Doingprettywellthanks we usually have at least one siblings child(ren) here everyday Monday through Friday for at least a few hours. Before we got the dogs this specific niece used to come over about twice a week. More during summer.

Maybe offer to babysit in her house. That’s about as far as I’d do unless they want to pay for the house renovations!!!

Completely overdramatic

She must have been exposed to dogs before, its simply not possible that she has got through life so far without having friends who have dogs or teachers who have dogs and therefore dog hair on them, dogs that come running up to her in the park etc etc

Secondly she is not needing to be 'excluded' from the family, she will simply join in activities that take place in different family homes or outside or out of dinner, play parks etc etc

All these kids, all these other parents kicking about. Someone else can provide the “fun house”. I wouldn’t get rid of my dogs at all.

@MyneighbourisTotoro Not a medical fit. She was just upset and had a tantrum.

Bloomin heck…. Really?! How come? Sounds like unpaid childcare to me!

School? This is odd op

Are your dogs puppies or adult dogs? I only ask as my son suffered a dreadful allergic reaction when we got a puppy....wheezing, unable to breathe etc...
I was on the verge of rehousing the puppy but my vet said the reaction was probably due to puppy dander and when the dog got her adult coat it would go away.
I went to 'York test ' and tested my son for dog allergies and it came back saying he wasn't allergic to dogs. When our puppy was about 7 months old all his reactions disappeared.
Obviously if yours are adult dogs 🐕 it won't be the same!

And you all must live on each other’s doorsteps!

@diddl Gemma is 8 years old.

But apparently human family members that have been in the family for years are totally disposable compared to dogs that have been in the family for only 6 months….

For someone who is allergic to dogs she need to stay away.

They are unreasonable to suggest you get rid of the dogs but you are being unreasonable to suggest she comes to your house.

They need to find alternative child care.

Actually I have grown out of my allergy in the last ten years and I only have a mild allergy now. Before I couldn't go in a house if the dog had been there in the last five days.

Op you mind find it helpful from an allergy sufferers point of view?

my dh is seriously allergic to cats and dogs. He’s ill for weeks after being in close contact. He loves animals and really grieves not having a dog (as do I). His family on the other hand all have dogs and cats - all of them. Their pets are like their babies. Dh can’t visit his family and neither do they come to us very often. Maybe once a year as they won’t leave their dogs at home / kennels.

it’s extremely sad. I can’t help but feel they’ve put their pets far above their son / brother / nieces & nephews.

I feel for your brother. It’s scary and can be life threatening. It’s very worrying watching an allergy sufferer have a serious reaction.

People suggesting you should get rid of your dogs are BU. Gemma's parents need to stop being so entitled. If you want to help, you could arrange some kids days outside of your home. Otherwise, carry on as you were but include little Gemma however you can. Your brother needs to know that dogs are not disposable.

But apparently human family members that have been in the family for years are totally disposable compared to dogs that have been in the family for only 6 months….

I must have missed the part where the OP's niece is being put out of her own home.

I would struggle to forgive my sibling if they asked me to remind my dog just so I could look after their child!

I would say that you will not be rehoming the dog but as a compromise you will visit theirs as much as you can or do more meet ups outside of the home like the park, woods or beach.

@bellac11 I wasn’t allergic to dogs as a very small child. I used to sit on my aunties Alsatian and ride him like a pony! My allergy started at around nine. Looking back it was probably linked to puberty as my asthma has deteriorated again with the onset of peri menopause. Apparently it’s common for asthma to be triggered by hormones in women. So in this case it is perfectly possible the niece wasn’t allergic when she was younger.