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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

643 replies

dogsdander · 12/09/2022 15:20

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

OP posts:
Purple52 · 15/09/2022 20:44

Speaking as someone with allergies (especially to dogs) …. She needs to get used to it!

I can tell if there’s someone horsey/doggy stood behind me in a queue at the supermarket till ! & I don’t smell them.

they need to find a means of managing it. Especially as so many blooming places now seem to be accepting of people taking dogs!

keep trying different antihistamines.

if I was your niece I’d be effected by spending time with anyone who has a fog. Like anyone in her class at school.
dog hair/dander gets everywhere.

Sead · 15/09/2022 21:14

Absolutely not it's embarrassing they would even ask you to do that!

SunshineLoving · 15/09/2022 21:19

Of course you should not get rid of your dogs. I am shocked that your brother would think this, never mind actually say it to you.

Your brother should be finding a way for his daughter to manage her allergy, not making suggestions for your life that would make you deeply unhappy.

Mfsf · 15/09/2022 21:23

Sorry but absolutely not !! Your family comes first and those dogs are part of the family . Take your niece out once a month or something but do not get rid of the poor dogs

LuckyPeonies · 15/09/2022 21:47

Re-home your dogs ?? That is the height of cheek and entitlement. Managing her allergies and child care arrangements are up to her parents, not you. You are NOT being unreasonable.

Jewel7 · 15/09/2022 22:06

No don’t rehome. Maybe she can come on nicer days when you can be outside. I have a non moulting dog my son is fine with. However he struggles with his breathing around my parents dog it’s worse in winter when the dog moults more. It’s just about taking sensible steps.

dawngreen · 15/09/2022 22:28

What will your niece and her parents do when walking outside. When they meet people with dogs in the same area. I feel for her but maybe she needs to meet you some where outside your house. You could take her to the bowling alley or pictures, and make it a nice day for her. But don't be forced to give your dogs away. They cannot make demands every place they meet dogs..

Roxy69 · 15/09/2022 23:56

Completely and absolutely it is not right to ask you to get rid of your pets for one child. It's tough but you have to stand firm and not let him rule your lives. Utter cheek, I am shocked. However, something has to be addressed about why you have even been approached to do this. It would seem you have allowed being 'the house of fun' to sap your judgement. I would have made it very clear immediately that it is not his business to ask you to take such punitive action against your dogs. All he had to do is ask is that you meet Gemma outside your family home for some times so as to include her. Being 'fun' is all very well but not if it jeopardises your family in any way, they should be your priority.

Energydrink · 16/09/2022 02:44

Bye bye dogs!!

my nieces and nephews will always come first over any animal. It isn’t a mild allergy either that she has.

you are not obligated to do a damn thing and they shouldn’t make you feel bad for keeping the dog, but if you were my sibling I would look at you a bit sideways for that decision

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 16/09/2022 14:02

A dog allergy is NOT a disability ffs.

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:19

Severe allergies which are life-threatening can count as a disability for the purposes of the Equality Act 2010.

Someone who is asthmatic and experiences breathing difficulties due to a dog allergy, for example, could reasonably expect an employer to adapt their working conditions if someone brings a dog to work and jeopardises their health.

MichelleScarn · 16/09/2022 14:52

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:19

Severe allergies which are life-threatening can count as a disability for the purposes of the Equality Act 2010.

Someone who is asthmatic and experiences breathing difficulties due to a dog allergy, for example, could reasonably expect an employer to adapt their working conditions if someone brings a dog to work and jeopardises their health.

I can see why in public or places that this should happen but this scenario is in a private home that Gemma isn't compelled to attend?

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:59

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm just pointing out that in the workplace, an employer would have to accommodate someone with an accessibility dog and another employee with a severe allergy to that dog.

xogossipgirlxo · 16/09/2022 15:02

Is it possible to look after Gemma and her sibling at your brother's house?

jewishmum · 16/09/2022 18:37

Well it's whatever is more important to you.

notdaddycool · 16/09/2022 18:41

Keep the dog, if the notice wants to see your child they could invite him over.

XenoBitch · 16/09/2022 18:44

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:59

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm just pointing out that in the workplace, an employer would have to accommodate someone with an accessibility dog and another employee with a severe allergy to that dog.

Yes, they would. But this scenario is not a workplace. It is a private home. OP does not have to provide any reasonable adjustments at all.

purplehair1 · 17/09/2022 15:19

Wow you are such a lovely aunt/sister! What amazing help you are giving your whole family! I think it’s totally unreasonable of them to think you should get rid of your lovely dogs though I do feel sorry for Gemma. What an awkward situation but it sounds like her parents are taking you a bit for granted as free childcare.

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