for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

[dogsdander]

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

[TiddleyWink]

@MichelleScarn

Sounds lovely and vindictive @TiddleyWink are you advocating that Gemma's dad would then not allow ops son to go to their house to spend time with the cousins there?

Of course not. Where on earth did I indicate that? I’m just saying that it’s a massive positive thing for an only child have their cousins spend lots of time in their home and that he is likely to miss out as a result of this situation.

[MyneighbourisTotoro]

@dogsdander

@MyneighbourisTotoro Not a medical fit. She was just upset and had a tantrum.

Well that makes his request even more ridiculous and entitled and unfortunately labels them sounds like very precious parents.
I can understand she is upset but no one was to know and you can’t control these things.
I’m allergic to cats despite owning them my whole life, I have to take medication to control it but I wouldn’t give up my cats, I know you’ve said this is difficult for your niece due to another medical condition but you’ve already gone above and beyond.
Have you looked into the dog shampoos/lotion that are supposed to help allergy sufferers? I think someone mentioned it earlier on the thread. They do something similar for cats and it really does make a difference.

[dogsdander]

@Doingprettywellthanks After school when they don't have other activities. We really don't mind. We like having kids running around.

[bellac11]

@BunsyGirl

@bellac11 I wasn’t allergic to dogs as a very small child. I used to sit on my aunties Alsatian and ride him like a pony! My allergy started at around nine. Looking back it was probably linked to puberty as my asthma has deteriorated again with the onset of peri menopause. Apparently it’s common for asthma to be triggered by hormones in women. So in this case it is perfectly possible the niece wasn’t allergic when she was younger.

Good point you can develop allergies at any age unfortunately

[Brideandpredjudice]

You don't owe them free childcare. They are incredibly unreasonable and clearly don't understand the bond people have with their dogs.

[erinaceus]

If Gemma has only discussed the problem with her GP, I would suggest perhaps discussing with the GP whether it is worth getting a referral to a specialist to see if there are other medication options that have not been explored. She might have exhausted all options here but she might not have.

It sounds like a really, really crap situation for Gemma, I feel sorry for her.

[Noteverybodylives]

Yes I know you love your dogs but humans are more important than dogs, especially your own niece. Psychologically it’s going fuck her up for her to be excluded from your side of the family, her cousins and all because you think the happiness a couple of dogs bring you is 1) more important than risking your nieces life and 2) it means more to you to have dogs in your life than your niece in your life. You are showing her that her life, love and companionship are worth less to you than a dogs life.


Rehome the dogs.

Or nieces parent’s can entertain the cousins in their own home instead of palming their child off on OP and then moaning about it.

[Tierne]

This is so unbelievably untitled.

They do realise that many people barely ever see their aunts and uncles and cousins? That they are incredibly privileged not only to all live nearby, but to have free continuous childcare?

You cant even think of getting rid of your dogs. This is outrageous. The "poor Gemma" comments on here are a bit eye rolly too. Gemma will get over it.

[BabyJellyShark]

As an only child I'd much rather have kept my pets than saw more of my cousins. I liked my cousins and saw them regularly which was nice but I'd never have chosen to give up my pets for them.(Thankfully that wasn't necessary)

[Doingprettywellthanks]

@dogsdander

@Doingprettywellthanks After school when they don't have other activities. We really don't mind. We like having kids running around.

Are the parents there? Do they drop them off or come in? Do you feed them too?
presumably you’re very close to their schools?

[TiddleyWink]

It's your job to teach your children how to behave around dogs; I despair at people who pass on their irrational fears through fear-mongering to their children, so that they are hysterical around pets. 🙄 The more people I meet, the more I like my dogs comes to mind!

So how does one ‘parent’ a severe allergy out of a child, pray tell? What an utterly moronic comment. It’s also totally irrelevant to the OP’s situation. Just another fanatical dog lover who insults and belittles people who don’t share their passion. So weird.

[SeaToSki]

Suggest she tries a mask (properly fitted N99 equivalent) and swimming goggles and wears long sleeves, trousers and gloves. Then has a shower immediately when she gets home.

It might keep her symptoms manageable and then she has to decide if the trade off is worth it to come to your house.

Its a bit like the children with severe food allergies who have to decide if they want to go to birthday parties and eat at a separate table with different food, or just not go at all. It sucks but it still doesn’t change the facts

[startfresh]

@BabyJellyShark

As an only child I'd much rather have kept my pets than saw more of my cousins. I liked my cousins and saw them regularly which was nice but I'd never have chosen to give up my pets for them.(Thankfully that wasn't necessary)

I would choose my dog over everyone.

Except my DC. That's close, though.

[Discovereads]

@Doingprettywellthanks

Even if the girl usually visits a handful of times a year?

I am not dog lover but your response sounds somewhat… OTT

The girl used to come over frequently. It’s not a “handful of times a year”
Theyve only had the dogs for 6months, the dogs will not be that attached and can easily find a better forever home.

I love dogs. I just happen to love my human family members more than I love dogs. It’s not ethically right imho to put the pleasure of owning a dog over the safety and relationship with a human family member. Having a severe dog allergy is a medical condition, a disability. It’s cruel to purposely keep the dogs and exclude Gemma from family life and relationships. She only has one family. Dogs can be found another family and be equally happy.

[GiselleRose]

You sound like lovely relatives who have been kind to family opening your home to them so often. I’m allergic to dogs but would never expect someone to not have/rehome a dog because of this. My boyfriend has a dog and since being around the dog I have actually become less allergic to them but I think that may be an older age thing as my allergies were far worse when younger.

[MyneighbourisTotoro]

This is what I’m talking about if you haven’t used something like this, there are other brands as well, obviously its important to research them to make sure there’s no adverse effects for the dogs but I used something similar on one of my cats and it helped.

healthy-house.co.uk/product/petalcleanse-for-dogs-350ml/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoaPhxNOP-gIVArDtCh2LuAHKEAQYASABEgKq2vD_BwE

[Hesma]

Maybe your son could be invited to Gemma’s house to play

[TiaraBoo]

Your brother can’t demand you to get rid of your pets! Why is he not stepping up to host the cousins at the weekend if he can’t do it in the week?

[dogsdander]

@Doingprettywellthanks the kids get dropped off. Sometime the parents will come in to chat. We do feed them snacks and sometimes a meal if they stay later, but their parents all pitch in for food.

[ArseInTheCoOpWindow]

Petal cleanse made no difference to my allergy.

If the neice is wheezing, it’s quite a bad allergy.

[GettingOrganisedNow]

@ConnectQ

I think people are missing the relationship side of things. The niece will end up being the one the other cousins aren’t close to, if they are regularly meeting up and she isn’t. Young children are very attuned to this sort of thing. It’s not about the niece being provided with alternative ‘fun’ or ‘entertainment’ . It’s about being a part of the same family experiences and so building those relationships based on those shared times together.

Not necessarily. I know cousins who grew up together who are not close at all, and others who hardly saw each other who get on great as adults.

In any case, is it the end of the world if two cousins don't end up "close"? Plenty don't, and still get on absolutely fine in life.

[tillytown]

Why so people keep telling the OP to organise activities outside of her home for her niece? She isn't the parent, she is the aunt. It's the parents responsibility to make care their daughter sees the other cousins, not OPs. It's crazy how you all go on about wife work and how lazy men are, but then come on threads like this and demand the woman does all the leg work.

[tillytown]

*make sure

[MyneighbourisTotoro]

@startfresh

I would choose my dog over everyone.

Except my DC. That's close, though.

Same! My pets are part of my family, I put my all effort into training them and loving them and they are equal in my eyes.
I was close to my cousins as a child but I would never have forgiven my parents if they got rid of our pets just so my cousin could visit our house. There are ways around this and as an allergy sufferer it’s my job to change my life around others, my family make adjustments where possible but when it comes to living creatures it’s a lot more difficult than not eating nuts for an afternoon, when it comes to cats I just give them a quick pet but make sure I take my meds and wash my hands etc, sometimes I come into contact and react badly, it can affect my asthma which is horrible but it’s impossible to avoid all allergens 100% of the time.

[10HailMarys]

I loathe dogs and find it really sad when real human people miss out on family stuff because they either can’t or don’t want to be around dogs.

The OP didn't know her niece would be allergic to dogs. Just like your kids' uncle didn't know your kids would be too scared of his dog to visit his home. It's sad that you feel you can't visit there any more, but it's also very much your problem and not his.