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AIBU?

for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

643 replies

dogsdander · 12/09/2022 15:20

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

OP posts:
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purplehair1 · 17/09/2022 15:19

Wow you are such a lovely aunt/sister! What amazing help you are giving your whole family! I think it’s totally unreasonable of them to think you should get rid of your lovely dogs though I do feel sorry for Gemma. What an awkward situation but it sounds like her parents are taking you a bit for granted as free childcare.

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XenoBitch · 16/09/2022 18:44

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:59

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm just pointing out that in the workplace, an employer would have to accommodate someone with an accessibility dog and another employee with a severe allergy to that dog.

Yes, they would. But this scenario is not a workplace. It is a private home. OP does not have to provide any reasonable adjustments at all.

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notdaddycool · 16/09/2022 18:41

Keep the dog, if the notice wants to see your child they could invite him over.

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jewishmum · 16/09/2022 18:37

Well it's whatever is more important to you.

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xogossipgirlxo · 16/09/2022 15:02

Is it possible to look after Gemma and her sibling at your brother's house?

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:59

No, I'm not saying that.

I'm just pointing out that in the workplace, an employer would have to accommodate someone with an accessibility dog and another employee with a severe allergy to that dog.

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MichelleScarn · 16/09/2022 14:52

FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:19

Severe allergies which are life-threatening can count as a disability for the purposes of the Equality Act 2010.

Someone who is asthmatic and experiences breathing difficulties due to a dog allergy, for example, could reasonably expect an employer to adapt their working conditions if someone brings a dog to work and jeopardises their health.

I can see why in public or places that this should happen but this scenario is in a private home that Gemma isn't compelled to attend?

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/09/2022 14:19

Severe allergies which are life-threatening can count as a disability for the purposes of the Equality Act 2010.

Someone who is asthmatic and experiences breathing difficulties due to a dog allergy, for example, could reasonably expect an employer to adapt their working conditions if someone brings a dog to work and jeopardises their health.

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ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 16/09/2022 14:02

A dog allergy is NOT a disability ffs.

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Energydrink · 16/09/2022 02:44

Bye bye dogs!!

my nieces and nephews will always come first over any animal. It isn’t a mild allergy either that she has.

you are not obligated to do a damn thing and they shouldn’t make you feel bad for keeping the dog, but if you were my sibling I would look at you a bit sideways for that decision

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Roxy69 · 15/09/2022 23:56

Completely and absolutely it is not right to ask you to get rid of your pets for one child. It's tough but you have to stand firm and not let him rule your lives. Utter cheek, I am shocked. However, something has to be addressed about why you have even been approached to do this. It would seem you have allowed being 'the house of fun' to sap your judgement. I would have made it very clear immediately that it is not his business to ask you to take such punitive action against your dogs. All he had to do is ask is that you meet Gemma outside your family home for some times so as to include her. Being 'fun' is all very well but not if it jeopardises your family in any way, they should be your priority.

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dawngreen · 15/09/2022 22:28

What will your niece and her parents do when walking outside. When they meet people with dogs in the same area. I feel for her but maybe she needs to meet you some where outside your house. You could take her to the bowling alley or pictures, and make it a nice day for her. But don't be forced to give your dogs away. They cannot make demands every place they meet dogs..

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Jewel7 · 15/09/2022 22:06

No don’t rehome. Maybe she can come on nicer days when you can be outside. I have a non moulting dog my son is fine with. However he struggles with his breathing around my parents dog it’s worse in winter when the dog moults more. It’s just about taking sensible steps.

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LuckyPeonies · 15/09/2022 21:47

Re-home your dogs ?? That is the height of cheek and entitlement. Managing her allergies and child care arrangements are up to her parents, not you. You are NOT being unreasonable.

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Mfsf · 15/09/2022 21:23

Sorry but absolutely not !! Your family comes first and those dogs are part of the family . Take your niece out once a month or something but do not get rid of the poor dogs

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SunshineLoving · 15/09/2022 21:19

Of course you should not get rid of your dogs. I am shocked that your brother would think this, never mind actually say it to you.

Your brother should be finding a way for his daughter to manage her allergy, not making suggestions for your life that would make you deeply unhappy.

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Sead · 15/09/2022 21:14

Absolutely not it's embarrassing they would even ask you to do that!

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Purple52 · 15/09/2022 20:44

Speaking as someone with allergies (especially to dogs) …. She needs to get used to it!

I can tell if there’s someone horsey/doggy stood behind me in a queue at the supermarket till ! & I don’t smell them.

they need to find a means of managing it. Especially as so many blooming places now seem to be accepting of people taking dogs!

keep trying different antihistamines.

if I was your niece I’d be effected by spending time with anyone who has a fog. Like anyone in her class at school.
dog hair/dander gets everywhere.

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Ineedcoffee2021 · 15/09/2022 10:30

nocoolnamesleft · 14/09/2022 17:05

But it's fine to tell a child with a potentially life-threatening allergy to fuck off, she doesn't matter? I am personally happy to rate children higher than animals.

No, people arent telling her to fuck off

They are saying meet ups now need to take a different turn and be at another location and the parents of the child should step up more to make that their home or another viable location instead of demanding others get rid of beloved pets from their homes

Im allergic to fish but havent told my husband or kid they not allowed it in the house
There are just rules about how we do things when they want fish - i cook first to avoid cross contamination
He cleans everything
If he wants that as takeaway, i get something else
Even guests wait for my food to be done if he cooks on the BBQ and there is fish involved - there is no straight up ban or in op case ' rehome your dog'

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Wizzywoo18 · 15/09/2022 10:22

On a practical note, there are products you can apply to the dogs' coats that reduce the allergens. This may have been mentioned before but I can't skim 25 pages of comments right now: Petalcleanse and Allerpet.
Both available online. They have some impressive reviews on amazon and don't have to be applied everyday.

I realise this may not be enough but possibly worth a try.
And keep your dogs.

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knockyknees · 15/09/2022 00:52

YANBU
I don't even like dogs particularly, and I say to keep it.

If you did get rid of the dog, then at some point it's going to become a bone of contention between family members. Either between you and your brother, or your son/possibly the other cousins and Gemma. The kids will believe that it's "Gemma's fault" that the dog had to leave, and resentment will set in. (It's obviously not Gemma's fault that she has the allergy, but children won't necessarily see it that way; all they'll do is equate Gemma/her allergy = dog leaving = Gemma's "fault").

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Runnerduck34 · 14/09/2022 22:47

It's really difficult.
Tbh I do feel for Gemma , it must be very upsetting for her to no longer come to your house and be with her cousins when up to now it's been a big part of her life.
I would definitely make a lot of effort to spend time with her and her cousins at other places. Your brother should be instigating this too.
In these circumstances I would also try and make throughly clean and put the dogs in a different room for just one day every couple of months or so to allow her to still visit.
But I wouldn't rehome the dogs.
There's no perfect solution.
I think honest and emphatic conservations are needed.

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TrashyPanda · 14/09/2022 20:22

jules911 · 14/09/2022 18:07

Cat among the pigeons. I’m disabled & have a service dog. I’m now rather concerned about taking the dog out, with regards all these comments of dogs being just dogs or mutts ! Should I be worried when getting on a bus, train or even a lift. If the person next to me is allergic to my dog, would they then feel entitled to sue me because he’s just a dog!!! He goes to work with me & by law he is entitled to, so what then? I’m fortunate that it is my company, so to date I’ve never had a problem with colleagues etc., So I’m fucked if some of these people on here ever apply, as according to some he is ‘just a dog.’ Unfortunately have even had to part from a very dear partner because of ‘just a dog’.

Oh please don’t worry!

Your dog is a vital part of your life, and I’m sure it is a life changer for you, as well as a dearly loved companion.

my friend has a guide dog, and he has been given back his freedom and confidence

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TrashyPanda · 14/09/2022 20:18

nocoolnamesleft · 14/09/2022 17:28

No the nefarious part is to then exclude one child, because of her health condition. But carry on the same set up for the other children who do not have a disability.

So rather than the brother stepping up and making his home the “fun house”, you see the choices are either banning all the kids or getting rid of the dogs?

madness.

the brother needs to take positive steps to enable his child to see her cousins. And the best way is for him to make his home the gathering point. It might take time, effort and money - but it will be worth it.

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thing47 · 14/09/2022 19:25

The bottom line is, no one is obliged to make alterations to their home or living arrangements to accommodate someone who doesn't live there.

The situation is unfortunate for Gemma and perhaps can be alleviated by doing more things outside the house and making an extra effort to involve her in these, but if she can't go inside the house while the dogs are present, then she can't. Clearly as she's 8 it's up to her parents to explain this in an age-appropriate way and to manage her expectations

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