for not getting rid of dogs when niece is allergic?

[dogsdander]

My husband and I don't have to work that many hours and when we do they're from home so it puts us in a good position to help our siblings and watch their kids. My husband has 1 sister with 2 children. I have a brother, with 2 children. A sister with 3 children. I also have a younger half brother with 1 child. My husband and I also have a son. So 9 kids all together between the ages 4-12. They’re usually not here all at the same time, but they all do come over often. Sort of a mix and match depending on various schedules. They all seem to have a fun time (in their words we have the “fun house”) and our son loves to socialize with his cousins.

Almost half a year ago we got two dogs. All the kids were very excited and have enjoyed playing with them. Unfortunately we found out that my one niece (Gemma) is allergic to dogs. She’s never been around a dog much before so neither she nor her parents knew about the allergy. It is not just a mild allergy either. She doesn’t just get sniffles she actually started wheezing and had trouble breathing.

We have tried to do things to minimize allergens in our home. However it is very difficult because of our home is fully carpeted. Regular vacuuming did nothing. We got an air purifier and steam cleaned our carpets before she came over one time and kept the dogs outside for the day and it worked, but of course after a day the dog dander had gotten everywhere and we were back to square one. We decided this wasn’t a viable option to do on a regular basis because of the cost and the increased amount of wear and tear. It also leaves the majority of our house unusable while we waited for the carpet to dry.

My brother and sil (Gemma’s parents) have taken her to the doctor to try different medications to help with her allergies. The problem is Gemma already takes medication for a different medical issue and it interferes with a lot of allergy medicines. They’ve tried some other things suggested by her doctor, but nothing really helps.

My brother has asked that we get rid of our dogs because Gemma had a fit the other day. She’s upset that she hasn’t been able to come over to the “fun house” and play with her cousins all these months while they still come over all the time. My brother thinks that we are causing her to feel left out by not getting rid of the dogs.

I understand how unfair it must feel for Gemma, but neither me or my husband or son want to get rid of our dogs. They’re part of the family now. We have become very attached to them. Especially our son. He would cry his eyes out if they had to be given up.

It’s not like we can stop watching the other kids to make Gemma feel less excluded either. Our siblings don’t have it as easy as us and they need the help sometimes.

Given meat eating has somehow made its way into this I'm waiting for someone to suggest op eats the dogs as a solution its that crazy 🤣

I’m not even touching that argument (and I’m a vegetarian who is trying to become vegan). Apparently if you eat meat then you have no right to prioritise your pets over a child that isn’t yours. Yet the child’s actual parents can sit back and do fuck all. Make it make sense.

I know, I just can't even answer those posts that reach so bizarrely they bring in eating meat into this. I just can't even..... It just doesn't even deserve a response.

The point wasn’t against vegans at all. Quite the opposite in fact.

The point is that everyone is a self proclaimed champion of dogs rights, they are sentinel beings, part of the family, defenceless animal etc….

Half have probably troughed a Big Mac this week and just pick and choose which animals deserve their unwavering protection when it suits them to do so.

It’s amazing that you were able to take your cat with you through such a traumatic time. However, I don’t think this child is going into a bomb shelter, it’s about playing at a cousins house. And as far as I know it’s not a service animal. Anyway I didn’t suggest to rehome the dog, just surprised at the lack of empathy for the child just because the parents are not able to look after all kids at their house instead.

💋Thank you for your compassion and dedication to your cat family member.

I think people feel more for a defenceless animal because in a way it's more vulnerable. No one would suggest giving a child away and sending it to a shelter. Or locking it away in a room. Animals can't speak, are more vulnerable, defenceless, and seen as more expendable and disposable. Hence why many take up for the defenceless animal.

My point, as you well know, was that (some) people always try and turn things like this around and make out people have no right to care about pets PETS when they eat meat.

As a vegan im always happy when people care about animals, however that looks to them. Otherwise whats the alternative? Eat meat? Well you shouldn't give a shit about your pets then 🙄

Honestly 🤣🤣🤣

Hey, does anyone remember seeing the footage of Ukranians at the border with cats in carriers, a few months back, when they were fleeing Ukraine? That really brought to me the poignancy if the affects of war.

If you were willing, I'd offer to look after all the kids at your brother's house on the days you'd normally have Gemma. If your brother and SIL won't have that, then they are the ones who aren't willing to compromise/make sacrifices/ be inconvenienced for their daughter's sake.

Lol, I’m not looking for praise. My point is that bonds with animals can be incredibly strong, and a cousin one is not inherently one that a child would consider to be most important, despite the opinions of their parents.

Like I said, I would have summoned demons in response to my parents deciding to rehome my pet to accommodate a visitor. The cousin relationship would be dead, and the cousin herself would be made well aware that she was even less welcome than she was when the pet was in residence. My brother would have been the same. No one should kid themselves that rehoming the dogs means that it’s all goes back to normal and everyone is happy.

I have no idea of this woould work, could you try keeping a section of your house dog free? Preferably an area you can close off with a door. Even better if brother will contribute to cost, having one section dog free and carpet free so DN could come and play just in that bit of the house.

Did you have a point? I thought you piggybacked off someone else’s.

Context matters. People ‘pick and choose’ all the time, from what animals they’re fond of, to whom they choose to be friends with, to whom they choose to sleep with. I’m sure you would ‘pick and choose’ the comfort of your mother over the comfort of a stranger (or even a cousin).

Companion animals have existed alongside meat eating for centuries. it’s really not the ‘gotcha’ you seem to think it is.

When people say stuff like "ah ha!!! So you eat meat, why are you so bothered about a pet being hurt/abused/mistreated/ chucked out then" i always imagine that once they actually think about what they are saying they feel like a very silly sausage indeed

As if vegans are there like "oh wait you do kick your dog regularly? Phew at least you're not hypocrit" 🤣

Not everyone would agree. My relationship with my cousins is as close as siblings, our children now meet over the holidays and do what we used to do as kids together. I would be very sad if an argument or disagreement led to permanent estrangement. What happened to family values 🤦🏽‍♀️ If the family didn’t get along in the first place, fine, but they clearly love each other dearly. You don’t have to get rid of the pet to accommodate one person and you shouldn’t have to end a sibling relationship either. There are ways to go around it, the brother contributing to any extra cost would be a good suggestion back and keeping a dog free room. We have family that are scared of cats so when they come over we make sure the cat cannot come into the room they are in.

I’m not expecting everyone to agree. Whether they agree or not has no bearing on what my reaction would have been, or would be as an adult asked that question.

Families are made up of individuals. You can adore some people, and be prepared to fake your own death in order to avoid having to interact with others. Some family members them you may even be completely indifferent to. I personally have friends I am closer to than some family members.

I don’t consider myself obliged to value someone based solely on the fact they share a proportion of DNA with me, as that strikes me as being quite the low bar.

But the OP IS close with the family so I don’t understand what you not having that affection for your family has to do with it.

A dog is a dog. It literally does not care where it stays, as long as it is fed and walked a bit.

This kind of fucked up thinking is why I mostly prefer animals or at least people who like animals.

And when the niece decides she too cool even for the "fun house" and stops coming, you no longer have your dogs....
Absolutely not. If it was YOUR child, fair enough. But no, the entitlement here is staggering.

I feel for you, OP. This is a very difficult situation. It’s horrible being allergic to dogs especially when the reaction isn’t just sniffing or itchy eyes, but not being able to breathe properly. It’s very frightening. Unfortunately, anti histamines aren’t going to help much. I’m allergic to dogs and I have asthma. Does your niece have an inhaler she could bring when she’s round at yours? The one single thing that helps me when I’m in a house with dogs is having good ventilation. Having windows open really does help. They have to be open in all weather though. Also, keeping the dogs out of the room your niece is in. If none of this works, at least you have taken her allergy seriously and have tried your best. Don’t get rid of your dogs. They are part of your family. It’s unreasonable of your brother to ask. Good luck.

Because whilst some may like to believe that the dogs being rehomed means that everyone can get back to normal, it doesn’t actually make it true.

why should OP devastate her own child, husband, and self, in order to accommodate a visitor?

oh dear - this is a no win situation! If she can’t come to yours than you’ll have to to go elsewhere. Getting rid of your dogs is not an option.

@dogsdander have you decided what you are going to do? Has there been any further input from your brother?

@KTKismet I'll probably just talk to my siblings about helping. We've either already tried all the other suggestions here or they wouldn't work for our situation.

That's the only thing you can do OP

I hope your bro doesn't let this cause a rift in the family