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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you attend a wedding and not even give a card ?

228 replies

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 19:49

I got married not long ago. I had around 90 guests.

I had a card box on display, but noticed that around 20 guests didn't even give us a card.

I didn't have a present list or anything like that. The invitation specified that no presents were required, but if people did want to give something, then cash would be appreciated. (Worded much nicer than that ).

I definitely didn't expect money from everyone, but perhaps a card ?

We gave wedding favours etc. We had no distinction between evening and day guests etc. We just had everyone join us for the entire day.

OP posts:
EllieRosesMammy · 10/09/2022 19:50

It's tacky to show up to a wedding without even so much as a card. Can't believe people have actually done that 😬

sheepdogdelight · 10/09/2022 19:51

We had something similar and lots of people gave nothing.

I think if you tell people you just want to spend your wedding day with them, and don't expect them to give you anything, then you can't really be surprised when they follow your instructions!

Sophfreddie · 10/09/2022 19:51

I'd definately give a card, and a present!

Sparklythings1 · 10/09/2022 19:52

I actually haven’t checked if anyone came without giving a card but we did have one person give a card with nothing in it and no gift. I almost thought it would have looked better not to have given a card at all then we might not have noticed but it was the way they gave a card only to sort of make a point. We hadn’t made a list or asked for money or anything, just left it up to them.

I can only speak for myself and say I wouldn’t be able to go to a wedding and do that but obviously some people can 😕

HeddaGarbled · 10/09/2022 19:52

My experience is that younger people often don’t bother so much with cards these days: environmental concerns & communication via social media, I think.

Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 19:53

Wow that's mental! I mean if there were only one or 2 who didn't give a card, I'd assume their cards went missing somehow. But with 20 odd giving not even a card, I'd say that something you wrote in the invite (or said to them previously) gave them the impression you really didn't want anything at all.

brusselsprout5 · 10/09/2022 19:54

I got married last summer. We had same, some people turned up without a card even. It was only 3 couples who gave us absolutely nothing but I did find it strange. We had a free bar too so no money at all was required from our guests on day except their outfits & travel to/from venue. I found it a bit rude. I guess they thought we wouldn't notice as had so many other gifts/cards.

Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 19:54

Did the people who didn't give you a card, transfer money to your account? Or did they literally give you nothing?!

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 19:55

Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 19:53

Wow that's mental! I mean if there were only one or 2 who didn't give a card, I'd assume their cards went missing somehow. But with 20 odd giving not even a card, I'd say that something you wrote in the invite (or said to them previously) gave them the impression you really didn't want anything at all.

IT must be that.

It said something like, your presence is all that is required, however if you wish to bring a gift - get the cash money out. Obviously kidding with the last part. Grin

OP posts:
Maireas · 10/09/2022 19:55

I'm just going to say that I find it really tricky nowadays. I've always given a card and gift, but nowadays people already have so much and don't want or have a need for anything. They usually ask for money for the honeymoon, but I never know how much to give and don't want to look cheap. It's so awkward!

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 19:55

Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 19:54

Did the people who didn't give you a card, transfer money to your account? Or did they literally give you nothing?!

Nada !

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 19:56

Unbelievable!

ThreeFeetTall · 10/09/2022 19:56

We recently went to a wedding and came back home with the card Blush we are going to post it!

drpet49 · 10/09/2022 19:57

Unbelievably rude and tacky. Poor mannered people.

Leeds2 · 10/09/2022 19:57

If I were getting married, I wouldn't want presents and would make that clear in the invite. And I wouldn't actually want presents, at all. I still think a card would be nice though!

plinkypots · 10/09/2022 19:58

If you say no presents then you need to mean it...I don't think you meant it OP!

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/09/2022 19:59

Yep same for our wedding last year

think no cards let alone cash from 5 couples /people

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:00

plinkypots · 10/09/2022 19:58

If you say no presents then you need to mean it...I don't think you meant it OP!

I think you're right. I thought we would get a card at least. Oh well. It doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

OP posts:
sofap · 10/09/2022 20:01

OP you said don't bring presents and in my book, that means there's no need for cards either.

Maybe I'm biased though because I hate cards. Any type of cards, birthday, Christmas, congratulations, commiserations. Maybe I'm boring but they just seem so pointless.

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:02

sofap · 10/09/2022 20:01

OP you said don't bring presents and in my book, that means there's no need for cards either.

Maybe I'm biased though because I hate cards. Any type of cards, birthday, Christmas, congratulations, commiserations. Maybe I'm boring but they just seem so pointless.

I think that must have been how people took it. There is no other explanation.

OP posts:
Maireas · 10/09/2022 20:02

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:00

I think you're right. I thought we would get a card at least. Oh well. It doesn't really matter at the end of the day.

Show quote history

It obviously matters to you, but you're right just to let it go.

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:03

@Maireas the important thing is that they turned up !

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 20:03

I mean if it was someones 5th wedding to a waster, I certainly wouldn't be going mad with the cash gift. But to not even get a card is poor form and I'm inclined to think you shouldn't attend the wedding if youre going to be a cheapskate about it!

That being said, a friend of mine never cashed a cheque I gave her for her wedding. I asked her about it because I thought the card must've gone missing. I also didn't want her to think I'd given nothing. She was very coy about it and never cashed it.

parrotonthesofa · 10/09/2022 20:03

Yeah I mean if you say your presence is all that is required...I do think people give cards less these days.
IMO it is tacky to ask for money.

Gensola · 10/09/2022 20:04

We got married in August and about 6 or 7 couples didn’t give us a card or present. I think it’s a bit rude and we definitely noticed /will remember who didn’t 😳😬

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