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Original poster

Would you attend a wedding and not even give a card ?

228 replies

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 19:49

I got married not long ago. I had around 90 guests.

I had a card box on display, but noticed that around 20 guests didn't even give us a card.

I didn't have a present list or anything like that. The invitation specified that no presents were required, but if people did want to give something, then cash would be appreciated. (Worded much nicer than that ).

I definitely didn't expect money from everyone, but perhaps a card ?

We gave wedding favours etc. We had no distinction between evening and day guests etc. We just had everyone join us for the entire day.

OP posts:
loopydlop · 10/09/2022 20:29

Name changed as outing.

Went to brother in laws wedding. Was told no kids were invited- absolutely fine and completely understand. However, when I actually turned up, his new wife to be had invited all her nieces and nephews and made some flower girls/ page boys without even inviting one single child from DH side.

We had got a card and put £100 in it. No drinks were included so I bought a bottle of wine, felt a bit drunk and decided to open the card take the £100 out and use it to have a good time and popped the empty card in the wishing well Grin

rumbypumby · 10/09/2022 20:29

plinkypots · 10/09/2022 19:58

If you say no presents then you need to mean it...I don't think you meant it OP!

Agreed.
Greedy and entitled behaviour

Workyticket · 10/09/2022 20:29

Both of my brothers did. Brought their families, drank the alcohol we bought and ate the meal - then fucked off.

I've not spoken to either since.

BecauseICan22 · 10/09/2022 20:30

Feel for you OP. It's rude and really bad manners. Regardless of whether you gift or not, a card with well wishes is standard.

I got married in March. 250 people attended. That was what we wanted. Every single person there was someone known and special to us and we wanted to celebrate with them. It was also the first main get together for both sides post Covid.

Ours was an Indian wedding so you don't really discuss gifts as such. People always, always give cash and or a card. We ended up with almost £10k in cash which I'm proud to say we donated to charity as we really have been blessed financially. Because we were donating the cash, we did a gift list to thank everyone for their genoristy.

We were stunned at how many people, that we KNOW are pretty wealthy, were more than happy to attend, eat and drink and also stay in the hotel accommodation that we paid for overnight and they literally didn't even leave us a card with good wishes in it.

I actually called and spoke with 12 separate people and asked if they'd enjoyed the wedding, they said they loved it and that they'd had the best time. I said 'great, could you make a donation to x charity as we've done the same with all of the money we've kindly been given for our wedding'. I left it at that.

Newnameoldme2022 · 10/09/2022 20:32

I gave my friend a card and money around 6 months ago. Never received a thank you or acknowledgement. No idea if they got it.

Is there anyway some cards got lost?

TBH I don’t like when couples say all we want is your company but also here’s a link to our gift list or then go on to ask for money!

EllieRosesMammy · 10/09/2022 20:34

Abraxan · 10/09/2022 20:29

But that was YOUR choice. You and your partner decided on that.
As I said before, the wedding isn't a transaction between you and your guests. You provide them with a fancy wedding and they have to provide you with a card and gift. That's not how things should work.

I assume you booked the type of wedding you wanted, where you wanted, when you wanted and within your budget.

Show quote history

I don't think OP is saying she had a fancy wedding so expects loads of cards or gifts, in fact she specifically said no gifts. But you can buy a card for as little as 50p so I think it's the gesture that's missing here, not the fact they haven't given back what they've recieved :)

Maireas · 10/09/2022 20:35

Newnameoldme2022 · 10/09/2022 20:32

I gave my friend a card and money around 6 months ago. Never received a thank you or acknowledgement. No idea if they got it.

Is there anyway some cards got lost?

TBH I don’t like when couples say all we want is your company but also here’s a link to our gift list or then go on to ask for money!

....and then double check who gave nothing!

ParentallyUnprepared · 10/09/2022 20:35

I did this once.

The card wouldn't fit in my bag so instead of taking it to the ceremony, I left it at home and intended to go home during the "in between" bit but I got wasted instead.

I did give it to them a few weeks later, though.

Smilingwithfangs · 10/09/2022 20:35

I just don’t think you can lay on food and drink as part of an event that is wholly of your choosing or stipulate no gifts and then judge people for not bringing one or not being grateful in the way you prefer (a card).
I hate cards for occasions as they are environmentally awful and a ridiculous cost for what they are. So I would phone to say thank you for a lovely event but I wouldn’t take a card for the hell of it. And if you said no gifts I would take you at face value. I hate all this no gifts but actually we will judge you for not giving a gift rubbish.

TheNoodlesIncident · 10/09/2022 20:36

There are plenty people who look to save money in any area they can, including donations for school trips where if insufficient funds are raised, the trip can't go ahead. These are usually people who are not desperately stuck for cash either, they're just tight.

I can't imagine turning up at any kind of do empty-handed, no matter what the hosts say (unless they are very elderly and specifically request no gifts, which is understandable). I mean if the hosts say "You don't have to give a present but if you want to then please give money" then I wouldn't go without a card with money in. Even barbecues given by friends, I'd ask what I could bring to give something.

Rewis · 10/09/2022 20:36

I find this interesting cause I only buy cards because of the social convention. Whenever someone gives me a card I just go "nice" and throw it away. I can totally see "no gifts" to also mean no cards.

I would bring a card and money (well here you do a bank transfer, no actual cash) to a wedding. Even with no gifts I would bring a card cause I'm aware it's a thing

willieversleep · 10/09/2022 20:37

How long ago? My dh and I went to a wedding and completely forgot about card (containing significant cash gift). Found it 6 weeks later and delivered immediately with apology.

They might arrive yet.

HorribleHerstory · 10/09/2022 20:39

I didn’t know wedding cards were a thing.

I’ve never taken a card to a wedding. Never seen anyone walk in with a card in their hands either. I’ve seen tables for presents which I’m guessing might have tags or cards attached but I’m thinking maybe people would not have wanted to put a card with money down on a random table.

thinking about it I’ve never taken a present to a wedding either but I am a bit shite

Lesserspotteddogfish · 10/09/2022 20:40

No, I think that’s quite rude, but a few of my husbands friends didn’t bother with cards or present.

fallguys2 · 10/09/2022 20:40

We had a few who didn't give us anything. It didn't bother us.

We had similar wording to you, where we just wanted people to be there - I think you should only say that if you mean it 😉

feckoffbrian · 10/09/2022 20:40

HeddaGarbled · 10/09/2022 19:52

My experience is that younger people often don’t bother so much with cards these days: environmental concerns & communication via social media, I think.

I (aged 43) have never bothered with cards.

And when people send them, I never put them up. It's just a waste of resources and clutter in my eyes.

So I wouldn't bother with a card.

I usually give booze rather than money. I think it is incredibly crass to ask for money.

But, if you told people that you don't want presents, then you hardly have a leg to stand on.

(And seriously, you made a list and checked????ConfusedHmm)

1Wanda1 · 10/09/2022 20:41

This happened at our wedding: one couple came (also with their child, who we invited as child was friends with our child), gave nothing and no card either. I found it really odd and to this day still wonder if perhaps they brought a gift with them which for whatever reason didn't find its way to us and they would then think that WE were rude not thanking them for it.

fallguys2 · 10/09/2022 20:42

(And seriously, you made a list and checked????)

@feckoffbrian You have to for the thank you's. You would lose track of who gave what if you didn't and it would be embarrassing.

coldcaff · 10/09/2022 20:45

I did this twice in one year! Just totally forgot to take the card along with me on the evening- one I gave to the bride afterwards, the other is still in a drawer in my hallway 🤦‍♀️

MissingNashville · 10/09/2022 20:46

I don’t send cards for any occasion apart from children’s birthdays, so if you said no present, you would get nothing. I think lots of people say ‘no presents but if you really want to give us something then cash will be great’, actually mean they want cash from everyone but feel it’s cheeky to say.

BelleMarionette · 10/09/2022 20:47

It seems like people took you literally on the 'no presents' request, which is understandable.

Lots of people find requests for cash crass.

However turning up with no card does seem a bit mean.

If there was a gift list, it's fairly standard for guests to buy from this I think and not get a separate card.

DillDanding · 10/09/2022 20:48

Much as I loathe requests for cash, I always give it. And I’d never not give a card.

But did we go through the cards we got to check all guests had given one? No way. I couldn’t have told you if anyone didn’t bother.

GretaVanFleet · 10/09/2022 20:51

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:20

@EllieRosesMammy the wedding was pretty fancy. Venue super fancy, we went all out.

But then you requested money…

Lockettop · 10/09/2022 20:51

I once went to a colleagues wedding. We'd all signed a joint card around the office so I didn't think any more of it. I was really embarrassed when my colleagues turned up at the wedding with a separate individual card and I didn't.

PinkingScissors · 10/09/2022 20:52

Is there a chance that someone could have stolen cards from your box? I'm always wary of putting cards in to this type of box for this reason, especially if the couple has asked for money.