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Original poster

Would you attend a wedding and not even give a card ?

228 replies

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 19:49

I got married not long ago. I had around 90 guests.

I had a card box on display, but noticed that around 20 guests didn't even give us a card.

I didn't have a present list or anything like that. The invitation specified that no presents were required, but if people did want to give something, then cash would be appreciated. (Worded much nicer than that ).

I definitely didn't expect money from everyone, but perhaps a card ?

We gave wedding favours etc. We had no distinction between evening and day guests etc. We just had everyone join us for the entire day.

OP posts:
Maireas · 10/09/2022 20:07

Gensola · 10/09/2022 20:04

We got married in August and about 6 or 7 couples didn’t give us a card or present. I think it’s a bit rude and we definitely noticed /will remember who didn’t 😳😬

Hunt them down! 😊

LT2 · 10/09/2022 20:08

Yep, we had a family turn up that gave us nothing. No card.. nothing.

Bubblebubblebah · 10/09/2022 20:09

Many people are not into cards.
Did they look happy for you? Did they wish you the best and congratulated or whatever instead? That's their card😁

HeadacheEarthquake · 10/09/2022 20:10

Absolutely not!!! We even as evening guests would bring a card and a small token of some honeymoon cash in whatever currency they need, converted ourselves.

We didn't expect presents and asked for honeymoon euros, some still did gifts and those who are younger and strapped for cash still did a card with lovely thoughtful written messages, and we are just glad they travelled from all over the country to see us. But no card is a bit mean and it would make me feel differently about someone for sure. They can be as cheap as 50p it's the message inside that counts.

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:10

Bubblebubblebah · 10/09/2022 20:09

Many people are not into cards.
Did they look happy for you? Did they wish you the best and congratulated or whatever instead? That's their card😁

You're right. I'm actually really grateful they turned up. And I personally absolutely hate giving cards and never give them. But I would do for a wedding for sure. That's the only Situation I would give a card.

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 10/09/2022 20:11

No, I would always give a card and some kind of gift, even if only a small cash gift.

KittyCatsby · 10/09/2022 20:12

My husband is autistic . He would take that literally , and think you are asking for no presents , you don't want any presents , and the money would be a happy surprise but you don't have to do it. So he wouldn't.

EllieRosesMammy · 10/09/2022 20:12

To add on, if you've said no gifts but cards/cash welcome and they still haven't brought anything, did they atleast offer to buy you both a drink at the reception? That's what I'd do if the couple said no gifts and I didn't want to bring a card with cash, I'd approach them at the evening reception and offer to buy them a nice glass of champagne or a cocktail, something special x

33goingon64 · 10/09/2022 20:14

After our wedding, when we were looking through the gifts and cards and working out who gave what so we could write thank you cards, I realised one friend had seemingly given neither. Unless there was a bag that got misplaced or whatever. For about 5 seconds I was a bit put out, then I thought about it and reasoned that: we'd got married abroad and guests had to buy plane tickets and pay for hotels for 2 nights and she wasn't in a high paid job; we'd stated 'no presents' so really she'd just done what we asked; in the end, she and I have been close friends and helped each other through a lot - the fact she was there was what mattered. So, I got over it very quickly!

Thefailinghousewife · 10/09/2022 20:14

We had the same when we got married this summer! We paid for everyone’s accommodation / travel costs and had a free bar too. There was about 5 people out of 100 that just gave nothing, it was weird! I wasn’t bothered about the gift, but the lack of card did feel a smidgen rude after we had tried so hard to make sure no one had any costs to attend. I don’t even goto a play date without a bunch of flowers or something for the host, I can’t imagine rocking up at a wedding with no card at the least!

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:14

EllieRosesMammy · 10/09/2022 20:12

To add on, if you've said no gifts but cards/cash welcome and they still haven't brought anything, did they atleast offer to buy you both a drink at the reception? That's what I'd do if the couple said no gifts and I didn't want to bring a card with cash, I'd approach them at the evening reception and offer to buy them a nice glass of champagne or a cocktail, something special x

No nothing. But we did have an open bar, so no need to buy any drinks.

OP posts:
woodhill · 10/09/2022 20:14

That's absolutely awful

I would always bring something to every occasion

SleepingStandingUp · 10/09/2022 20:18

Well you know who to not invite to the christening!!

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:18

SleepingStandingUp · 10/09/2022 20:18

Well you know who to not invite to the christening!!

Hahaha

OP posts:
EllieRosesMammy · 10/09/2022 20:18

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:14

No nothing. But we did have an open bar, so no need to buy any drinks.

Show quote history

Oh wow an open bar too and still that many people didn't bring anything, I'd feel really awkward attending a wedding where absolutely everything is inclusive and I didn't even bring a card 😬

Original poster
bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:20

@EllieRosesMammy the wedding was pretty fancy. Venue super fancy, we went all out.

OP posts:
Caroffee · 10/09/2022 20:25

I always take a gift and card to weddings but have seen people take nothing.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 10/09/2022 20:26

I would never dream of attending a wedding without a gift, never mind a card!!

Abraxan · 10/09/2022 20:26

Like a pp said, if you write 'no gifts' you have to actually mean it, because some people will turn up without a gift as you've told them to do so.

I think, especially for younger people, cards are not seen as being very important and aren't bought/given as much. Messages in social media, etc are often dine instead of cards for all manner of occasions.

Many wedding guests will probably have thought you'd have a guest book to write a message - the type you'd write in a card traditionally. So perhaps thought that would be better than a card.

Re the wedding favours - that's irrelevant, as it the cost of the meal or anything else. Weddings, and any other party, aren't a transaction - you don't provide a meal and favours in exchange for a gift. You chose to give the favours.

UnagiForLife · 10/09/2022 20:26

Seriously, who cares about this stuff? I doubt everyone who came to my wedding gave a card and I didn’t even notice. We asked for no presents or even cash and genuinely meant it. Tallying up who did and didn’t give a card, present or cash after the event is grabby and pathetic in my opinion, sorry. Enjoy your marriage and be thankful people went to the effort of coming to your wedding.

LucyLoopyLu · 10/09/2022 20:27

When I was younger and went to my friend's wedding (first one to get married) I didn't give her a card or a gift. I had already spent money on the hen do (abroad), the travel, the taxis, etc. I also didn't know you were meant to give a card otherwise I would have taken one.

When we got married we said no gifts on the invitation. We still got lots of cards and some presents and money. I was grateful for everything but never even thought of being annoyed at anyone who hadn't given us a card. We definitely didn't get a card from everyone and I never thought that was unusual.

Maireas · 10/09/2022 20:27

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:20

@EllieRosesMammy the wedding was pretty fancy. Venue super fancy, we went all out.

Yes, but that was because you wanted a super fancy wedding, not to get gifts, surely?

rumbypumby · 10/09/2022 20:28

Sparklythings1 · 10/09/2022 19:52

I actually haven’t checked if anyone came without giving a card but we did have one person give a card with nothing in it and no gift. I almost thought it would have looked better not to have given a card at all then we might not have noticed but it was the way they gave a card only to sort of make a point. We hadn’t made a list or asked for money or anything, just left it up to them.

I can only speak for myself and say I wouldn’t be able to go to a wedding and do that but obviously some people can 😕

This reads as very ungrateful. The same person would have spent money on an outfit and travel to your wedding, not to mention drinks and then getting home. Their attendance should have been enough as well as a card to wish you well.
You never know what someone's circumstances are but they have shown up to wish you well in your marriage and celebrate with you. You should consider the cost involved in attending a wedding before including a gift.

Yes it's unusual but I wouldn't be as ungrateful to say you wish they had given you nothing rather than just a card. Greedy and entitled attitude towards things.

rumbypumby · 10/09/2022 20:29

Dacadactyl · 10/09/2022 19:54

Did the people who didn't give you a card, transfer money to your account? Or did they literally give you nothing?!

Why do people who get married these days just expect money??
A bank transfer? Don't make me laugh 🤣

Abraxan · 10/09/2022 20:29

bridezilllaaaa · 10/09/2022 20:20

@EllieRosesMammy the wedding was pretty fancy. Venue super fancy, we went all out.

But that was YOUR choice. You and your partner decided on that.
As I said before, the wedding isn't a transaction between you and your guests. You provide them with a fancy wedding and they have to provide you with a card and gift. That's not how things should work.

I assume you booked the type of wedding you wanted, where you wanted, when you wanted and within your budget.