Would you attend a wedding and not even give a card ?

[bridezilllaaaa]

I got married not long ago. I had around 90 guests.

I had a card box on display, but noticed that around 20 guests didn't even give us a card.

I didn't have a present list or anything like that. The invitation specified that no presents were required, but if people did want to give something, then cash would be appreciated. (Worded much nicer than that ).

I definitely didn't expect money from everyone, but perhaps a card ?

We gave wedding favours etc. We had no distinction between evening and day guests etc. We just had everyone join us for the entire day.

I've accidentally brought the card home from a wedding before. The bride never spoke to me again.

Yes, I'm finding this odd, too.

It is blisteringly rude to turn up empty handed at a wedding without even as much as a card to congratulate the couple
It really isn't. It's a little lacking in grace but really very little in the grand scheme of things. We asked for charity donations in lieu of gifts too. I have no idea who donated or didn't or what amount. I don't know if we got any cards from some people with no donation or no cards at all.

I've read some jaw-dropping things on here over the years and what you did is right up at the top of them. Just because a charity benefitted doesn't make it any more justifiable.

Cards are a complete waste of money and paper especially for guests who are going to wish you well in person. Whilst I would probably get one and some kind of gift, it seems stupid to specifically tell people that gifts are not required and then get in a snit about lack of card or gift. If you were being honest you actually wanted cards with money.

It can be expensive to attend a wedding, and on many occasions in the past I've gone without to make sure I can attend a wedding and give a cash gift in a card. Sorry, I don't do that anymore! I'm not living on beans on toast and the last drops of petrol in my car to give someone a gift.

If someone enjoys my company and deems me important enough to share their special day with, then my attendance and happiness for their marriage is surely enough. Cards are usually filled with insincere dribble and given to try and avoid looking incensere!

Recently married myself. A few guests didn’t give cards, I did find it very, very weird. We invited people because we wanted them there (well there was one or two cousins invited to keep the peace). and we really appreciated that they went to trouble of turning up and spending the day with us. I just can’t fathom going to someone’s wedding and not giving a card. Obviously any gift were a bonus and some people can’t afford to give a gift and that’s reasonable that they not give a gift when they can’t afford it. Some of the cards had the loveliest messages and we really enjoyed reading them.
I did have one guest and their partner who didn’t bother showing up until after the meal so we paid for two meals for nothing. No apologies or card.

What do you class as 'younger'? I'm mid 20's and wouldn't dare show up without a card at the very least (always put money in) and the same goes for all my friends.

We had this - smallish wedding, around 50 guests. Only received 33 cards. Most with nothing in - just a card. My aunt and uncle gave us £20 and they are a family of 9, 7 of which came. Kids are adults too, nothing from any of them. Grooms mum gave a card and nothing else.
My bridesmaids didn't throw me a hen do. My mum bless her took me away for two days though bless her, out of pitty I feel though..

I think it's shameful.

I find it ugly all these wedding poems wanting gifts - i ignore them and always leave a card and a present. Just wanting cash just seems so souless to me.

I disagree the cards were more important, we made a scrapbook of ours and it is a part of our memory of the day

@Flubber88 I completely agree, it’s so cheeky! On the one hand pretending no gifts necessary, it’s all about the day etc - which is utter bollocks because basically on the other hand they just want cash and not some gift they deem shit. I always ignore those poems!!

I’d agree that cards and messages can be way more meaningful to keep. I’m not married, but my parents still have a folder of them in the back of their wedding album. Cards and telegrams all lovingly kept for 50 years!

Ultimately, you invited them to be your guest at your wedding. Nothing more or less.

Cards, presents, cash, all of these are traditions or social norms but none of them are requirements for wedding attendees.

You asked them to show up to celebrate with you (and unless they live round the corner and drank tap water all night, they did so at some level of expense to themselves). They did that. Surely the card isn't that important? It'd be nice but it's not like they've failed at being a guest, they just forgot or didn't think it was important or don't see the point or hate waste or see wedding cards (as I do) as a way to transport a cash gift and they couldn't afford/didn't want to give one.

Yes, very rude. We had the same at ours, I was pretty shocked

Also autistic and would have taken it very literally

Surely some of your guests were couples who gave a joint card?

No one is owed a hen do or other ancillary festivity.

We said no presents, got a few presents but no cards from people who didn't bring a present (which was the majority). I'm ok with that, I actually hadn't even thought about it until now and our wedding was over 10 years ago.

Yes, we have all our cards in a scrapbook. Lovely to look back on.

When I was married I had a couple turn up all day, her , her bf and 2 kids, after some huffing from them we even invited his 3 children ( we didn't know they even existed let alone at all, let alone met them ) from previous marriage... So 7 all in, they turned up without a card, made a fuss about the meal and wanted something else cooked for his children ( just because they didn't fancy it ) ... Fast forward 5mth, one of our other friends got married , and again the whole 7 had to be there ( all night and day ) , again turned up without a card.... Fast forward 2 years and this friend decides she is getting married , no partners were allowed , and definitely none of our kids, she had also put on invite that due to them saving for a house and that they had finally found the perfect one that no physical items gifts were to be given , and that they would rather ££ around about the £100 mark..... Needless to say none of our friend group attended that wedding.... Oh I must add ,my wedding was a new hotel in the area , was in walking distance for everyone , even so we laid on a bus , so no one had travel spends .

Unbelievable! I could never do this.
However I do know from experience that sometimes stuff goes missing/gets misplaced, at weddings.
But I would always take a present and card.

I'd definitely give a card but I think it's incredibly bad taste to expect anything as well. I certainly didn't keep tabs on who gave me a gift/card on my wedding day.

Well OP, it depends how you phrased it, but I kind of get the feeling the message was ...

Don't get us anything, but if you absolutely must then cash would be good.

To me, that means don't get anything unless you feel really uncomfortable not getting anything, in which case just give money. So I'm not surprised people followed your request and didn't get you anything. Your own fault really !

A little odd for it to be so many! Saying that, I’ve been to three weddings this year and at two I forgot to leave the card! Found it in my bag a few days later with the cash inside. But I did post them after.

If someone included a message that presents were not required, I would find myself dithering on if it was appropriate to bring a present or even a card. Normally I would absolutely give a nice wedding gift and card, but the message would make me think I might be rude to bring either.

🤣