To asked how you discovered OW

[Onicron]

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

Didn’t have suspicions at the time at all but now looking back there were a couple of things- he got a personal mobile instead of just using his work one and NEVER put it down, it was either in his pocket or in his hand. Talked about her a lot - I know her so it didn’t seem odd at the time. While working at home he had a call with her (we all work at same place ) and I could just tell by the way he was with her.

As most of the above: mentionitis and weird with phone. Then started to get snappy with me for no reason. By the time I'd found out everything, he'd checked out long ago.

Mentionitis (poor woman at work who is emotionally abused by her BF)
Trying to think up daft excuses for why I couldn’t come shopping with him in nearby city
Exercise taking hours when he went for a run
Very stressed at work and needed to get in early/ work late.
constantly on phone, started taking it to toilet with him…

Ok in the trail of events that happened in the way they happened that built up my suspicion to yeah, you’re cheating.

Stopped messaging me as much at the weekends when he wasn’t with me which I put down to a new job to begin with then was weird.

Same day - noticed the passenger seat position was changed but denied anyone had been in the car and DCs booster seat out on back seat but DC hadn’t used it and my car sunglasses were in the glove box not the door and pictures of us all he had on the visor weren’t there. Said he had the car cleaned. I was super suspicious then as he had lied saying no one was in it but someone had been in it to get it cleaned.

bought a new phone, mine broke, synced phone numbers on sim to my socials. Found his secret Instagram it had only one follower but account was locked, no message facility as that was blocked too . I knew something was hinkey because he never told me about his Instagram.

then DC got nasty pneumonia, couldn’t get hold of him on his phone. Called his work, work said he quit the week before and wasn’t there. I told them I was his girlfriend and needed to get hold of him somehow as DC was sick.

Work dude ‘Oh you’re his GF who was here a few weeks ago’
Me ‘no, I’ve never visited his workplace, it wasn’t me
Workdude ’shit’

I didn’t know who she was, I didn’t have any proof and he could’ve said it was a vengeful ex colleague shit stirring.

I waited 6mths gathering what I needed together all the while waiting for that account to unlock and it did then I burned his fantasy world down.

Never happened to me but a friend found out that her husband had sent flowers on Valentines Day, but she’d not received any. I forget how, maybe a receipt, or email, or bank statement. She confronted him and he confessed.

A friends DP - was constantly on his phone but being very secretive with it (taking it with him even if he just nipped to go for a wee) and taking more care of his appearance like going to the gym, wearing more aftershave, new boxers and nice clothes.

He also had new tastes in music and TV shows but this may just be a coincidence.

Loads of signs that my dad was cheating on my mum.
Said he would take me for a driving lesson while my mum was out but he wasn't in and Id left my key and had to wait on the doorstep (I didn't live at home.) He came home 5 minutes before my mum saying he'd been on a dog walk but the dog was at the window barking on and off at me the whole time I was waiting. Idiot man.

New clothes- Went round for dinner and he was wearing this ugly roll neck sweater that made him look like a washed up old barnacle. The OW had bought it for him, unbeknownst to us.

Attitude- he was grumpy and awful to be around. Got tattoos and took up a new hobby that was really out of character.

Took his phone where ever he went.

My mum was seriously ill in hospital and he wasn't there but was hid in the car talking on the phone to someone.

Had a picture of the OW (they did the same hobby) with her name and a heart on the 'i', fool.

Did loads of DIY then paid off the mortgage.

He just wasn't my dad anymore.

I could see things weren't right as I didn't live at home but visited often. I snooped around and it want to hard to find stuff as he was pretty careless. Guess he didn't care if we found out.

I did tell my mum. She didn't want to believe it. He left after sorting the mortgage. 42 years of marriage. Crazy.

Years ago when i had suspicions about my ex cheating on me the signs I had were;
Smell of perfume on jumper.
Turning phone off when he got home from work.
Hiding phone.
Left his lunch in fridge and clean shirt hanging up when he was supposed to be at work that day.
Found a box of condoms hidden that were not ours.
Generally because lazy and like a slob around me.
I also found a bank statement and he had bought flowers online.
Dumped him soon after and never looked back, would have had a miserable life if I had stayed with him.

Op.you already know it
your GUT is telling you someth
Your female instincts know what is up.

Steal his phone already. Get proof. Take screenshots

And I bet he told her he wasn't having sex with you anymore and she believed him ! A lot of men who leave for o/w have been back and had sex with their ex behind new woman's back . My friend said it felt like she had one over on the o/w . It only happened once .

Aaah the old mentionitis gets a high rating on here. An amateurs mistake but yeah ex did this
My ex husband took it to the next level and used to say “why can’t you be more x like Wendy”? “Why can’t you be more y like Wendy”. My mum still laughs at her name, thinks lm being sarcastic and she’s really called something else. But that is the badly educated, poorly spoken individuals name
Plus the obvious staying out late, being distant, dismissive of me and speaking to me like l was an idiot etc. It was very predictable

Friend caught him out when there was an emergency at home and she rang his work place and they told her he was on annual leave . The only off thing was that he wasn't hungry when he came home . He had been treating o/w for lunch .

I particularly enjoyed the fact that the 'mentionitis' soon extended to her kid: 'MagicFanny takes Junior to Tae Kwan Do on Mondays, football on Tuesdays, and Street Dance on Thursdays. Why don't our kids do any clubs?'

She probably made all his meals from scratch, as well.

They mock and ridicule you if you ask them.

When you know, you know.

Causing pointless arguments so he could stomp off probably to make calls etc.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4596345-how-did-you-find-out-your-husbandpartner-was-having-an-affair?reply=118962481

I am in there under a different name.
He left his Google account logged in. There it all was, every time he had said he was somewhere but his timeline said something else.

Sadly, I can empathise with this. My definitive proof that my ex was cheating, was when his mother forced him to telephone me (he was supposed to be taking our 4 year old son swimming) and tell me that his girlfriend had given birth to their baby that morning...

The signs were there for a couple of years, in hindsight - although my hackles did raise when our then 2 year old kept mentioning "Daddy's friend" who went swimming with them; when confronted, he said that our son was lying - but that was literally the end of a relationship which had lasted since we were 14 years old (we were 32 when this happened). Suddenly I was a single mother of 2, whilst the girlfriend ended up married to him and had another baby with him (mutual friends say that he's cheating on the OW now, which doesn't surprise me). To be fair, though, the OW knew nothing about him still being with me (as she was giving birth to their baby... he was having sex with me), she believed that he was a single Dad of one small boy (he probably cited that I was crazy, if he stuck to The Script!), and she still has a very good relationship with my now 17 year old son. Because yes; he is MY son now, rather than "ours" - my ex put all his energies into raising the two kids he had with the OW, and essentially neglected my son. My daughter (now 26) hasn't spoken one word to him since that day, and neither have I.

Weirdly, though, my son mentioned the OW (innocently, as I like to think he was oblivious to it all) more than his father did, and I didn't notice any secrecy about his phone, etc. - although I worked FT in a demanding job and was doing all the raising of two kids, so perhaps I was too exhausted to notice...? I will never forgive him for calling my little boy a liar, though. If he is cheating on her, too, I also feel very sorry for the OW.

I just knew. He was different. Started going out more with friends and brought a new top to wear out. He had not brought new clothes himself in about 6 years. Had his phone on him at all times.

Oh yeah, daddies friend!! We had split by then. Daddy is still with her but probably has a new friend now. That’s how he rolls

Some posters have said mentionitis but my friend found the complete opposite.
That someone who he used to bring up or join in conversations about he’d all of a sudden try and change the subject or not speak about her.

It was actually because I saw him talking to this women and casually mentioned I saw him that day to my friend (I didn’t think anything of it) and her suspicions were raised because he hadn’t told her he bumped into this women and when she asked him about him he denied it and then got defensive - this was a friend of both of theirs so no reason to deny bumping in to her.

That’s when she put 2 and 2 together.

Thankfully never my husband but signs with my ex-fiance:

1. I found hair bobbles in the house that definitely weren't mine
2. Secretive with his phone and started going on long walks alone in the evening. I called him a couple of times and the phone was always engaged as he was talking to her.
3. Random trips away to "visit old uni friends" or "see family". I was never invited.

I eventually looked at his phone whilst he was sleeping and it was obvious.

I thought everyone had their phone fingerprint or at least password protected! I wouldn't be able to 'look at his phone' unless I 'borrowed' his finger....

I know my DH's password - and he knows mine! Not that I have ever once checked it.

Friend caught him out when there was an emergency at home and she rang his work place and they told her he was on annual leave.

Happened to me. We went to work together (as I thought), called his work for something, oh, he's got the day off. Who's calling and can I take a message? me - this is his wife.

Long LONG silence. The OW was his secretary and they all knew something was going on.

Mentionitis, very protective of his phone, picked arguments with me over nothing, irritable. A gut instinct.