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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To asked how you discovered OW

322 replies

Onicron · 10/09/2022 15:00

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 12/09/2022 15:23

HoneyRose87 · 12/09/2022 11:25

My DH has recently installed Telegram, now my mind is racing 😳

Telegram is way more popular now. It became more so when whatsapp announced those security changes some time back.

And it is used a lot for bigger groups as it isn't as limited as WA.

So not necessarily something to worry about unless there are other issues too.

Pebbledashery · 12/09/2022 15:46

I was with a total scumbag cocklodging waste of space about 10 years ago. He was just total scum of the earth - I shudder now when I think of him.
Anyhow, how I found out he was cheating on me with OW, I bought and paid for a brand new Iphone for him with itemised billing, one quick log in to pay the bill online showed he had spent a lot of time on the phone and messaging one number in particular.
I asked him about it - he said it was his mate called "Gary" so I called the number and a woman picked up, not Gary!
He didn't even deny it, tried to break up with me there and then.
Well, what happened after that is that I cut off his beloved sky sports and phone bill.
Funnily enough, I explained it to the telephone operators at Sky and O2 .
Sky cut off all of the football channels and said "lets be kind, let's leave him with some cookery channels" :) and O2 said to me "by the time we've finished with him, the only thing the phone will be good for is to prop up a table leg"
Felt very satisfying to cut off everything that I had been paying for him for.
Total waste of f*ing space.
He's subsequently still with OW and has fathered 5 kids by 3 different women.
It's depressing.
I'm kinda glad in a way - I only had a life of depression with him.

Travellingwomble · 12/09/2022 16:03

Pebbledashery · 12/09/2022 15:46

I was with a total scumbag cocklodging waste of space about 10 years ago. He was just total scum of the earth - I shudder now when I think of him.
Anyhow, how I found out he was cheating on me with OW, I bought and paid for a brand new Iphone for him with itemised billing, one quick log in to pay the bill online showed he had spent a lot of time on the phone and messaging one number in particular.
I asked him about it - he said it was his mate called "Gary" so I called the number and a woman picked up, not Gary!
He didn't even deny it, tried to break up with me there and then.
Well, what happened after that is that I cut off his beloved sky sports and phone bill.
Funnily enough, I explained it to the telephone operators at Sky and O2 .
Sky cut off all of the football channels and said "lets be kind, let's leave him with some cookery channels" :) and O2 said to me "by the time we've finished with him, the only thing the phone will be good for is to prop up a table leg"
Felt very satisfying to cut off everything that I had been paying for him for.
Total waste of f*ing space.
He's subsequently still with OW and has fathered 5 kids by 3 different women.
It's depressing.
I'm kinda glad in a way - I only had a life of depression with him.

Good for sky and o2, maybe not what their complaints department was set up for originally, but did a strerling job !!!

Amanteani · 12/09/2022 16:14

He bought new underwear from Marks. He had a job that involved seeing clients in their own homes, sometimes in the evenings. I had access to his work appointments and phoned one of them the day after he'd been to see them the previous evening and said I was making a follow up call to ensure that they were satisfied with the service that the company and the salespeople were providing. They explained that the salesman had been unable to see them and had rearranged. He didn't get home until 5 hrs after he should have been there.

Scoobydoobydo · 12/09/2022 17:40

Taking longer to cum as he had already emptied recently

MoveBitch · 12/09/2022 18:04

Twawmyarse · 12/09/2022 11:30

If I was in this position - at the risk of sounding a bit mad - what I'd do is use a different phone/sim to join up and message him with something like "hi sexy, I've changed numbers - when do you want to meet up then?" Or something - just to see what he answered.

Just an idea.

I w

Hmm1234 · 12/09/2022 18:27

Omg that sounds like teenage me trying to hide my mobile from my mother 😂

BullshitometerCalibrator · 12/09/2022 18:34

Yep to pretty much all of the above, and as well as taking longer to cum due to a recent ball draining session, also producing just a dribble rather than a full load for the same reason. This was followed by the usual gaslighting of having the audacity to question it. I'm well rid as it turns out unbeknownst to me at the time he was married AND had another woman too. I fell for his single man bollocks because he lives in a flat miles away from home Sunday to Thursday because of work, and allegedly went to his mums at weekends to see his son. Turns out he went home to his wife who actually knows about his philandering but stays with him, oh and his mum died about 5 years earlier. Grim narcissist.

namechangeforthisonegg · 12/09/2022 18:39

Scoobydoobydo · 12/09/2022 17:40

Taking longer to cum as he had already emptied recently

Ew

Proteinpudding · 12/09/2022 19:15

Not me, but a friend of mine. Her DH's job was in hospitality, so a lot of evening/weekend work, and staying back after work was not uncommon, whether because it was a busy night and needed longer to clear up, or because the staff were having drinks together etc. He was going through a health crisis that required surgery and was potentially going to leave him with a life limiting disability.

He had to stay in hospital post surgery and one day when visiting she got there earlier than she had expected. There was a young girl visiting who he said was a friend, who quickly made excuses then left. We were all thirties, this girl was young (adult, but late teens or twenties), my friend clocked something wasn't right - why would someone be close enough to her DH to visit him in hospital, yet be someone she didn't know about?

She waited until he was discharged before confronting him, but did some digging while he was stuck in hospital and it turned out he'd been having an affair with one of the students who worked PT at his work. It wasn't hard to find out about it because the affair happened during working hours, so most people there knew him and the girl were an item without realising he was already married! She actually spoke to the girl, who had naively bought the 'loveless marriage' crap he had spun her and had probably been just as shocked as she was about seeing the other at his hospital bed.

She kicked him out and he had to deal with his recovery at his parents. Friend is happily remarried, he's never changed and just seems to be in a constant mid life crisis of chasing younger women, and trying to use his status (manager of a nightclub, offers of free drinks etc) to impress them.

fetchacloth · 12/09/2022 21:19

DreadingWinter · 11/09/2022 20:02

I had the hair dye one. It went bright orange. Hope OW liked it.

😂😂

BoviTraci · 12/09/2022 21:44

A man will tell a woman anything he thinks she will want to hear to get into her panties so no I'm not suprised at some of the accounts on here

QueenBee70 · 12/09/2022 23:13

Working late , taking phone everywhere and being protective over it . Disappearing to friends house all the time (said friend was his friends wife and my friend who he had the affair with ! ) Started being really snappy with me . Moved into the spare room . Turned out he had been messaging her over 100 times a day including photo messages while in the bath and meeting up with her behind my back too as they both worked in the city.

DisneyMillie · 12/09/2022 23:50

In retrospect it was fairly obvious - the OW was doing her best to make it so on Facebook - posting pictures of his favourite tipple, commenting on how she needed a new car when he got one, saying how she was nervous about what to wear when it was the day my DH had invited me and our new baby to the office etc etc but I put it down to a crush on her part. (After all I was pregnant / had a new baby / we were literally planning our upcoming wedding and nothing changed in our relationship or how he was to me).

But when I found out years later lots of hidden memories clicked - he’d be super late back from the school run after my c-section because of “traffic”, he’d suddenly take a shower after work when he never normally did, he constantly moaned about how useless she was at work, one time he even came home smelling of her (and to be fair told me when I said he smelt weird “oh yeah, I stopped on the way home to go down on someone in the car” but obviously in a way that made me feel like I was being crazy.)

Mostly though gut feeling - the second I saw the old messages on our computer I knew who / when it was without being told.

Thelodger · 16/09/2022 10:17

Is this someone writing a novel?

xogossipgirlxo · 16/09/2022 11:04

namedhange · 11/09/2022 22:56

I just downloaded this and my husband is on it as well as a few of my friends husbands. But also randomly some old female colleagues. Do some organisations use it for work?

Not sure about this, but my husband also uses telegram (so do I). He's just a privacy freak, doesn't have gmail account, facebook, doesn't even use google. Whatsapp seems like thing of the past now, or more like "old people app" who don't care about data leak, they have open facebook accounts, old android phones etc.

DisneyMillie · 16/09/2022 12:37

Thelodger · 16/09/2022 10:17

Is this someone writing a novel?

If that’s aimed at my post it’s a bit of a twatty thing to say about my life!

DisneyMillie · 16/09/2022 12:40

Apologies if you just meant the thread in general and the fact the comment was under my post was a coincidence

Thisbastardcomputer · 21/09/2022 08:54

Friend next door, wealthy couple, he was in his sixties started dying his hair and bought new underwear, it was a girl ten years younger than their children.

A friends son, a week before they got married was diagnosed with breast cancer, which eventually went into her bones. She was terminal, but ongoing treatment and she had a very positive attitude.

She checked his phone, he was cheating, she booted him out, massive sympathy for her, as you'd expect.

She died a couple of years later, friend still try's to spin it that her son was wronged. It's the lowest of the low to cheat on a terminally ill woman, if you can't keep your trousers on then, you'll never be faithful to anyone.

MishaBukvic · 21/09/2022 11:26

The suspicion began with secretive behaviour with phone, hiding phone, never leaving phone alone, going to the bathroom with the phone for ages,
Hiding whatsapp and another messaging service in an inconspicuous folder in his phone (so he had Whatsapp and Kik messenger hidden in the 'sports' folder thinking I wouldn't ever look in the sports folder).
Working longer shifts and working overtime (leaving for their night shifts hours early, and coming back hours after their shift ended), but no increase in pay packets. Getting 'called in to work' on their days off.
Hours and hours at the gym (turns out he was actually at OW's house).

Then, one day, on the one time he left his phone unattended, I went on his phone gallery to look for a photo of our children he'd taken, and found his camera roll full of explicit photos. I then found messages which confirmed everything I had suspected.

MishaBukvic · 21/09/2022 11:32

Oh and something else that @DisneyMillie reminded me of - showering straight after work. Never used to do that, but he started to go in the shower immediately after arriving home .

Biddie191 · 23/09/2022 11:48

Going to the shop to buy milk (at the end of the road) and it taking an hour, late home from work, going to his parents house every weekend, but not taking me (he had children from a previous marriage, so the excuse was that he was going to spend the whole weekend with them, as as I had to work Saturday morning sometimes, or as there'd be no spare beds...)

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