To asked how you discovered OW

[Onicron]

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

and told her i would post on her fb page every picture she had sent at a
time of my choosing! She begged and begged me not to cos she didnt want
her grandkids to see them...this was many many years ago

@creamwitheverything

I'm confused, you were pregnant about to get married and a woman with grandchildren was exposing herself to your soon to be or was she worried about her future grandchildren seeing them ?

A grandmother.
Saying that, there are young grandmothers,

My daughters grandmother posted about him on Facebook, the sun shines out of my son kind of post.
This girl comments about him not even seeing, or paying for his daughter.
For a moment I thought, how does she know what he's like? We had only been split up a month or so.
But had lost our virginity together, had been together years. This other daughter of his was conceived when DD would've been 2 months old.
I should have known, disappearing, out for long walks, his phone that was strangely never out of his bag. When he would stay at his mums he never had credit to call me.

It turned out that this other daughter wasn't his only secret child. He also had a son 6 weeks younger than my daughter.

Usual stuff
i was student at uni he was in a nearby city, He worked in a big hospital
Signs
Glued to his phone+++
Urgent calls he had to respond to, in private. Actually v Plausible given demands of his job so that didn’t actually raise my alarm
Actually he was over attentive to me (guilty and over compensating)

I went to his work do at last minute expecting to surprise him there , however he’s delayed . So I’m hanging out with his colleagues drinks, etc and the gossip turns to who's shagged whom. Oh well he’d certainly been up to his nuts with multiple women, and had an OW on the go whom he assured he was single. The OW a was actually his colleague and attending the work do also. She know nothing of me, and she had been told he’d been in a LTR that ended. Anyway it all unravelled as spectacularly. By time he arrived I’d had confirmed from multiple sources inc OW. She was actually an ok woman, and he’d lied to her on an industrial scale too. Cue him arriving to see both his lovers in deep conversation. He was ashen and couldn’t really get a coherent dialogue going. I was obviously distraught and a group of nurses he worked with took me back to their flat. I stayed overnight, they fed me, consoled me, treated me really well and drove me home next day. The Ex and I didn’t live together

He pursued me on/off for a long time
Blamed demands of job etc
He's single and a serial shagger
we work in different specialties but I still hear of him
Feels like a different life a long time ago

How many of these men are still with the Ow?

Many moons ago ExBF. I smelled “her” on his face when we were in bed together. He wondered why he was thrown to the floor and I immediately got dressed and started packing my bags. Fucker was especially turned on when I’d come home that afternoon. Was obviously into the game of getting away with it.

He was a Police officer - on reflection he had never been faithful. I think it’s part of the job. When I finally confirmed it and the proof was inescapable he blamed it on the stresses of the job and said I didn’t understand. I had known something was up for ages - loads of extra long shifts and no extra pay. He couldn’t pick up the kids on his rest days. So one day
he was drunk and forgot to log out of Fabswingers! I got quite the education.

I had been with my previous partner for over half a decade since we were teenagers, lived together, miscarriages, family Christmas's discussion of marriage etc. At the start of the pandemic he became significantly distanced despite me still working and us not spending every single minute together like other couples during it. Looking back now there were major red flags with how he treated me and the dynamic but I didn't spot them. I got a weird feeling in my stomach once homeworking as he didn't work at the time and was always on my computer gaming! I noticed he was obsessed with speaking with certain people to the point he banned me from coming into the gaming room during certain hours and when going to ask him simple things he would be engrossed with the computer often pulling the screen away from my line of vision. I stupidly watched the Mila Kunis movie where she's a mum and catches her husband cheating online and a lightbulb suddenly went off and I went 'oh shit he's cheating' I had genuinely never even suspected it before!! I (embarrassingly) waited until he went for a shower one night and went on the game on the computer, a message from a code named person on his game was them talking about interests their days etc. and at the end they both put 'love you' , I was fuming and sat in the room waiting for him, I asked him directly what the messages were and if he was cheating after him gaslighting me for a few weeks that I was crazy and he wasn't messaging anyone! He tried to claim I hadn't seen what I thought I saw and that I was crazy they were just a friend. When I snooped the next day the messages weren't there, we were stuck together in lock down and I stupidly stayed with him accepting I had somehow gotten confused. We broke up 6 months later after I had enough during his family reunions of them banging on about how 'trump was the next supreme leader' and that 'women shouldn't go to university' when talking about my degree.

My ex is still with OW 7 years later I see them regularly due to coparenting and now I feel sorry for her. She looks anxious and unhappy. He’s terrible to live with, controlling, moody etc she now doesn’t only get her his best side and she created a vacancy. He’s never home.

Not an affair (at least I had no proof of any meet ups) but signed up to a dating website. He had been more distant than usual and on a day where we would have spent it together (we didnt live together at the time despite being married) he was too tired and cancelled which he never did usually . He told me he was having an early night but when I checked he was last on Whatsapp at midnight which raised my suspicions. Next day he was out at work so I went to his house and logged into his laptop as I had his password, there was the links to the dating website he had signed up to and had been on the night before despite wanting the early night. I went home and created a profile and up came my husband who was 'divorced' and 'looking to meet women', I took a screenshot of it and sent it to him and asked him why? This was in May and we have separated it has been incredibly painful as he never had a full blown affair so I sometimes question was it 'enough' of a betrayal for me to leave my marriage over? But the truth is I do not know how far it went or how far it would have gone had I not have discovered it and I will not be made a fool of. He is absolutely gutted and full of remorse.

It was enough of a betrayal. 🍀🌺

It’s enough and good for you being strong and getting rid.

Usual stuff.
Working 'late shifts' at work, playing more football than usual at w/e, bought himself an expensive new leather jacket, wanted more sex. sulky, argumentative etc. One day I came back from work and found 2 unwashed coffee cups in the sink, he told me I'd imagined it !
When I called him out on his behaviour he 'gaslighted' me and made me out to be the unreasonable one.
It all came to a head when he went out in a hurry one night to play football at X, I went to X and also Y & Z and he wasn't there.
I tackled him when he got back and he tried to bluster his way out of it, but I refused to be bamboozled any more. I told him I knew about his affair and he went pale. I will swear to you I have never in all my life seen someone go a faint shade of green before !
It all came out it was a girl from work. They had been taking time off work to go out for they day, colleagues had covered for him. They'd been back to our house for sex when I was at work. He'd taken her to a hotel when he told me he was at a football away game.
He got the divorce papers 2 days later and the divorce came through 5 months after that. He finally married her 6 years later when she got pregnant. 😲

Similar to many of the above :

Super secretive with phone. Put a pass code on it which he had never done before and refused to give me the code. Than it itself was telling. Slept with it under his pillow or put it under the bed in his side. Or even on the floor next to the bed with a pillow in top of it. Very odd when previously it had no pass code and he just to used to leave it laying around.

Her perfume on him when he got home. She wears one of these horrible actor type perfumes all the time, even now I get a bit weird if I smell someone else wearing it if they pass me. He claimed it was not her perfume and the reason he smelled of something was that the cleaner sprays air fresher as everyone leaves the office, so it must be that. 🤔

Just being really nasty to me all the time. Going off it for the most random small things.

Booking work trips away in which she also had to attend for some strange reason. They worked together but she was in an entry position, but suddenly she had to accompany him on conferences etc.

You just know OP. They change, quite a few times I said to him who the hell are you as I don't even know who you have become now. He still denied it though. I found actual proof of various means (emails and hotel invoices) yet he still denied it.

They have an excuse for everything. Some of them are the most ridiculous things you have ever heard.

He had more than one, but he and the last ow are now married.

I often wonder who sleeps the least peacefully as they were both married during their affair. And he had many affairs during our marriage, and so did she.

The DC tell me all sorts that goes on there (they are in their 20s) and things are not as rosy as he likes to make out. Ah well, his bed and all that.....

HI sorry for confusion, She was in her 40s then with grandchildren apparently.

Sorry to hear he was a cheating bastard but I do love a quote lol

Oh my ex is currently cheating on another other woman. His life had continued on a trajectory of lasting about 5 years tops.
With women he meets on depression forums (emotionally vulnerable is his target) He's always already 'stifled' and needs someone who 'just understands' and let's him be his 'true self'. Then they 'change the way he sees the world' then he reverts to his true (cheating) self. At the moment the gf must be particularly struggling as He's even posting pictures of his latest fling (someone he previoudly cheated on when he lived with her) whilst living at the gf's house for free.

His tells are the predictable phone hiding, starting arguments so he 'needs some space' and goes for a walk, sudden new hobbies/ new favourite band a 'friend' shares.

I hadn't cottoned on until he suddenly confessed, saying the affair was over. Then I realised that was why he had had so many evening work meetings and supposed nights out with "mates". He'd also been very edgy and distant.

I would never ever have done that I promise you I wouldn;t dream of it but she didnt know that,.It was a fit of rage and temper and I was hurt,distressed,pregnant and my world had fallen apart, and I wanted to hurt her. I lay the blame as I did back then firmly with him,He knew what he was doing totally and I was hitting out,she was mortified and quite brazen at tthe same time but however badly I treated her he suffered far more! We are going back many many years now and I have grown up alot since then! Maybe if I were to be generous of spirit we all learned something I would hope
I hope he learned a valuable lesson hopefully not to destroy people for his own ego boost and looking back he really was not much of a catch!
2 Julie from Sheffield never to leave yourself open to that and posting nudes of yourself to strangers is never a good idea
3 Me life does go on,you can be happy and you can trust again and happy endings with respectful,loving ,warm humans is so worth the wait and let the losers of the world stay together,not that these two did ,but they are better off and I am better off without people like that in my life!

@J0y @DarceyG Thank you both for the confirmation, I sometimes feel I have made the wrong decision and I am having to be very very strong to not go back. However the trust has gone and I will not waste the next many years of my life looking over my shoulder, I am 45 and would rather get out now than say at 60 I just keep reminding myself the pain will subside at some point. Sympathies to everyone who has gone through similar and worse - it is brutal

Suddenly going for very long poos with mobile in hand them walking in on them at it in a position they claimed not to enjoy with me

Ghostfromtheotherside....
Sorry I don't know how to reply correctly!
My ex married the lady he cheated on me with about 18 months later. I have recently found out through the grapevine that she left him and they are now divorced..both were having affairs

I know!
Talk about OW marking her territory.

iMessages were reflected on his iPad.

So many signs, once I knew. Staying out late eg till 4am like PP said, socialising with friends I'd never previously heard of, secretive with phone. Wanted to sleep in separate beds. Changed the kind of underwear he wore (!). Started wearing moisturiser! Argumentative. Cruel. Blamed me for his frequent absences (to assuage his guilt, I guess).