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Original poster

To asked how you discovered OW

322 replies

Onicron · 10/09/2022 15:00

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

OP posts:
DarceyG · 10/09/2022 21:32

SquirrelFan · 10/09/2022 17:57

I thought everyone had their phone fingerprint or at least password protected! I wouldn't be able to 'look at his phone' unless I 'borrowed' his finger....

Oh that’s easy wait until he’s asleep and then borrow his finger🙂

Pinkyxx · 10/09/2022 21:33

Very secretive about his phone, shifty, argumentative, never at home - gym, work or whatever. I was unpacking his bag from one of his ''work trips'' away from home to do the laundry and found a box of condoms. I'd just found out I was pregnant.. we hadn't used condoms for years. He denied it of course saying I was imaging things because I was pregnant and 'it was making me act crazy''. Later found her very slutty bright red and black lace bra at the bottom of my bed covers. You know the kind of thing a prostitute wears...

They eventually tore their respective families apart having both lied to their spouses for a considerable amount of time.. now married. But yes obviously, I was imagining things...

Stillfunny · 10/09/2022 21:35

Caught him using secret second phone . To text a GAY hustler he had met up with. Asking him how his Xmas was ! Demanded he hand it over , expecting to see porn which I hate. Revealed an long distance affair , a physical one and all the sites , Tinder , Bumble , Grindr. Shocked out of my mind.
I had noticed that he had changed but put it down to middle age crisis of confidence. New clothes which were way too young for him, anti ageing cream ! , avoiding me sexually , indifferent and just not engaging . I was worried about his MH , knew he was depressed . Funny thing is that none of this messing around brought him any joy , he was a miserable bastard.
All these men are so boringly predictable. Cowards all of them . Just leave with some dignity please , don't insult us too. And WTF is up with the OW willing to go with married or committed men? Tramps

DarceyG · 10/09/2022 21:36

WinkleTinkle · 10/09/2022 18:13

I found out this week my ex cheated as the other woman emailed me telling me they had been together 4 years, when i had been in a relationship with him during 2 of those. I lived overseas so made it easy for him to live 2 lives. She thought i was the other woman when in fact she had been.

I second gut instinct. Dont wait to find proof like i did. You just know. I let him tell me i was wrong, was paranoid, that it was all in my head. He didnt want to spend time with me, made excuses, told me his life had changed. Said that a new account on my nexflix was his daughters friends when now i know it was his girlfriends daughter who he was living with while i was overseas. In hindsight i didnt need proof i had all i needed. I should have ended it long ago. Never ignore your gut its never let me down

Same! An ex from years ago was completely spooked out by me. We had a long talk months later and he said it was so weird. You knew I’d slept with someone then the next day you knew who it was and I never told a soul. You know and usually you know who it is. They must think people are stupid. You act a certain way for 5 years then act completely different it’s so obvious. Anyway, he wasn’t a bad guy just stupid he came back begging 6 months later and of course I showed him the door.

TinyKittenPaw · 10/09/2022 21:42

minimadgirl · 10/09/2022 16:15

When someone posted on his Facebook tagging her , congratulating them for their pregnancy.

What?!! That’s awful 😞

itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou · 10/09/2022 21:42

I found out when, at the last minute, I cancelled an overnight stay and decided I was coming home after all (the party I was going to was not too far away, my period arrived that morning and I decided I'd rather come home than stay over)

OH suddenly announced that his night out (also suddenly in a random location - ie not the nearest city) had an overnight stay - really? news to me - how come you never mentioned that before now!? Seemed very suss, I asked him just to come home (as the sketchy new details made me suspicious) he refused, the end.

itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou · 10/09/2022 21:46

DarceyG · 10/09/2022 21:32

Oh that’s easy wait until he’s asleep and then borrow his finger🙂

Show quote history

I think you can just borrow his face on most iPhones! mine is set to something that suggests I'd have to be looking at the screen/camera for it to unlock but I've just tried it and even with eyes closed it unlocks!!! wtf!

itsnotmeitsdefinitelyyou · 10/09/2022 21:52

Pinkyxx · 10/09/2022 21:33

Very secretive about his phone, shifty, argumentative, never at home - gym, work or whatever. I was unpacking his bag from one of his ''work trips'' away from home to do the laundry and found a box of condoms. I'd just found out I was pregnant.. we hadn't used condoms for years. He denied it of course saying I was imaging things because I was pregnant and 'it was making me act crazy''. Later found her very slutty bright red and black lace bra at the bottom of my bed covers. You know the kind of thing a prostitute wears...

They eventually tore their respective families apart having both lied to their spouses for a considerable amount of time.. now married. But yes obviously, I was imagining things...

Wow that's awful, I'm sorry you went through that. The gaslighting!!

She obviously wanted him to get caught, no one goes home accidentally without their bra!

Mine married the OW and divorced shortly after....after she cheated on him - karma 🙌🙌

I'm sure your ex will get his karma too x

SavingsThreads · 10/09/2022 21:53

Mine doesn't unlock unless my eyes are open!

DarceyG · 10/09/2022 22:02

SavingsThreads · 10/09/2022 21:53

Mine doesn't unlock unless my eyes are open!

Haha well you can easily have an affair.

MsAdoraBelleDearheartVonLipwig · 10/09/2022 22:02

Mine unlocks even in the dark, it can obviously pick up enough of my face from the dim screen light.

krazykatzlady · 10/09/2022 22:04

Knew they were having an emotional affair - denied it. Lots of late nights, going out for shared hobby, phone ringing wierdly, talking about her too much.
Random inset day came....he must have forgotten and I walked into the GP and they were both sat there, yes she was PG.
We are now divorced and that kid is now 3.....and he barely sees his kids 🙄 men!

feckoffbrian · 10/09/2022 22:08

I had no clue until a friend told me.

Ticksallboxes · 10/09/2022 22:10

Welshrarebitontoast · 10/09/2022 16:02

For my friend, she booked a hotel for her husband’s birthday. As she gave the details his name/details were already on the system and the receptionist cheerfully informed her there was a room booked for 2 on some random date as well.

When he got home she asked who he was taking to the hotel and he confessed.

Cripes that's awful!

LondonWolf · 10/09/2022 22:11

A piece of paper in his pocket with a phone number on showed me he was taking numbers from randoms - he hadn't taken his mobile out in case he lost it. Another time he just didn't come home from work one night, he said he'd lost track of time and ended up sleeping at his Mum and Dads - they covered for him. Everything was different from that night - he was mean, impatient and never wanted to be home. I find out later that was the night he met the first woman he cheated with. By the end he wasn't even bothering to hide it. He still expected tp stay living in the family home though! He was unhinged.

kneadandpin · 10/09/2022 22:13

Seeing that he was online on WhatsApp/ other social media for ages when he went to the 'bathroom', every job taking 15-30 mins longer than it should because he was on WhatsApp.

Not proud of this but I eventually got his password and logged into his account on a social site and saw messages.

WinkleTinkle · 10/09/2022 22:14

@SavingsThreads I met him 2 years before she did so she started dating him when i was already in a relationship with him. Then i split with him and then got back with him so i then became the OW. Its fucked up

DarceyG · 10/09/2022 22:19

krazykatzlady · 10/09/2022 22:04

Knew they were having an emotional affair - denied it. Lots of late nights, going out for shared hobby, phone ringing wierdly, talking about her too much.
Random inset day came....he must have forgotten and I walked into the GP and they were both sat there, yes she was PG.
We are now divorced and that kid is now 3.....and he barely sees his kids 🙄 men!

Ouch that’s awful.

Ticksallboxes · 10/09/2022 22:24

He just wasn't my dad anymore.

This!

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 10/09/2022 22:31

Suspicious no contact from him when he used to phone or text 20 times a day, one weekend I didn’t hear from him from the Thursday evening (we didn’t live together) Saturday night I was a bit worried. He had given me his bank login details in case of a an emergency. I bit the bullet and logged on, to find a atm withdrawal from a hotel we usually frequented. Obviously it clicked straight away. Went down to the hotel very early morning and just sat in the reception. 2 hours later he comes out of the lift holding hands with another woman. He spotted me straight away, I didn’t say anything just followed them both out and confronted him outside where no one was around.

Whereisthelove2 · 10/09/2022 22:31

Mentioning her all the time, never leaving his phone unattended and started caring more about his appearance.

Jadedbuthappy82 · 10/09/2022 22:39

His ex wife sent me a message and had posted a note through ow's door which gave me a lot of respect for her,she didn't need to do that.

dumpling12 · 10/09/2022 22:43

His mood changed, irritable, emotionally distant at home but then sometimes suddenly elated for seemingly no reason.

he worked late anyway a lot but it got quite extreme. Started going to the gym.

did some digging and found an email on his iPad he’d forgotten to delete.

ErmIDontKnow · 10/09/2022 22:49

My friends husband mainly worked from home. He would go to the office once or twice a week. He would rush all his work and then go and see the OW whilst pretending he was still at the office

RewildingAmbridge · 10/09/2022 22:51

A woman I worked with found out because he had bedbug bites, he went to the GP to check his 'rash' and was told they were bedbug related and to treat the house inform others living there etc. No bedbugs at their (immaculate) house, when the pest man came, neither she nor the DC had any symptoms. Beds were treated just in case. Husband had no reason to stay out overnight, but she had been to visit family with the DC, so he'd had opportunity.
She then heard gossip in the work canteen about a fairly unkempt looking young woman who worked in the kitchens having an infestation of bedbugs -colleagues were complaining about her lack of hygiene and that she was working in the kitchens.
She confronted her husband who was also one of our colleagues, who then confessed.
Grim.