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Original poster

To asked how you discovered OW

322 replies

Onicron · 10/09/2022 15:00

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

OP posts:
Rosewaterblossom · 10/09/2022 22:52

EveningOverRooftops · 10/09/2022 16:42

Ok in the trail of events that happened in the way they happened that built up my suspicion to yeah, you’re cheating.

Stopped messaging me as much at the weekends when he wasn’t with me which I put down to a new job to begin with then was weird.

Same day - noticed the passenger seat position was changed but denied anyone had been in the car and DCs booster seat out on back seat but DC hadn’t used it and my car sunglasses were in the glove box not the door and pictures of us all he had on the visor weren’t there. Said he had the car cleaned. I was super suspicious then as he had lied saying no one was in it but someone had been in it to get it cleaned.

bought a new phone, mine broke, synced phone numbers on sim to my socials. Found his secret Instagram it had only one follower but account was locked, no message facility as that was blocked too . I knew something was hinkey because he never told me about his Instagram.

then DC got nasty pneumonia, couldn’t get hold of him on his phone. Called his work, work said he quit the week before and wasn’t there. I told them I was his girlfriend and needed to get hold of him somehow as DC was sick.

Work dude ‘Oh you’re his GF who was here a few weeks ago’
Me ‘no, I’ve never visited his workplace, it wasn’t me
Workdude ’shit’

I didn’t know who she was, I didn’t have any proof and he could’ve said it was a vengeful ex colleague shit stirring.

I waited 6mths gathering what I needed together all the while waiting for that account to unlock and it did then I burned his fantasy world down.

How did that account unlock? 😱

Twawmyarse · 10/09/2022 22:56

Borgonzola · 10/09/2022 15:11

Early signs included over familiar texts, and him going to the gym suddenly

Unequivocal signs were fake tan on my sheets, used tampons in the bathroom bin

He wasn't very clever

He still denied it!

Bloody hell - that's some brass neck!!

J0y · 10/09/2022 22:59

@Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure did you know her?

optimisticdogmum · 10/09/2022 23:00

I had no idea or even a suspicion till i found his condoms & viagra !

Some cock and bull about why he had them, few days later the other woman got in touch and spilled the beans (guess he told her it was off and she decided to have her two-pennith worth)

Atmywitsend29 · 10/09/2022 23:07

A friend of mine caught her boyfriend cheating via their ring doorbell.

With my ex (who I will preface by saying it was an abusive relationship), I think ignored all the signs. She contacted me and apologised, explained she was seeing him and he'd told her they were done. I didn't believe her. She showed me their texts.
One of them, he'd been with me whilst texting her, asking me how to spell certain words to flirt with her. He tried gaslighting me that I had the wrong end of the stick. She was 16.
Another one, I heard lots of rumours. He denied it.
The final one, I saw her in a local cafe. Obviously pregnant. I rang him and said, "oh, X is pregnant. Is it yours" he hung up on me. I was 2 weeks ahead of her in my pregnancy with his baby.
I knew he was cheating with her before that. I'd popped to the doctor's and forgot to take my phone, couldnt tell him when I was headed back. When I got home she was stood chatting with him on the doorstep. I knew then.

Susiebea · 10/09/2022 23:09

Supposedly working late, but not just an hour or so I'm talking hours.

Outlandish claims about where he was, when he couldn't account for his whereabouts he said he was sitting in a park for 6 hours clearing his head.

Closing pages on his phone when I walked in the room.

He did a runner in the middle of the night when I was sleeping, confessing to an affair. The OW had forced his hand.

She actually turned up to my house the following week with three other people in tow, looking for him as he'd fucked off.

He wasn't the prize the thought he was 🤮

SlobSister · 10/09/2022 23:10

OP not been back? Hi

PlainJaneSuperBrain99 · 10/09/2022 23:11

Demeanour changed towards me and the kids - like we constantly annoyed or disappointed him. I guess he was justifying his actions to himself by pretending we were so intolerable.

Stopped phoning me. Previously would always call me to chat about our days when he was driving home, or just for a few minutes here and there throughout the day. That all stopped.

Suddenly taking up new hobbies with new friends after basically having one hobby and one friend for the preceeding 2 decades. He couldn't use his real friend that he shared an existing hobby with as as an alibi so suddenly started playing a new sport with "tom" and "ian".

PeloFondo · 10/09/2022 23:14

Facebook. Saw a profile pic of them together uploaded 3hrs prior
Except I was the OW, I just didn't know it. With him for 9 months, he's been with her 9 years

Weemummykay · 10/09/2022 23:14

PinkButtercups · 10/09/2022 18:18

He also followed me for a bit afterwards and waited up the road the bloody weirdo.

Also told me he'd jump out of his bedroom window to which I replied 'well that's up to you. It's rather silly as you might break your legs' then I blocked him.

@PinkButtercups I had an ex follow me from my mums to my sisters after I found out he had an instagram I didn’t no he had and had been messaging other women the whole time we had been together. Got defensive when I found out, swore it must have been one of his mates msging using his account. I told him to gtf and he said he was going to take an overdose. All he had in his house was paracetamol so I offered to give him my propranolol as they would do more damage. Needless to say he buggard off after that lol

creamwitheverything · 10/09/2022 23:15

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Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 10/09/2022 23:22

J0y · 10/09/2022 22:59

@Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure did you know her?

Nope... it was someone he met online...

ScamelaAnderson · 10/09/2022 23:24

Things just weren't right. Change of something anything. Going to the gym at night. Just doing different things

GiselleRose · 10/09/2022 23:32

Snatching phone down when I entered a room.
Taking phone into toilet.
Coming in very late from hobby.
Going out for hours on long walks.
Not being nice to me.
A faraway look which was unnerving.

All of which gave me a feeling that something was amiss but I kept dismissing an affair as something he simply wasn’t capable of.

It was only after he made the sudden announcement that he was leaving that I just couldn’t shake the feeling there was OW.

PleaseGoDontGoAgain · 10/09/2022 23:34

She posted on his FB wall that she'd honestly believed she could never trust a man not to treat her like shit again but he had changed that over the last 6 months.

Dickhead had forgotten to set his settings to "Don't let your misses see the bullshit one of numerous sidechicks posts"

SavingsThreads · 10/09/2022 23:40

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Clearly you were hurt but threatening to post naked pictures of her is awful, and thankfully is now a criminal offence.

workiskillingme · 10/09/2022 23:43

What is making you worried?

SarahDippity · 10/09/2022 23:58

DaSilvaP · 10/09/2022 23:51

That’s funny cos dirty laundry gave me a massive clue. One day I was so pleased to get every single piece of laundry washed, ironed and put away (four young kids, three laundry baskets), but that evening there was a shirt and boxers in the basket. He was still in his work suit, so had obviously taken a spare to change into after visiting OW. Penny didn’t drop the first time; but a picture built over time. I felt like a weirdo counting his underpants and would have seemed like a controlling freak if I’d said ‘how come you wore nine pairs last week?’ I’ve never told anyone this IRL.

ADialgaAteMyDog · 11/09/2022 00:09

My brother. He was constantly on his phone, to the point where my dad, who is not at all switched on, suggested he was having an affair 😯

Then an Uber receipt came through for a cab from his place of work to a random location at 3am when he was on a night shift (not a public place). SIL questioned him and he admitted OW had turned up at his workplace, pissed, and demanding a seeing-to. He put her in a cab home on their joint account!

Bananarama21 · 11/09/2022 00:17

Your making excuses for poor behaviour.

Bananarama21 · 11/09/2022 00:20

Sorry wrong thread.

JestersTear · 11/09/2022 01:46

Back before mobile phones this (the very early 90s)

I was engaged and living with him and had been for a while. All of a sudden he starts going out on a Friday night with his best mate. Didn't really think anything of it, but at the time it was out of character. Then he'd be either late home from work, or bang on time, but would change and go out again 'with his best mate'.
I knew the best mate, and he'd pick him up, so initially, no suspicions although I was getting cheesed off that it was happening so often and he wouldn't let me know in advance so that I could make my own plans, it was always the last min.

One day he went to work without his wallet. I only noticed as I walked past the table and fell on the floor, open. Inside was a condom. No need for him to have one in his wallet. Later that same month I found an earring that wasn't mine in the bed, and he'd turned me down for sex a few times too. The saddest thing, other than the actual cheating, was that he'd recently bought himself new underwear, and new aftershave and had even changed from glasses to contacts for evenings when he went out, and odd days here and there. As I watched him getting dressed one evening (we were chatting, all very friendly) I noticed the new stuff and joked. 'If I didn't know better, I'd think you were having an affair!'. I was so naive, it's something that happens to other people, right? Wrong.

Unfortunately, it's now made me highly suspicious and my poor fella now has to deal with that.

Vapeyvapevape · 11/09/2022 02:05

Way before mobile phones , I was sitting at my desk at work and a woman who was in the same drama group as him phoned me and told me he was having an affair with another group member.

Wheresmymoneytree · 11/09/2022 02:20

I was unknowingly to me the OW!

After we were found out I got a really abusive message (I don’t blame her but I genuinely didn’t know). She told me she wasn’t stupid and had known all along because he….
changed messages to no longer show the first few words or who they were from, was secretive about his money (he had paid for romantic nights away for us), had been skipping meals (we ate out 2/3 times a week).