Page 12 | To asked how you discovered OW

Onicron · 2022-09-10T14:00:32+00:00

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

DarceyG · 12/09/2022 06:46

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/09/2022 22:38

The amount of men I hear having conversations on their phone while walking the dog. They're all at it.

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That’s what I thought🙂 In fact I met a guy and he would always ring me when walking the dog.
luckily it didn’t get past texting and calls. Definitely red flags

DarceyG · 12/09/2022 06:50

namedhange · 11/09/2022 22:56

I just downloaded this and my husband is on it as well as a few of my friends husbands. But also randomly some old female colleagues. Do some organisations use it for work?

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I was on it for a while but I wasn’t up to no good. A lot of people joined when YouTube etc started taking things down and sensor everything. I wouldn’t read too much into it.

TheMoonisaBalloon · 12/09/2022 07:26

@Insanelysilver

Did anyone get told they were crazy and paranoid / imagining things ??

Yes, repeatedly.

I was told "If I'd known you were so paranoid I wouldn't have married you"

A friend of mine with 4 children (youngest a new baby) was told " You know those loonies who wander round the grounds at X place? Well if you carry on like this, that's where you'll end up."

Another friend of mine was told that the lipstick marks on his shirts weren't lipstick but pollen off pink flowers.

It seems that this "gaslighting" is straight out of the Cheaters Handbook. 🙄

Travellingwomble · 12/09/2022 07:57

We were 'working through' our issues generated by the ow, when I got a phone call from a friend of ow mark 2. When I confronted him he went completely white and at one point was on his knees crying into a tea cloth. When i informed ow Mark one i dont think she believed me or at least she wanted to believe him not me. Now married to ow Mark one with kids.

starrynight21 · 12/09/2022 08:07

I knew when he forgot my birthday. I waited until the next day , then told him and had a cry about how upset I was. He sheepishly brought me a bunch of flowers during his lunch break.

Then in the afternoon, my "dear friend" came knocking on my door with a cake and a card - happy belated birthday ! It was so damned obvious that he'd told her about his faux pas and that she'd decided to play nice with a cake and card. I knew right then that I was looking at the OW.

coldcoldheartt · 12/09/2022 08:12

millymog11 · 11/09/2022 23:52

OP has not been back to this thread so on that basis I will not add but if she was back and taking this thread seriously I could add my thoughts which she might find useful.

Yes, what's the betting this will be the meat of a crappy DM article?

TightDiamondShoes · 12/09/2022 08:18

Doing my online order and Tesco suggested condoms in the “things you might like to buy again” bit.

I had a mirena and he’d had a vasectomy.

dumpling12 · 12/09/2022 08:34

Some of the things are so obvious on this thread it’s like they wanted to get caught!

workiskillingme · 12/09/2022 09:22

This has journo all over it
Where is the OP btw?

workiskillingme · 12/09/2022 09:23

Travellingwomble · 12/09/2022 07:57

We were 'working through' our issues generated by the ow, when I got a phone call from a friend of ow mark 2. When I confronted him he went completely white and at one point was on his knees crying into a tea cloth. When i informed ow Mark one i dont think she believed me or at least she wanted to believe him not me. Now married to ow Mark one with kids.

Issues generated by your unfaithful husband you mean?

TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 12/09/2022 09:55

workiskillingme · 12/09/2022 09:22

This has journo all over it
Where is the OP btw?

My thoughts precisely.

Maidsmum · 12/09/2022 10:08

Reading these and nodding along. But the denials and the gas lighting (and the rest) can be horrific. The other side, when you leave, is much more peaceful

firstmummy2019 · 12/09/2022 10:43

wasabipeas · 11/09/2022 11:26

Such a cliche… had a gut feeling after a few weeks of phone weirdness, anger, running lots, losing interest in the kids so knew that something was up and opened his post.

Saw a transaction for a florist in another part of town, and phoned the florist and pretended to be a flustered secretary who had lost the original receipt and needed to process my boss’s expenses and please could she help me because I would be in so much trouble if I didn’t do it today

she read out the name, address and message (“you’re so special, we are so lucky we found each other”)
Immediately puked up, then opened Google

Within a few mins, I realised she was a colleague, found her social media accounts where she had posted gushing shite about ‘special dinners with a special someone’ on nights when he had been at ‘work events’, and weirdest of all, she had retweeted an article from the Times defending affairs.

She knew he was married and had kids because she signed the cards that the office sent when our DCs were born, and ExH had photos of the kids all over his office

@wasabipeas sorry this happened to you but amazing detective work.

Travellingwomble · 12/09/2022 10:55

workiskillingme · 12/09/2022 09:23

Issues generated by your unfaithful husband you mean?

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Yes

JasonWaterfalls · 12/09/2022 11:09

Echo a PP re Telegram but also the Signal app, a cheaters paradise.

HoneyRose87 · 12/09/2022 11:25

My DH has recently installed Telegram, now my mind is racing 😳

Twawmyarse · 12/09/2022 11:30

HoneyRose87 · 12/09/2022 11:25

My DH has recently installed Telegram, now my mind is racing 😳

If I was in this position - at the risk of sounding a bit mad - what I'd do is use a different phone/sim to join up and message him with something like "hi sexy, I've changed numbers - when do you want to meet up then?" Or something - just to see what he answered.

Just an idea.

Musti · 12/09/2022 11:50

He became short tempered with me and jealous. I just got a weird feeling so I checked his pockets and found a receipt for lingerie around Xmas. I had bought all his family presents as he couldn’t afford it yet was splashing out on lingerie. Said it was for his ex wife to cheer her up. Forgave him as we had a baby but was on alert. Found a restaurant receipt for a different time to what he said and questioned him. Realised I couldn’t trust him and didn’t want to be in a relationship without trust. After the split a friend told me of something that had happened whilst I was pregnant.

Musti · 12/09/2022 11:52

JasonWaterfalls · 12/09/2022 11:09

Echo a PP re Telegram but also the Signal app, a cheaters paradise.

I have telegram and signal because of some groups I’m in.

FrazzledEm · 12/09/2022 11:58

Extravagant gifts for Christmas, all designer stuff when he'd never bought me anything like that before. Then 7 months later on a family holiday, finding he'd searched "how to permanently delete a photo from an iPhone", which I later found out was because she had sent him a photo of herself during the holiday 🙄Totally clueless after both of those!

Youcunnyfunt · 12/09/2022 12:26

He was just suddenly permanently out. I don't think we had dinner together once - when he wasn't out working or "working" he was in the pub with friends, so was just never alone.

I had a funny feeling for months, while he was avoiding me. He was shit at lying - so barefaced - he still categorically denies it, even though he clearly did cheat (he bought a house with her two months after he moved out). He claims that he didn't actually know her until we split, he just wanted to help with her mortgage! Yeah, pull the other one! Fucking wanker.

About 8 months prior he was very interested in coming along to a meeting with a mortgage broker! He asked lots of questions about whether his debt would affect the application...

Twat

kateandme · 12/09/2022 13:44

TightDiamondShoes · 12/09/2022 08:18

Doing my online order and Tesco suggested condoms in the “things you might like to buy again” bit.

I had a mirena and he’d had a vasectomy.

This is genius

cannockcandy · 12/09/2022 14:29

Not coming home from work when he was supposed to. Keeping his phone with him at all times - this was despite the fact that I paid his bill and it was itemised so I saw all the minutes he spent calling this mysterious number and how many texts he had sent to it. He didn't care that I knew and had ground me down to the point he knew I'd stay.
I wasn't in a position to leave and unfortunately it took much worse action from him before I actually left.
My advice? Leave now! You know the truth. Trust your instincts!
Xx

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 12/09/2022 15:17

Plenty people are on telegram and not having affairs.

While some might use it to cheat, I don’t think the suggestion that if your husband is on telegram is having an affair is particularly helpful.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 12/09/2022 15:22

Twawmyarse · 12/09/2022 11:30

If I was in this position - at the risk of sounding a bit mad - what I'd do is use a different phone/sim to join up and message him with something like "hi sexy, I've changed numbers - when do you want to meet up then?" Or something - just to see what he answered.

Just an idea.

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What a terrible idea.

Of course some people might cheat using telegram, but to suggest that PP gaslights her husband like this is awful when there’s no proof he’s done anything wrong.

While this thread has many anecdotes of people whose dh’s have had affairs, it’s worth bearing in mind that the majority on here haven’t.

My ex used to do things like this. Would gaslight me by telling me I’d been seen somewhere or would send me random messages on social media pretending to be someone else.

It’s emotional abuse and I left him.