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AIBU?

To asked how you discovered OW

322 replies

Onicron · 10/09/2022 15:00

I have my suspicions about DH at the minute, can anybody tell me how they discovered an affair and in hindsight you could see the signs?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

329 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
15%
You are NOT being unreasonable
85%
Norachance · 10/09/2022 15:04

For me the very first sign was a smell of perfume on his shirt. Raised my suspicions but I didn't say anything at that point just kept my eyes open. Then I noticed him going outside to take calls sometimes. One day when he was in the shower a text came through and I knew for sure.

cindylouwhosplaits · 10/09/2022 15:05

My first signs were:

-Taking phone into toilet/shower and keeping it on silent all the time whilst turning off WhatsApp notifications so they didn't ping or show on the front screen.
-Changing passwords on phone/iPad

  • Having to "pop out" places during the evening/weekend and taking forever to get back. For example "Just popping to get some milk from the shop" which is 5 mins up the road and not returning for 45 mins. Excuses were that he'd had to go to another shop as they were out of milk etc
Wordwatcher · 10/09/2022 15:08

Being secretive with mobile phone. Changing computer page as soon as I approached (could see reflection in window in winter/dark rather than hearing).
Coming home later.

JangolinaPitt · 10/09/2022 15:10

Wordwatcher · 10/09/2022 15:08

Being secretive with mobile phone. Changing computer page as soon as I approached (could see reflection in window in winter/dark rather than hearing).
Coming home later.

Mentionitis

BertieQueen · 10/09/2022 15:10

Being secretive with mobile phone, disappearing for drinks with friends at strange times, working ‘extra shifts’.

JangolinaPitt · 10/09/2022 15:10

sorry didn’t mean to quote earlier post

Borgonzola · 10/09/2022 15:11

Early signs included over familiar texts, and him going to the gym suddenly

Unequivocal signs were fake tan on my sheets, used tampons in the bathroom bin

He wasn't very clever

He still denied it!

Iliveonahill · 10/09/2022 15:18

My gut feeling. It just didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t tell why. Then, going for a bike ride on Xmas day morning because he reckoned he needed time out, hiding down the side of the bed to make a mobile call…..reckoned it was hot so cooler to lay on the floor 😂. Then I found the second mobile phone ……

SweetSakura · 10/09/2022 15:18

Mentionitis.

Picking weird arguments (I guess to justify what he was doing)

Minimising tabs on his computer when I came in the room

Final straw was seeing him look at photos of her (a much younger colleague) on FB when he thought I wasn't looking.

I asked for his phone and it fairness he handed it over and the WhatsApp chat was illuminating.

Glad he had no chance to delete it, as he still tried to claim for ages they were just friends and I was misinterpreting things.

Workawayxx · 10/09/2022 15:24

I already "knew" as he was being a total arse and coming in at ridiculous times (think 4 am, well after I knew the local pubs were shut). then someone told me and I confronted him. He denied it so I wanted 100% proof as I knew he'd just deny and gaslight me and tell everyone I wanted out of the marriage and poor him etc. I couldn't get to his phone so I went out to his home office when he was out for the evening, started up his computer and searched for emails from her. there weren't many (obviously not their preferred method of communication) but enough for proof.

MrsU2022 · 10/09/2022 15:34

Borgonzola · 10/09/2022 15:11

Early signs included over familiar texts, and him going to the gym suddenly

Unequivocal signs were fake tan on my sheets, used tampons in the bathroom bin

He wasn't very clever

He still denied it!

USED TAMPONS!!! Oh my lord, that is horrendous beyond words!

Piffle11 · 10/09/2022 15:42

Signs my DSis noticed with my now exBIL:

Never left his phone unattended. Took it into toilet/shower/wherever he went.

Started 'working late' on a regular basis. Occasionally had to stay over as he'd missed last train home ...

More money being taken from account in cash.

Borgonzola · 10/09/2022 15:54

@MrsU2022 they may or may not have been lobbed in the direction of his head

Trytoavoidthebastardbus · 10/09/2022 15:57

Staying out all night after a works do then becoming Facebook friends the next day 🙄

Suspiciousldy · 10/09/2022 15:59

My husband had an emotional affair and there was mentionitis, a couple of photos of her on his phone, there were times he seemed later home than normal too, he denied anything physical and I have no proof it was anything more than emotional.

Welshrarebitontoast · 10/09/2022 16:02

For my friend, she booked a hotel for her husband’s birthday. As she gave the details his name/details were already on the system and the receptionist cheerfully informed her there was a room booked for 2 on some random date as well.

When he got home she asked who he was taking to the hotel and he confessed.

ZombeaArthur · 10/09/2022 16:04

Same as many others, secretive with his phone, it never left his side and was on silent all the time. One time it started ringing when he was in the shower and, at first, I couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from. I eventually realised it was coming from his sock drawer and when I opened it the phone was tucked away right at the very back. He suddenly rushed from the bathroom absolutely dripping wet and grabbed it from me. I wish I could say I ended things then but sadly I stayed. For a very long time 🙁

VladmirsPoutine · 10/09/2022 16:05

Less communicative, more irritable. Generally not himself. I knew something was afoot but it all came out in the wash when I read the WhatsApp messages. When I quoted some of the messages back to him he changed colour - he honestly looked like he was about to vomit Grin

Nonews · 10/09/2022 16:08

Tilting phone screen to try to hide what was on it from me as I walked past in the house.

So obvious.

HappinesDependsOnYou · 10/09/2022 16:09

Felt more alone then ever as he seemed to constantly be off late, a sudden keen interest in running again and rushing straight to the shower after, keeping his phone attached to him, being on WhatsApp a lot in the bathroom (it shows as online), less eye contact, gave the most thoughtful gifts to me and wrote me a valentines card for the first time in about a decade. Seeing the words "sorry I'm such a twat sometimes" was the catalyst for me calling him out on it

Loocheeyar · 10/09/2022 16:11

Mentionitis also
called him out on it and he actually turned grey in front of my eyes . Told him “I know “

he said “how ?”
never gone further than that into it but I’ve left him because he was an arse

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 10/09/2022 16:11

Using aftershave
Foundation on his shirt collar
Different moves during sex
And what I can only describe as a change in the air at home. I didn't think I had a marital radar but I KNEW something was off.

Ahf22 · 10/09/2022 16:14

Yep to them behaving differently during sex, can’t explain it well just a weird feeling

buying more gifts from being away more often

minimadgirl · 10/09/2022 16:15

When someone posted on his Facebook tagging her , congratulating them for their pregnancy.

Facecream · 10/09/2022 16:20

@minimadgirl 🤯🤯😵😧
Fucking hell

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