Work full time with teens?

[HappyKoala56]

AIBU to consider a full time job with a teen and pre-teen (13 and 11)? How do other ft working parents manage with kids of these sort of ages? They are ok to stay home on their own for short times and neither are anxious with this, but it would mean 2 hours on their own after school until I get home which feels like a lot. And then what do I do in school holidays? It's a long time to be by themselves, but they don't appreciate all day clubs. I feel stuck in this middle ground of they are too old for childcare but too young for prolonged periods on their own. What does everyone do?
For context I don't HAVE to work ft, hence why I'm not sure if iabu. I have my own business and work part time currently, but I have put all career progression on hold for the past 14 years to be around for the kids and I'm eager to get back on working on myself. Do I leave it another year or 2?
YABU - stay home longer
YANBU - go get that job!

YANBU. Absolutely go for it and good luck! 👍

Really?

poster82 I don't understand how you don't find your teenage children being ill equally stressful, my DS had some kind of allergic reaction last year in front of me his lips were huge

his breathing was laboured, it was pretty stressful. Equally, knowing they are not tucked up in bed but walking back from a house party at 10.30 is stressful, especially when you insisted on collecting them but they walked home anyway!

I couldn't afford not to work FT. I just had to make it work. My mum stepped in over the holidays and whilst they weren't delighted it was just tough luck.

It totally depends on your personal situation.

Can that input not happen between 5pm and 10pm? Genuine question, not trying to be snarky

@EarringsandLipstick Take food. I spend about €250 (£220 Sterling) a week on groceries. When they were 5, 3 & 1 I spent about €100 (£88 Sterling). That's an increase of c€650 month on food alone.

Surely part of that is because of the cost of food going up in general though?

I read the whole thread waiting for the explanation of how teens are harder than toddlers. Still waiting.

Well this is it for me too - of course teens still need emotional support! But it’s not the same as toddlers, they don’t literally need someone supervising them 24/7. Time can be made for them after work.

I now work full time and left my dd14 home alone for 4 weeks over the summer. She was fine, and she's quite an anxious girl. I know someone with a dc the same age who arranges grandparent care and when I told my dd she rolled her eyes in horror (despite loving her nana!) and said no way would she have wanted someone to come to 'Look after' her.

This thread is mind boggling.

People telling OP to wait another 5 years, until her youngest child is 16, before going FT??

I have worked FT throughout my children's lives except for 2 maternity leaves. I can't really get my head around the advice being given here.

The kids will rather see you gone at that age
So id take the job for sure haha

@theveg some mums prefer to work part time and see their kids grow up vs being at work all the time. Surely you can comprehend that

Obviously I know some mums prefer to be at home or PT. I have many friends who have worked PT or been SAHMs when their children are small. But until they are 16? seems extreme to me and I don't know many (any?) who have done that.

i think a lot of parents on here who can’t seem to fathom why teenagers might need their parents around just haven’t got teens! It’s like any stage of parenting, it’s difficult to fully understand the challenges until you’ve been there.
Teens might be physically independent, but emotionally they most certainly are not. They are also very susceptible to peer pressure and bullying. They are naturally risk takers (they are totally invincible at that age!) and that can lead them into danger. They make impulsive decisions. And they can be very secretive. It’s easy to think they don’t “need” you so much. Personally I think you can’t take your eye off the ball with them at this age. I have 3 kids, one in his 30s, one in his 20s and a 13 year old. So I’ve been through every stage!

OK I will give this a go;
I have 2 aged 18 &15, I am going back about 18 months.

DS 16yo (M)cannot drive, so needs lifts to football 2X a week (this is obviously a good thing and to be encouraged, some matches are 1.5 hrs away on a Sunday morning so basically one parent " out for up 6 hours sometimes starting as early as 7:30am)he needs support with GCSE work, screen regulation, I am worried about exposure to porn but have difficultly finding the words. His room stinks and he generates mounds of laundry which he certainly needs help with. We have to help him find suitable D of E experience and equip him for the expedition (as well as endless sports kit). On a Saturday night I feel I can't go out if he is out in case of emergency calls, but don't want to go out if he is in in case he is lonely. He was and is a hard working academic, sporty young man. Oh and he needs mountains of food (which y'know should really be healthy)

Dd (14yo) keep finding vapes in her room/ in her bag, worried she is in with the wrong crowd. Seems unhappy, lots of time alone in her room, less interested in her hobbies, friendship issues. Tells me she had sex at a party. No feedback from school at all which then kept closing because of COVID. Regular pick ups of drunk teenagers, worries about drug use.

Now remind me what is so tough about putting an 18m to bed ?

Yes working full-time definitely equates to not seeing your kids at all. 🙄

When my daughter starts secondary school she'll leave the house well before 8 and get home well after 4. I plan to work 8-4 instead of 9-5. What am I going to miss while she's at school?

Some mums have no choice but to work full time.

But vaping, porn, sex and not doing their homework isn't stuff that specifically requires your presence precisely between 4pm and 5pm is it?

Responding to the "how are teenagers harder ?" post. As quoted after school is quite a critical time, if you leave them to it and come in at 6, you may have missed the boat, especially with the 11yo.

But aren't the generally out of the house from about 8/8.30 to 4/4.30 (depending on how close the school is) so you could work full time and still be home for the large majority of the time they're there?

I work ft BTW, but deliberately took a local job and worked 8-4 so that I could never there between 4 and 7.

Missed what vital boat?

SynchOrSwim, do you not experience any challenges with your teenagers then?

There is one glaringly obvious cost difference is that toddlerhood and corresponding costs 'if' in nursery lasts only 2/3 years depending on how long you take maternity leave for, the teenage years and corresponding cost is 7 years!

😆@ food bill being higher due to food price inflation - if your teenager sits around loads so doesn't require the energy or I suppose if they are needing to watch their weight then I could see this being the exception and not costing you much but both mine can eat what they want and remain skinny, we live in a city where DS annd friends walk everywhere, he has done 30,000 steps a day a few times over the summer!

Toddlers can be testing but you can distract them and their needs and frustrations are usually simple - food or tiredness. Books like, 'how to talk' work on young children, teenagers are pretty savvy and cynical about 'parental techniques' just calling you out on it. Plus, toddlerhood lasts 2 years, hardly comparable!

You have to be in an incredibly privileged position financially to be able to have one parent at home or working part-time for eighteen plus years, though.

"Leaving them to it and coming in at six" is something most parents have no choice over. It's just reality when there are bills to pay.