Work full time with teens?

[HappyKoala56]

AIBU to consider a full time job with a teen and pre-teen (13 and 11)? How do other ft working parents manage with kids of these sort of ages? They are ok to stay home on their own for short times and neither are anxious with this, but it would mean 2 hours on their own after school until I get home which feels like a lot. And then what do I do in school holidays? It's a long time to be by themselves, but they don't appreciate all day clubs. I feel stuck in this middle ground of they are too old for childcare but too young for prolonged periods on their own. What does everyone do?
For context I don't HAVE to work ft, hence why I'm not sure if iabu. I have my own business and work part time currently, but I have put all career progression on hold for the past 14 years to be around for the kids and I'm eager to get back on working on myself. Do I leave it another year or 2?
YABU - stay home longer
YANBU - go get that job!

We both work FT here, however due to DH working location and patterns our house runs we just me 99%.

DS is 13 and since starting Y7 leaves the house after me (by 30 min) and comes home before me (by 2 hours)

We don't have a choice however nothing changes even if I happen to have an early finish.

He makes his own breakfast, gets dressed and leaves house independently and when he returns makes a snack if hungry, has a drink, changes clothes and does some homework/relaxes in front of TV.

In the holidays he spends some days alone (I am TT only but sometimes need to swap a few days around depending on need at work)

Working full time with teenagers isn't any easier than working full time when they are smaller. I mistakenly moved my term time hours to full time when my youngest started Y7 and regretted it.

I appreciate everyone's life is different and we all have different experiences and situations, but still, HOW can this be true?

If you can afford to be PT and want to be home for them then do that but 2 hours is nothing and in school holidays couldn't you just take some time off during the week like everyone else does that works FT?

I have young children (primary and preschool) so work PT atm due to extortionate nursery fees but I’m hoping to up my hours in a few years when they’re older because I thought they needed you less then but now all these comments on here saying they found they need u more as teenagers…..can someone
enlighten me as to why? What have I got coming?? 😬

Thing is you don't really know what they're going to be like when they're 15 or 16 and have long holidays to occupy themselves or what their peer group will be like and whether they will get up to no good or spend long hours gaming in isolation. Neither of which is great recipe for mental health.
I've resisted increasing my hours but it's more about the holidays than the after school slot.

Thanks everyone for the input. Some great points put forward. My kids don't tend to actually spend time with me straight from school - both seem to want to decompress and chat with friends so tend to do their own thing, however we do spend time together after dinner alot. I think they would be fine, it's just not something I went through as a kid to be home all day without my parents so wasn't sure if it was do-able at these ages (my mum started at 5am until 12pm so home by lunch, and my dad would work shifts so be around at various times of the day). Thanks again for the advice and support

Are you a full time single parent? By which I mean do the children have a father (whether in the same house or a decent one with whom you co-parent)?

If your children's father is alive and not a dead beat then its high time he stepped up to do 50% of the "being vaguely around if needed" and especially being available to talk to.

When people say teens"need you more than toddlers" its actually nonsense in most ways. However their emotional needs are more intense (though usually not daily!) and their crises are. In terms of hours though its absolute nonsense to say teens need you more than toddlers. Toddlers need someone hands on every waking moment and on call while they sleep- teens need just an hour or two of hands on parenting (hugs and driving mostly) and an hour or so of advice (which actually works better remotely/ indirectly by phone or messenger with many teens) and a parent "on call" just in case 24/7 - but that doesn't have to be in the same room or even house!

That said 11 isn't quite a teen - for most kids the above applies from about 14.

I have three teens and work shifts including nights - DH (their dad) works full time too but 80% home office.

I actually think this is accidentally a near perfect way to parent teens as we have a cooking and cleaning rota and everything and they have to get on and muck in because I'm physically not at home but remotely in contact via everything including meals on Google calendar, a shopping list app every family member has, and the family WhatsApp group... 😂

I work FT with a 9 year old. However I am hybrid working so I can WFH in the holidays. Can be tough she goes out to play and in about 2022220 times for something 😂 I finish at 3pm 2 days and 6pm the other 3 days it works perfect for us. She stays with her dad 2 nights I finish at 6 so it's super handy. Xxx

I agree that teens still need lots of time but it's compatible with working full time, me and all my friends with teens do. I think it gives a nice balance for them of some alone time they can manage themselves along with time together.

When mine were this age, I could leave them on their own for an hour or two before I got home with strict instructions not to do anything involving the cooker, and not to let anyone in. The holiday camps go up to 14 in our area (Camp Beaumont, Active Camps etc) so we had them booked in for 2-3 weeks each summer, and they always had my and DHs phone numbers in case needed.

Apart from one incident where they locked themselves out and had to wait for me at a neighbour's for an hour or so, they were fine.

A friend works full time and she had a childminder for the after school and holidays. But at age 12 that was all stopped snd the girl was on her own and just occupied herself.

Seems fine, all the parents I know work full time even with toddlers. I’d plan to do the same!

My parents worked full time with teens. We were independent from 11. Key under mat, cooked own tea etc. No clubs or family to go to.

No I'm not a single parent, I am happily married to their father. Just the way things have worked that he is the breadwinner so I've always made sure I've been around for the children and adjusted my work around them. That said he is around for them, regularly has time 1 on 1 with them etc. He often cooks (helps that he is a chef) and does pitch in with other chores.

It's tough, I work 4 days a week although more recently thankfully usually at home which makes it easier. Teenagers can can a lot of emotional support and yes then there's the holidays.
I think if you can wfh or have relatives or friends nearby available for emergencies and live in a town or have access to public transport then its doable.
But if you dont have either of the above then its difficult.

People always say this on mumsnet but it just isn’t true. Of course a teenager doesn’t need parental supervision ‘more than a toddler.’ By their teens they should be capable of looking after themselves for short periods. Toddlers are of course not capable of this.

They might need emotional support but they can be provided after work hours.

I agree regarding 'teens need you more than toddlers' - I've two teens now & 1 pre-teen & I'm mentally & physically more exhausted than when they were little (and I've been a single p parent since when they were small!)

Their emotional needs are more intense, but also they are busy - mine play sports & we have commitments 7 days a week. Some of them they can get themselves to, but apart from lifts, I want to be there to support them & be part of it.

However, as others have said, they don't need the obvious physical care of small children, and if you want to work full time then you should. There would be a lot of time when they're not around & don't need you!

I've always worked full time, more or less, partially as I must, but also because I want to.

I suppose it's a personal decision but I can't see the problem with being alone for a few hours, or even long days in the summer. Mine had jobs to do, met friends, went on outings. I was completely fine with that.

What does cause me stress is the mess & scale of eating that goes on on the days I'm in the office & they're in the house alone! They are meant to tidy up but it doesn't work all that well. I dread coming in to it.

They might need emotional support but they can be provided after work hours.

It can & for me working full-time, it must be. I wouldn't choose to work p/t for this reason but I do find I'm exhausted from their needs in a way I wasn't when 3 small DC were asleep by 730!

Yes of course it’s tiring - being a parent always is 😂 but it’s just the whole ‘oh they need you more than toddlers.’ Of course they don’t! And if working full time is what the family needs then it can be done easily when the kids are teenagers.

I finally started working full time again last year (DC were 17 and 14). Honestly I wouldn't have wanted to do FT during the holidays when they were younger as they would have just sat around on screens all the time. This summer they were both working and hanging out with friends. Depends on your financial sitation though.

i returned to work after youngest of
three was at primary and juggled a mix of early starts so dh could do drop off and I could pick uo
after after school club

i had a high pay high demand job before children and moved into the charitable high demand low
pay sector after children…my choice

dh has always had more earning
potential than me and works a lot of hours

i decided 6 months ago to stop.. years of shuttling kids around/exhaustion and it hit me that the grind of family life was not what I actually wanted…i
really enjoy my kids and I need the last few years of them being teenagers to be present and available…my life isn’t on hold or I don’t have a life I just want to be the best that I am and actually enjoy the last few years with them before they leave home I want to be emotionally available through exam stress and e couraging and actually have the energy to notice when things are off

however this economic crisis has hit hard as my salary paid for our food and utilities

It's like when people on MN say teenagers are more expensive than pre schoolers, which simply isn't true unless you've got genuinely free childcare like a grandparent, whilst teenagers are expensive, much of it is discretionary unlike the absolute need to ensure your toddler has 24/7 care. Anyone claiming teen years are a harder responsibility to juggle with work are perhaps forgetting that crippling stress of when your child was sick, or when you both needed to go out of town and couldn't physically be there for pick up. Teens are a different ball game, yes it's still hard work; they still need you, they need a lot of shuttling around, but it is not the same as the all consuming dependency young children have on you- if you have an emergency or a curve ball, which for me is what makes younger kids stressful when working, you can get a teen to wait outside, or give them a key or they can get a taxi. The day my eldest could start walking to and from school without relying on me was life changing, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest!

It's either that or we live on the streets.

I find the main problem with teens if that the always want to have long heart to hearts just as I'm trying to go to bed, hence I end up not getting enough sleep.

In that respect they are quite like toddlers :)

I did 32 hrs over 4 days at that age no issues
Took my holidays in school hols as well so they wasn't always home alone
They went out with mates etc
But everyone is different and its what suits you and your family

And if working full time is what the family needs then it can be done easily when the kids are teenagers.

Well that's actually exactly what I said Kanaloa!

I do work full-time, always have

I also definitely find it more tiring now, than when they were small

Yes it was busy & tiring then too, but they largely went to one place, or two - school plus minder / creche. They didn't have multiple locations, needs & activities, which required me.

As I said, all that being said, I wouldn't still advocate working p/t, and I don't myself.

I guess if kids don't do lots of activities it's easier but we are out 7 days a week. Every week day evening has training, often different children in different locations.