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AIBU?

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set

208 replies

Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 08:56

Just that really. It’s non uniform day in school and she wanted to wear a crop top and those godawful see through leggings.

Shes worn mini skirts , ripped jeans etc into no uniform days before so i am not madly strict on clothes . The school is not overly strict but are quite hot on wearing the correct uniform, but these sets are just dreadful, and around our way worn by a certain group of teens which I don’t really want my DD hanging out with.

She went nuts , DH went nuts

Were we unreasonable

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1155 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
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You are NOT being unreasonable
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Taillighttoobright · 10/09/2022 18:18

This is a tricky one. On the one hand, the problem with ogling men is the ogling men. Rapists rape, not the provocative clothes, etc etc.
On the other hand, we know there are psychopathic Incel types out there, or mentally unwell people who will misjudge a situation, who are turned on by lots of flesh on show or who will want to punish the girl for all they represent.
It's a balancing act of not victim blaming whilst equipping potential victims with the understanding that not everybody out there sees tight leggings - they visualise what's underneath; they don't see Nike Pro shorts - they see the outline of arguably the most sexual area a woman has. And if they're mentally unwell, then the potential victim has a situation to deal with.
Telling mentally unwell men that they shouldn't sexualise women is like whispering into the wind. We have to equip our girls with this understanding.

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pmama · 10/09/2022 18:19

It is literally underwear - not for school and cannot understand anybody who says it is ok. A school is still a school, even on mufti days, not a beach or a gym.
Style starts at another level... It is see through as fabric is saved (manufactured cheaper), advertised as creates best margin, buying it "just because" is foolish...

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EatAllDay · 10/09/2022 18:29

There’s war going on right now in this house on the same topic. DD is 12. She wants to wear those Penneys sets and today bought a tight top in Bershka with low underarms so you can see a tiny bit of side boob. Dh is going to crack!! We’re going on a sun holiday this week so I guess it’ll be ok there but dh wants her to at least wear a bikini top under or a top over this new top.

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XelaM · 10/09/2022 18:42

LampLighter414 · 10/09/2022 09:02

Seems to be two styles round here

i) The ones who love crop tops with NIKE PRO shorts or leggings. Far too much on display. Some look as young as 11/12

ii) The ones who look like they went to a charity shop in the 1990s to get their outfit

Seems the first group are more likely to smoke, be up to no good, chatting to older looking lads in typical ‘road men’ outfits or sat in souped up Corsas etc

YANBU OP

My daughter is 12 and wears crop tops and ike pros, as do all her friends. That's the current fashion and it's important for teenagers to fit in. She spends her life outside of school on the livery yard and certainly doesn't chat up older men or cause trouble! What a horrible post. Have you never been a teenager who wore the latest fashion?

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XelaM · 10/09/2022 18:42

Nike pros*

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DuchessofAnkh77 · 10/09/2022 18:51

arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 11:50

Also those sets are absolutely NOT see through.

I'm thinking she means "showing every crease and crevice"

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celticprincess · 10/09/2022 19:00

I’m that parent who only wear leggings as if they were tights!! Never with shirt tops. When my DDs wear then it’s always with a long t shirt. I don’t find crop tops and leggings appropriate at any time to be honest. Skinny kids can get away with them more than curvy kids (I’ve one of each) but unless it’s for a gymnastics lesson then it’s a big no in my house. Those certain types of teams wear them round here too but they are often mostly Nike Pro sets as well and not primark. My teen would wear a sports bra, baggy T-shirt and leggings for sports! We don’t do branded as I associate with those teens too.

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Ryanandryan · 10/09/2022 19:10

THEY ARE HORRIBLE.

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
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Ryanandryan · 10/09/2022 19:11

Nobody should be wearing this outside, but I see a lot of young girls in them 🤮

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BellePeppa · 10/09/2022 19:15

I’m glad I don’t have daughters, I’ve never had to worry about what my two wore, it seems like a minefield (or battlefield) with girls 😬

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BCBird · 10/09/2022 19:17

I think see through leggings are a no no. I personally would have not bought her these or allowed her to buy them. If she wants to wear leggings then decent quality ones are a must.
Even if it is MUFTI day there should be some boundaries. I work in a school and guidance letters are sent out.

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stacyvaron · 10/09/2022 19:18

She does not need to be dressing like a hoochie at school. Clothing sends a message, and that's not the one you want her sending. Of course she's going to be angry and dramatic about it, but that's be way of thing at 14. You set the boundaries, she pushes against them ;)

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soraya · 10/09/2022 19:25

My daughter, when i wasn't present, bought a tiny denim mini skirt. Cut the labels off quickly and declared 'i can't take it back now'. I told her it was beach wear and not suitable for school.
A mother of an older girl suggested this - you leave it at the bottom of the washing basket and they very quickly forget about it.
It worked.

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MorganKitten · 10/09/2022 19:36

Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 09:18

Yes they don’t allow tight leggings for sports (which is ridiculous imo)

The idea that it’s worn by certain teenagers is a big factor in this

Certain teenagers? Please explain.

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marktayloruk · 10/09/2022 21:22

I don't believe in uniforms or dress codes. Let her wear what she wants.

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XelaM · 10/09/2022 21:45

soraya · 10/09/2022 19:25

My daughter, when i wasn't present, bought a tiny denim mini skirt. Cut the labels off quickly and declared 'i can't take it back now'. I told her it was beach wear and not suitable for school.
A mother of an older girl suggested this - you leave it at the bottom of the washing basket and they very quickly forget about it.
It worked.

How ridiculous. Young girls are allowed to wear mini skirts. Nothing wrong with that.

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SudocremOnEverything · 10/09/2022 22:01

XelaM · 10/09/2022 21:45

How ridiculous. Young girls are allowed to wear mini skirts. Nothing wrong with that.

They’re probably not allowed to wear them to school though. Not in most of the schools in England these days. Even on non uniform days.

Outside of school though… I can’t imagine getting upset at a teenage girl in a shirt skirt.

I mean, I don’t actually care about school skirt length either. But schools seem to be obsessed with it. There’s little you can do as a parent to fight that crap. Especially not when there are so many people who seem to think wearing a polyester blazer and a knee length skirt actually matter in any way.

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LemonDrop22 · 10/09/2022 22:04

Those leggings and cycling shorts are a tough one in terms of appropriateness/cringe factor; recently I was waiting opposite a girl/young woman at a traffic crossing and without even meaning to, my eye was drawn down to her crotch in the cycling shorts where, no joke, the line in the middle of her vulva was visible. I immediately averted my eyes but it was cringe and I just thought about how much gawping males must be doing and could hdtf not notice it.

I remember my Mum asking my sister not to wear cycling shorts back.in the 90s because of obvious "camel.toe" then too.

It's not about oppressing any particular sex; if men were wearing something that outlined their genitals (outside of limited sports settings like swimming or cycling) people would be equally cringing.

It's just a human thing to not be comfortable seeing people's genitals (and buttocks to some extent I suppose) so clearly delineated in settings where it's not "necessary" like the beach, pool etc.

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LemonDrop22 · 10/09/2022 22:06

*could she not notice it.

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Dramachameleon · 10/09/2022 22:17

MorganKitten · 10/09/2022 19:36

Certain teenagers? Please explain.

Thanks but no. You probably have a fair idea of what I meant

OP posts:
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EddieHowesBlackandWhiteArmy · 10/09/2022 22:39

I genuinely feel like I’ve stepped into the twilight zone on this thread.

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celticprincess · 10/09/2022 23:56

I have no issue with mini skirts. I love a mini skirt. My DD loves a denim mini skirt with decent tights or leggings. Unfortunately we haven’t been gifted with legs that look great bare. Milk white verging on blue showing stretch marks, veins and stubble that grows back a few hours after shaving!! . I always get complimented on my legs when wearing a skirt with tights but comments made if I’m wearing shorts in the summer often centre around how pale I am - I’ve never had a real or fake tan and I’m mid 40s.

The main issue I have with those leggings sets and crop tops is that they look like underwear or at the most they look like gym wear. They show off every bump and lump and leave nothing to the imagination. For some people they cover up nothing and they might as well be walking around completely naked. For me it’s nothing to do with being provocative towards men, or the blame ciliate around sexual assault that puts the onus on the woman for dressing inappropriately. I just saw a couple of teams wearing the pale pink sets at the mall last week and from a distance they looked naked.

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stacyvaron · 10/09/2022 23:58

XelaM · 10/09/2022 21:45

How ridiculous. Young girls are allowed to wear mini skirts. Nothing wrong with that.

She isn't ridiculous, this is her 14 year old and she has concerns. If you don't care how your daughter presents herself, well...

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XelaM · 11/09/2022 00:39

stacyvaron · 10/09/2022 23:58

She isn't ridiculous, this is her 14 year old and she has concerns. If you don't care how your daughter presents herself, well...

I care, but not to allow her 14-year-old to wear a denim mini skirt is ridiculous. Why not?! Presumably she's not wearing it to school. They're only young once. Soon enough they wouldn't be able to pull off a denim mini skirt (at least I definitely can't 🙈). I let my kid enjoy her clothes whilst she looks great in everything. I wish I could pull off mini skirts and Nike Pros 😂I would totally wear them everywhere!

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XelaM · 11/09/2022 00:44

celticprincess · 10/09/2022 23:56

I have no issue with mini skirts. I love a mini skirt. My DD loves a denim mini skirt with decent tights or leggings. Unfortunately we haven’t been gifted with legs that look great bare. Milk white verging on blue showing stretch marks, veins and stubble that grows back a few hours after shaving!! . I always get complimented on my legs when wearing a skirt with tights but comments made if I’m wearing shorts in the summer often centre around how pale I am - I’ve never had a real or fake tan and I’m mid 40s.

The main issue I have with those leggings sets and crop tops is that they look like underwear or at the most they look like gym wear. They show off every bump and lump and leave nothing to the imagination. For some people they cover up nothing and they might as well be walking around completely naked. For me it’s nothing to do with being provocative towards men, or the blame ciliate around sexual assault that puts the onus on the woman for dressing inappropriately. I just saw a couple of teams wearing the pale pink sets at the mall last week and from a distance they looked naked.

I'm so with you on the legs! I absolutely have to wear tights with skirts, although unlike you I don't think I have ever been complimented on mine 🤣

To be honest I don't think I have seen the see-through Primark sets on real people so I can't really comment on them - just on Nike Pro shorts and denim mini skirts.

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