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AIBU?

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set

208 replies

Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 08:56

Just that really. It’s non uniform day in school and she wanted to wear a crop top and those godawful see through leggings.

Shes worn mini skirts , ripped jeans etc into no uniform days before so i am not madly strict on clothes . The school is not overly strict but are quite hot on wearing the correct uniform, but these sets are just dreadful, and around our way worn by a certain group of teens which I don’t really want my DD hanging out with.

She went nuts , DH went nuts

Were we unreasonable

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1155 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
10%
You are NOT being unreasonable
90%
Kellie45 · 09/09/2022 17:16

SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 17:00

People don’t assault them because of what they wear. 🙄

Very naive statement

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Teddeh · 09/09/2022 17:27

I'm in the US, so the exact styles our Primark offers may be different. But Seamless Sets are marketed as workout wear, lounge wear, or a base layer for under a dress or a blazer or long top (see pic). I can completely understand how your daughter owns them (they're also VERY cheap, something like £3.50 a set, so she might have bought them with her allowance) and wears them at times. They're definitely not school wear as a full set on their own, although public (state) schools don't have uniforms here. All the tops I've seen in this range are unfortunately cropped (although some are still quite long, just baring a sliver of stomach and the waist of the bottoms) so not appropriate for school unless there's something over them.

I wouldn't focus on the "kind of teenager" who wears them - after all, your daughter does wear them and like them; she probably thinks of herself as that kind of person at this stage - but where and when they're appropriate, which is a really important aspect of style that she should be learning. Just as you might guide her away from certain looks if she were going to church/mosque/temple ets, or a job interview, or a wedding or funeral. Talk about what looks good for school; try incorporating some elements of the set rather than just the whole thing on its own cookie-cutter style.

What is wrong with the sets that the OP describes? Too alluring for the male gaze? Not everything's about men; 14yo girls are much more likely to be dressing for each other than for their male counterparts, who are pretty clueless about style and fashion at that age. These particular sets are only marketed to girls/women as far as I know but the equivalent for boys/men would definitely be marketed as active/workout wear (or underwear) and also inappropriate for school.

OP, why is your husband so invested in this? I can understand a fourteen year old reacting strongly at being told what (not) to wear, but it sounds like he's just as excited. Is he very knowledgeable about fashion/style and making some good points, at least?

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
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SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 17:43

Kellie45 · 09/09/2022 17:16

Very naive statement

No. It’s not.

You ARE victim blaming and oversimplifying.

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itsgettingweird · 09/09/2022 17:49

I realise I'm late to this but no school around here would allow midriff tops even in non uniform days.

We have a variety of schools from strict inform to more relaxed but come mufti days they are pretty much equal!

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fallguys2 · 09/09/2022 18:11

Yes on balance I'd let her.

I'd tell her my thoughts - that it's completely inappropriate for school - but if she still chose to I would let her make her own mistakes. I think there's little point getting into a shouting match over it as she'd probably just take it and change into it if she wanted to anyway.

If school also think it's inappropriate then presumably they'll send her home.

I would be more concerned about her wearing it to a party in the evening or something like that. There is minimal risk of any actual harm coming to her at school.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 19:17

Sadly there are individuals who assault youngsters who dress provocatively. A thoughtful chat is better than lots of yelling.

No

It is in fact this sort of statement that it’s very naive. You can’t protect yourself from the risk of assault by “covering up” or “dressing modestly”.

In fact, I think statistically those who dress confidently and look confident are less often assaulted. I’m not saying it protects you either, but in fact most victims of assault are not wearing “provocative” (whatever that means) clothes

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SunflowerOrange · 09/09/2022 19:18

I'd never heard the phrase "Seamless Set" before today. I have learnt something!

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namechangetheworld · 09/09/2022 19:40

EddieHowesBlackandWhiteArmy · 09/09/2022 15:42

This thread is awful. Ugh. ‘Those teens’. Judgemental much? What is wrong with the sets that the OP describes? Too alluring for the male gaze? Because I bet they’re comfy for the girls wearing them.

if the school doesn’t like it let them enforce that rule but before I’d supported I’d be making them explain exactly what the issue is.

Yeah, that's why teenage girls are wearing outfits like this - for comfort 🙄

They're made of thin, skin tight material that literally show every nook and cranny. Fine around the house, wholly innappropriate for school.

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SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 19:53

SunflowerOrange · 09/09/2022 19:18

I'd never heard the phrase "Seamless Set" before today. I have learnt something!

It all sounds very old fashioned. Then it turns out to be cycling style shorts and a crop top. 🤣

Just to be clear, if I had daughters, I’d tell them they can’t wear one to school. Not because it’s provocative or whatever. But because they’d get sent home/put in isolation. And that’s the reason I’d give her too: The school will not let you.

Schools have all sorts of rules and processes that I or they might think are stupid. But they just have to put up with them. That’s how life goes. I don’t agree with lots of stuff at work, but it’s not my call and I just have to accept it.

That’s the angle I’d go for. Nothing about sexualisation or morality or whatever. Just plain: you’ll get into trouble at school and not be able to attend properly. Going to school matters. So wear something they’ll accept. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 19:55

Because my local secondary would not let her. They have loads of incredibly petty rules about appearance. There’s no way they’re letting anyone attend in a crop top on non-uniform day.

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Ki44 · 09/09/2022 21:53

KimberleyClark · 09/09/2022 11:12

We have in our office dress down Fridays - I wouldn't turn up in a crop top! Or a wedding dress, or a ball gown, or in bleeding sports wear! I own all of those clothes!

Agree, but I think jeans and a rugby shirt are acceptable dress down Friday wear.

Yep, I would agree. That would be fine in my office too. A leotard though....not so much 😂

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Darbs76 · 09/09/2022 21:55

I hate the outfit you’re describing too. My DD is 14 and thankfully doesn’t own anything like that. Her school wouldn’t allow it anyway on a mufti day which helps, there’s rules even when no uniform. I probably wouldn’t die on a ditch over it though if you’ve already allowed her to purchase it I assume

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Fairislefandango · 09/09/2022 22:12

Regardless of male gaze, it's not appropriate for school. Those sets show every bit of your body almost as if you'd just been painted while naked instead of wearing actual clothes.

Expecting adults and children (regardless of what sex they are) to wear clothes which don't make them look almost naked when they are in the workplace or in school shouldn't be controversial imo.

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XelaM · 09/09/2022 22:26

Confusion101 · 09/09/2022 10:26

Was she really told it was for that reason?? 🙄 Doubtful!
People go to school to get an education for working life, which includes dressing appropriately. See through leggings and a crop top isn't appropriate. It has nothing got to do with drawing male attention ffs! They are hormonal teens, they don't need clothing to distract each other 😅
I think u were right OP to not let her wear it to school but your reasoning of attracting the wrong friends seems a little odd as others have pointed out she already owns the clothes! She'd have been sent home in our school for wearing it. We do have a few rules for non uniform days, for both boys and girls!

My daughter's previous (private) school actually had it written in a letter that girls' skirts should be below the knee "so as not to distract the boys". It was written in black and white. We changed schools (not just because of that letter 😃)

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lightisnotwhite · 09/09/2022 22:27

EddieHowesBlackandWhiteArmy · 09/09/2022 15:42

This thread is awful. Ugh. ‘Those teens’. Judgemental much? What is wrong with the sets that the OP describes? Too alluring for the male gaze? Because I bet they’re comfy for the girls wearing them.

if the school doesn’t like it let them enforce that rule but before I’d supported I’d be making them explain exactly what the issue is.

They aren’t wearing them because they’re comfy though that’s the issue.

Topless sunbathing used to be a thing. No strap lines, all women could do it ,young, old mpert or saggy. Cheap, easy and because we all did it not in the least sexual.

Now you need bondage straps and a bikini bottom that sits iup your arse FFS.

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kateandme · 09/09/2022 22:49

SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 19:53

It all sounds very old fashioned. Then it turns out to be cycling style shorts and a crop top. 🤣

Just to be clear, if I had daughters, I’d tell them they can’t wear one to school. Not because it’s provocative or whatever. But because they’d get sent home/put in isolation. And that’s the reason I’d give her too: The school will not let you.

Schools have all sorts of rules and processes that I or they might think are stupid. But they just have to put up with them. That’s how life goes. I don’t agree with lots of stuff at work, but it’s not my call and I just have to accept it.

That’s the angle I’d go for. Nothing about sexualisation or morality or whatever. Just plain: you’ll get into trouble at school and not be able to attend properly. Going to school matters. So wear something they’ll accept. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It makes me laugh how kids would often be totally embarrassed when their “biking”mum or dad put on his “seamless “ biking shorts or wouldn’t not even allow him to!

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Fairislefandango · 10/09/2022 08:25

This thread is awful. Ugh. ‘Those teens’. Judgemental much? What is wrong with the sets that the OP describes? Too alluring for the male gaze? Because I bet they’re comfy for the girls wearing them.

I totally agree with you about the 'those teens' comments, but anyone who thinks that many teenage girls wearing revealing outfits on non-school-uniform day have chosen those outfits based on their comfiness is kidding themselves. Mufti day is a fashion parade and an exercise in seeing what you can get away with. The kids who want comfort rather than attention or fashion cred tend to wear loose, baggy stuff or jeans and a t-shirt, not skin-tight leggings and crop tops!

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arthurfowlermood · 10/09/2022 08:55

Fairislefandango · 10/09/2022 08:25

This thread is awful. Ugh. ‘Those teens’. Judgemental much? What is wrong with the sets that the OP describes? Too alluring for the male gaze? Because I bet they’re comfy for the girls wearing them.

I totally agree with you about the 'those teens' comments, but anyone who thinks that many teenage girls wearing revealing outfits on non-school-uniform day have chosen those outfits based on their comfiness is kidding themselves. Mufti day is a fashion parade and an exercise in seeing what you can get away with. The kids who want comfort rather than attention or fashion cred tend to wear loose, baggy stuff or jeans and a t-shirt, not skin-tight leggings and crop tops!

Kids want to wear what their friends are wearing. What is in fashion. Those sets are surprisingly comfy because of the material. Wanting attention does factor in it but more so for wearing what is NOT in fashion rather than wearing what is. A lot of Kids are doing their utmost not to garner attention from
wearing something different from
their friends. Especially girls and especially at that age.

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LampLighter414 · 10/09/2022 09:02

Seems to be two styles round here

i) The ones who love crop tops with NIKE PRO shorts or leggings. Far too much on display. Some look as young as 11/12

ii) The ones who look like they went to a charity shop in the 1990s to get their outfit

Seems the first group are more likely to smoke, be up to no good, chatting to older looking lads in typical ‘road men’ outfits or sat in souped up Corsas etc

YANBU OP

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EmeraldShamrock1 · 10/09/2022 09:06

They are the current fashion for God knows what reason.

I personally think they're awful though I'd probably have worn them at 14 if they were in fashion.

I wore cycling shorts but a short t shirt back in 96.

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JackandSam · 10/09/2022 10:26

Kellie45 · 09/09/2022 16:54

We have to be careful what our girls wear. I was some when young. Short skirts etc. Sadly there are individuals who assault youngsters who dress provocatively. A thoughtful chat is better than lots of yelling.

There are men who assault girls and women who aren't dressed provocatively! The clothes aren't the issue.

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Tallulah28 · 10/09/2022 18:00

“Certain” teenagers being who or what exactly? Seems like an awful lot of judgement to heap on a group of children?

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arthurfowlermood · 10/09/2022 18:02

LampLighter414 · 10/09/2022 09:02

Seems to be two styles round here

i) The ones who love crop tops with NIKE PRO shorts or leggings. Far too much on display. Some look as young as 11/12

ii) The ones who look like they went to a charity shop in the 1990s to get their outfit

Seems the first group are more likely to smoke, be up to no good, chatting to older looking lads in typical ‘road men’ outfits or sat in souped up Corsas etc

YANBU OP

What a judgmental, sweeping assumption of children.

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DilyteGelyte · 10/09/2022 18:15

I think allow her to wear fun clothes but have control over what she's wearing. Say firm no to seathrough shit,. But offer few good alternatives you think she would like. Teach her that the style of clothes doesn't have to override the fun and being classy. Good luck. Just be firm.

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beautifuldaytosavelives · 10/09/2022 18:16

Certain type? Both my top-set extra-curricular drama, Saturday morning dance leader, school credit winning daughter and niece of professional parents have lived in them all summer, so do jog on with your narrow minded stereo-typing, or are you putting your own daughter in this group?

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