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AIBU?

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set

208 replies

Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 08:56

Just that really. It’s non uniform day in school and she wanted to wear a crop top and those godawful see through leggings.

Shes worn mini skirts , ripped jeans etc into no uniform days before so i am not madly strict on clothes . The school is not overly strict but are quite hot on wearing the correct uniform, but these sets are just dreadful, and around our way worn by a certain group of teens which I don’t really want my DD hanging out with.

She went nuts , DH went nuts

Were we unreasonable

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1155 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
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You are NOT being unreasonable
90%
Sothis · 09/09/2022 10:01

Good on you. Whenever I see girls wearing totally ridiculous see-through clothes I think…why didn’t your parents stop you!

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Vegetablesupreme · 09/09/2022 10:06

I totally agree with you op. When my dd was 14 I wouldn't have allowed her to wear that to school either. It sounds far too revealing and I'm normally a pretty relaxed mum.

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girlmom21 · 09/09/2022 10:08

Don't let her buy see through leggings and tell her crop tops are inappropriate for school.

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LostAtTheCrossRoad · 09/09/2022 10:13

Crop top and see through anything would have had her in internal exclusion in all three of our local High schools if she turned up in them. She must know whether they'll be acceptable or not?

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ButteredJorts · 09/09/2022 10:14

Can't really say whether YABU or not because I'm mainly of the wear what you want and sod everyone else variety, but if they are really see through then I'm not sure.

Like PPs though she probably took it anyway and got changed at school!

I will say though that be grateful she's not me at 14.
I was a provocative little shit at that age and for mufti days I wore the MOST controversial band tees I could, including Marilyn Mason and THAT Cradle of Filth tee. (I won't even describe it, it was utterly gross!- got suspended for that one!) Blush

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ButteredJorts · 09/09/2022 10:17

*Marilyn Manson not Mason ffs autocorrect

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CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/09/2022 10:18

Girls in DD's school are not allowed to wear crop tops, leggings, or tight shorts on non-uniform day.

They are sent home if they do.

One girl was told it was because it distracts the boys.

Fuck that shit. They they should be teaching boys not to objectify girls. Not telling girls to moderate their clothing to stop the boys urges.

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ButteredJorts · 09/09/2022 10:20

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/09/2022 10:18

Girls in DD's school are not allowed to wear crop tops, leggings, or tight shorts on non-uniform day.

They are sent home if they do.

One girl was told it was because it distracts the boys.

Fuck that shit. They they should be teaching boys not to objectify girls. Not telling girls to moderate their clothing to stop the boys urges.

But I also vehemently agree with this so I don't know!

[gets on fence]

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Brideandpredjudice · 09/09/2022 10:25

I imagine it's a set like this, but with leggings instead of shorts. For those unsure.

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
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Confusion101 · 09/09/2022 10:26

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/09/2022 10:18

Girls in DD's school are not allowed to wear crop tops, leggings, or tight shorts on non-uniform day.

They are sent home if they do.

One girl was told it was because it distracts the boys.

Fuck that shit. They they should be teaching boys not to objectify girls. Not telling girls to moderate their clothing to stop the boys urges.

Was she really told it was for that reason?? 🙄 Doubtful!
People go to school to get an education for working life, which includes dressing appropriately. See through leggings and a crop top isn't appropriate. It has nothing got to do with drawing male attention ffs! They are hormonal teens, they don't need clothing to distract each other 😅
I think u were right OP to not let her wear it to school but your reasoning of attracting the wrong friends seems a little odd as others have pointed out she already owns the clothes! She'd have been sent home in our school for wearing it. We do have a few rules for non uniform days, for both boys and girls!

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Confusion101 · 09/09/2022 10:26

Just to add to above, I know they go to school for more than just working life, just using that as an example of why appropriate dress is important!

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KimberleyClark · 09/09/2022 10:27

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/09/2022 10:18

Girls in DD's school are not allowed to wear crop tops, leggings, or tight shorts on non-uniform day.

They are sent home if they do.

One girl was told it was because it distracts the boys.

Fuck that shit. They they should be teaching boys not to objectify girls. Not telling girls to moderate their clothing to stop the boys urges.

Inappropriate clothing for school is inappropriate clothing for school. Boys’ urges are irrelevant.

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Bunce1 · 09/09/2022 10:27

We don’t live in a feminist utopia so as much as I agree that girls should not be told to cover up, it distracts the poor menz. This is the world we live in and at 14 I don’t know if my Dd could handle the attention she will get.

looking like that is a flex it’s sending a message of toughness, rife at our comp and worn by the fighty ones. It’s tribal- she’s fitting in with her tribe? That’s for weekends I guess?

School is like work. There is a standard to uphold. Boys can’t wear footy gear on mufti, can’t have shaved heads, can’t have unnatural colours in their hair. Similar rules for the girls but is is more about the level of “sexiness”.

Im the parent. I need to protect you. You can’t wear that. The world isn’t ready for it.

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ShepherdMoons · 09/09/2022 10:29

Probably will be shot down for this but I'm not a fan of the crop top. My friend's dds are 13 and wear them and extremely short skirts, I find it really unnerving when we are out in public and old men are ogling them. Many see them as being much older than their actual age. Sorry, I'm on a rant! I know you can't dictate to them what to wear at these ages but I'd advise against.

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Sushi7 · 09/09/2022 10:30

I had to Google them. They look way too tight and inappropriate for a young teen. I wouldn’t wear this unless I was working out. Although if you’re happy for your 14 year old dd to walk around town wearing this (walking past grown men) then it’s a bit hypocritical to say it’s not appropriate at a school full of teens. I can understand why she was angry considering she already owns the set.

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/18230953/shoppers-obsessed-primark-seamless-range-dresses/amp/

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KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 09/09/2022 10:31

It would be a hard no from me.

Stand your ground OP, you are not wrong.

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SunshineLoving · 09/09/2022 10:35

Nope. I would not allow that. Definitely not appropriate for school. I am shocked that the other parents think this is okay.

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Lucyintheskywithrubies · 09/09/2022 10:37

Nope.

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newmum1976 · 09/09/2022 10:38

I think it massively depends on the outfit. How cropped is the top? I have 2dds and sometimes what they call a cropped top, is actually a bikini top 😱 Other cropped tops cover most of their stomach, so I’d be fine with that.

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
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Underanothersky · 09/09/2022 10:38

Isaidnoalready · 09/09/2022 09:12

She will end up being "that child" who ruined it for everyone and made them bring in "rules" I was almost that child mufti day wore a CND tshirt without thinking an teacher took "offence" especially as I knew exactly what it stood for they asked me not to wear it again please 😂

Whats wrong with a CND t shirt?

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Mumspair1 · 09/09/2022 10:38

That sounds really tacky and completely inappropriate. She need sto know that. She 14 fgs.

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DazzlePaintedBattlePants · 09/09/2022 10:38

Nope, no and thrice no from me. Not just because they look horrific but because you can bet your bottom dollar men and boys will perve over it. I would not put my child in that position

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Pinkpeony2 · 09/09/2022 10:42

I have a 13 year old who constantly wants to dress in the most skimpy shorts and crop tops.
It a nightmare and we have had many arguments but she is generally a sensible girl, talks to me openly, is generally respectful and thoughtful and pretty mature for her age. She hates being in trouble with school or other adults.
I have had to pick my battles. Clothes like the photo would be fine for a weekend or holiday (although I wouldn’t like them but would let them pass)
School though don’t allow anything like this even on dress down days. No leggings without a long top, no crop tops, no make up or jewellery, only certain types of shoes, no short skirts etc.

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BeautifulDragon · 09/09/2022 10:48

No way would I allow that for school.

And for people asking why is it okay for other times, but not school...I mean come on. I have plenty of clothes I would wear at home, but not for work. We had a work 'boot camp style' team bonding day recently and I didn't wear my usual gym kit because it didn't feel appropriate for a work environment.

I always remember being in secondary school on non-uniform day. A girl in my class took off her coat to reveal her skin-tight spaghetti string top, that she was wearing with no bra in the middle of winter. She got sent home to change and looked so embarrassed. Even at the time I wondered why her parents hadn't told her it wasn't appropriate!

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FemaleAndLearning · 09/09/2022 10:49

Non uniform days are awful. I honestly don't know why schools do it. There is also some evidence (can't remember where I read it) that it increases time off schools for kids in poverty particularly days that say you can dress up as x, y, z and wear colours a,b,c.

Also a huge issue for neurodivergent children for whom it is not a treat to have to decide on a new outfit.

Let alone pain in the arse for parents of girls!
It sounds like the school needs some rules around what is acceptable, crop tops are not allowed at ours but my daughter pushes the boundaries with a belly top! I would email the school and suggest they put some guidance in (you don't need to tell your daughter you are doing this). Girls are already heavily policed with school uniform do it needs to be handled carefully. Share this report by Let Clothes Be Clothes when you contact school. www.letclothesbeclothes.co.uk/girls-school-uniform-report-2021

Also goes well with Safe Schools Alliance Factsheet 16. safeschoolsallianceuk.net/resources-2/factsheets/

I would apologise to her tonight and say you were worried about her as girls are so over sexualised and is she really empowered by what she is wearing or does she feel she has to wear this outfit. Good chance to have a chat about how women and girls are treated in society etc.

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