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AIBU?

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set

208 replies

Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 08:56

Just that really. It’s non uniform day in school and she wanted to wear a crop top and those godawful see through leggings.

Shes worn mini skirts , ripped jeans etc into no uniform days before so i am not madly strict on clothes . The school is not overly strict but are quite hot on wearing the correct uniform, but these sets are just dreadful, and around our way worn by a certain group of teens which I don’t really want my DD hanging out with.

She went nuts , DH went nuts

Were we unreasonable

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1155 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
10%
You are NOT being unreasonable
90%
nachoavocado · 09/09/2022 12:58

It just looks a bit silly really. Like they are off to the gym. But what do I know I live in my old joggers and t-shirts.

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TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 09/09/2022 12:58

Violinist64 · 09/09/2022 10:50

Totally inappropriate for school and I would not have allowed my daughter to have worn that outfit at any time. Despite what we would like to believe, unfortunately a small group of men would use it as an excuse to inflame their urges.

There we are. It was "inflame their urges".

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Jogonlogonpip · 09/09/2022 13:00

Divebar2021 · 09/09/2022 09:26

Are they those honeycomb leggings which really emphasise the bum? If so it would be a no from me. With a shirt over can look ok but not for school

I've seen these, too. I wouldn't allow either.

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JackandSam · 09/09/2022 13:01

BeautifulDragon · 09/09/2022 12:22

I had a pair of white hot pants, a pink striped thin strap cropped top and stripper heels. It was my favourite outfit!

But did you wear it to school??

No one (well most people) aren't saying that you should police every item of clothing a teen wears.

School, supermarket, shopping in town, around the house. Everywhere.

Yes school objected, but there wasn't huge amounts they could do about it, I just sat in the isolation room all day or was forced to put on my PE kit. Which ironically was black hotpants!

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arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 13:02

Jogonlogonpip · 09/09/2022 13:00

I've seen these, too. I wouldn't allow either.

No they are not, there is no honeycomb bum in them, they are made from think material like the ones I posted upthread, not see through and no emphasis on the bum area.

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Foronenightonly22 · 09/09/2022 13:12

I think I know what you mean. The other day a teenage girl walked past my daughter and I then turned and came past us again. OMG My eyes! I’m not prudishand spend my life in tightish running leggings and my daughter live in leggings and short shorts but that was something else !

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user29 · 09/09/2022 13:21

I cant believe the school are so chill about what they can wear on non-uniform days. Ours has rules such as no ripped jeans , no mi ini skirts, no crop tops , no see through tops etc

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SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 13:22

JackandSam · 09/09/2022 13:01

School, supermarket, shopping in town, around the house. Everywhere.

Yes school objected, but there wasn't huge amounts they could do about it, I just sat in the isolation room all day or was forced to put on my PE kit. Which ironically was black hotpants!

Mostly I’d be looking to help my kids avoid spending the day in isolation. I might let them wear something the school will seem unacceptable once and enjoy a day of isolation but the next time, I’d veto the outfit on the basis that they’ll just end up in isolation and that’s not ok with me at all.

Nothing to do with ‘inflamed urges’ or whatever nonsense. Just making sure they’re able to participate properly in their education.

The school has loads of what I consider to be utterly stupid rules and processes. But I can’t change that. So DS has to live with them.

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JackandSam · 09/09/2022 13:25

SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 13:22

Mostly I’d be looking to help my kids avoid spending the day in isolation. I might let them wear something the school will seem unacceptable once and enjoy a day of isolation but the next time, I’d veto the outfit on the basis that they’ll just end up in isolation and that’s not ok with me at all.

Nothing to do with ‘inflamed urges’ or whatever nonsense. Just making sure they’re able to participate properly in their education.

The school has loads of what I consider to be utterly stupid rules and processes. But I can’t change that. So DS has to live with them.

That suggests you think my parents didn't! There were plenty of "you aren't wearing that" conversations. They fell on deaf ears. I'd just change later on, or wear it under stuff that I'd then take off.

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MelodyPondsMum · 09/09/2022 13:45

Why does she own them?
I don't think you were wrong to stop her wearing them to school but considering you have such strong views on them, where does she wear them?

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 13:47

Oh my gosh, I’ve just looked up what this is! It’s exactly what some girls in my dd’s year were wearing - and matching each other exactly - when I saw them the other day. (The mum of one of them is a friend of mine)

I mean it’s fairly inoffensive when worn on teenagers but I did wonder why they matched!

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Ihatemyroad · 09/09/2022 14:00

They are awful! And show the outline of everything!! I find them vulgar.

I would’ve said no too.

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SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 14:15

JackandSam · 09/09/2022 13:25

That suggests you think my parents didn't! There were plenty of "you aren't wearing that" conversations. They fell on deaf ears. I'd just change later on, or wear it under stuff that I'd then take off.

That’s a different issue though (and I’d be extremely unhappy at the defiance and sneaky behaviour to the point that the outfit would no longer be available to sneak on).

The question here is about whether the OP (and her DH) were unreasonable to veto it. Your parents did veto it - because you’d end up in trouble at school. I would veto it, for the same reason.

Some people seem to think that it’s ridiculous for parents to say to their daughters that an outfit isn’t suitable for school at all or that teenage girls should just decide to wear whatever they like whenever they like.

I don’t agree that they should. It’s totally ok to say: nope. You’re not wearing that. I have told my sons that they must change into suitable clothes on many occasions throughout their lives - ‘no, you can’t wear that coat; it’s 35C not winter’, ‘No. you must wear the coat; it’s pouring with rain’, ‘No. you can’t wear that hoody. You’ve been wearing it all week and it hasn’t been washed. Put on a clean one’, ‘Stop wandering around in your pants. I’ve got a plumber coming to fix the tap’, and so on. I might have slightly different issues to cover if I had daughters (maybe not), but no child
in my family is entirely in charge of what they wear at all times.

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arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 14:56

SudocremOnEverything · 09/09/2022 14:15

That’s a different issue though (and I’d be extremely unhappy at the defiance and sneaky behaviour to the point that the outfit would no longer be available to sneak on).

The question here is about whether the OP (and her DH) were unreasonable to veto it. Your parents did veto it - because you’d end up in trouble at school. I would veto it, for the same reason.

Some people seem to think that it’s ridiculous for parents to say to their daughters that an outfit isn’t suitable for school at all or that teenage girls should just decide to wear whatever they like whenever they like.

I don’t agree that they should. It’s totally ok to say: nope. You’re not wearing that. I have told my sons that they must change into suitable clothes on many occasions throughout their lives - ‘no, you can’t wear that coat; it’s 35C not winter’, ‘No. you must wear the coat; it’s pouring with rain’, ‘No. you can’t wear that hoody. You’ve been wearing it all week and it hasn’t been washed. Put on a clean one’, ‘Stop wandering around in your pants. I’ve got a plumber coming to fix the tap’, and so on. I might have slightly different issues to cover if I had daughters (maybe not), but no child
in my family is entirely in charge of what they wear at all times.

@SudocremOnEverything How old are your sons?

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Mardyface · 09/09/2022 15:04

@SudocremOnEverything of course you have different issues to cover if you had daughters. If you didn't want your son wearing something because only 'certain types of teens' wear it there wouldn't be the unspoken 'slappers' which nobody will admit to thinking on this thread. Your sons are not culturally trained to think their appearance is the most important things about them. Your sons are not as vulnerable to eating disorders and self harm as girls are if they think their appearance is being judged negatively.

I'm desperately trying to look at what my girls wear and just say 'you look nice' because I know first hand that anything else is going to cause daughters a world of trouble. If schools are going to ban things on non uniform days I might use that as a way of saying 'that wouldn't fly' and I might try to insist on a coat now and again but ultimately if the fashion is to wear something I find distasteful I have to acknowledge that it's because I've got no idea about current fashion, not because there's something intrinsically wrong with the clothing or that it sends a particular message to others.

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 15:04

Also although I don’t think they’re very nice, it reminds me a bit of the cycle shorts and matching crop too phase in the late 80s. I remember my whole class turning up to school in it! I had the shorts and a proper t shirt in fluorescent colours and thought it was great, but some had the crop top. Either with the shorts or a fluorescent skirt 😂

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/09/2022 15:06

Exactly like this with the stripe

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
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Ihaveanoldiphone · 09/09/2022 15:09

Sorry OP but you really shouldn’t stop her and hope she makes better choices as she gets older. I think the damage is already done as she already thinks this style is cool. If it is deemed inappropriate for school then they will deal with it and she might change her mind next time.

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Mardyface · 09/09/2022 15:09

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing side ponytail obligatory.

What about shell suits, which must've been a massive issue near bunsen burners?!

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Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 15:10

It’s interesting how different everyone’s views are

its this kind of thing but more see through

To have not let my DD go to school in a Primark seamless set
OP posts:
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Ihaveanoldiphone · 09/09/2022 15:11

I’ve just seen the pic of the shorts and I don’t think they’re bad? I say this as someone who dresses quite conservatively. I’ve seen girls wear much worse than that and I was thinking the worst.

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Beamur · 09/09/2022 15:14

The only 'types' of girls that wear these are the types that like these clothes. They're not any kind of homogeneous group, this is a very typical and popular look for many teens.
It's a bit eye popping for some of us (especially the flesh toned ones!!) but we shouldn't draw any judgement or value from it.
Fashion's come and go - this one, as someone has already said was popular in the 80's (remember Mel and Kim?) I remember wearing long stretchy skirts which had ruching on the bum and didn't really leave much to the imagination!
There's a whole conversation around the male gaze but that's not at the forefront of most young girls minds who want to fit in with friends.
Plus, I would imagine that these are very comfy!

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JackandSam · 09/09/2022 15:16

Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 15:10

It’s interesting how different everyone’s views are

its this kind of thing but more see through

See through because the quality is poor or because they're supposed to be?

I don't think they're that bad, they look like "active wear" to me and not dissimilar to the stuff I see loads of women and girls wearing.

I think conversations about why certain clothes aren't viewed as suitable in some situations and then allowing them to make their own decisions is better though.

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Dramachameleon · 09/09/2022 15:22

I think see through because of bad quality and also design.

think every seam of your pants very visible see through. Like I said I’ve nothing against the tops, mini skirts, ripped jeans, little dresses etc.

But I hate these and I really think they are not appropriate for a school setting

OP posts:
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arthurfowlermood · 09/09/2022 15:24

Mardyface · 09/09/2022 15:04

@SudocremOnEverything of course you have different issues to cover if you had daughters. If you didn't want your son wearing something because only 'certain types of teens' wear it there wouldn't be the unspoken 'slappers' which nobody will admit to thinking on this thread. Your sons are not culturally trained to think their appearance is the most important things about them. Your sons are not as vulnerable to eating disorders and self harm as girls are if they think their appearance is being judged negatively.

I'm desperately trying to look at what my girls wear and just say 'you look nice' because I know first hand that anything else is going to cause daughters a world of trouble. If schools are going to ban things on non uniform days I might use that as a way of saying 'that wouldn't fly' and I might try to insist on a coat now and again but ultimately if the fashion is to wear something I find distasteful I have to acknowledge that it's because I've got no idea about current fashion, not because there's something intrinsically wrong with the clothing or that it sends a particular message to others.

@Mardyface Very well said.

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