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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Queen Passing but Not feeling It – AIBU

295 replies

Richielogic · 09/09/2022 05:05

Now don’t get me wrong, of course it’s a massive loss to the UK, commonwealth and to her family, I get that but for me personally I’m just not feeling it. I think I have so many matters of my own, work and family to deal with and worry about that I just can’t relate to it.

Only today three hours before the official announcement, all five main UK TV channels were nonstop talking about the queen and we have gone into what I can only describe as a “24hr Queenathon” where in respect, TV is in a loop just talking about the same thing over and over constant. We will have weeks of this now and a bank holiday so more business interruption at a horrendous economic time and I’m sick of it already.

It's not that I’m uncompassionate, I got very upset recently over some of the atrocities that children in Ukraine have faced from Russian aggression, they have something to really worry about at night, that really upset me but with the Queen passing I’m just not feeling it. I will celebrate the life of the Queen, she has been amazing, but I can’t relate to mourning over her, I just can’t.

My Sister-in-law today has been in tears over the Queens death, half of me feels like saying “just get a grip, you're lucky that’s all you need to cry about” of course I won't, will just nod and say it's very sad but I just think, yes Queens been incredible, let's celebrate her life but as for mourning, shouldn’t that be for direct family only? AIBU?

Finally, at 96 I feel she had a really long life, worked hard but the best of everything. Some good people just don’t get a fraction of that, maybe that’s also a factor for me. Anyone else feeling the same or am I being uncompassionate?

OP posts:
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5
Carpy88999 · 09/09/2022 05:10

It's not sad when an old person dies of old age. It's grief stealing, something this nation is particularly good at.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 09/09/2022 05:11

I think that’s a measured response. Not uncompassionate.

I’m not emotional about it either. I recognise its significance, and I’m sorry for a bereaved family. But I’m not grieving myself.

DancingBudgie · 09/09/2022 05:16

Im not grieving at all. I find it ridiculous to grieve over someone you never met or knew.

soberfabulous · 09/09/2022 05:17

Totally with you OP!

pompomdaisy · 09/09/2022 05:21

Not feeling it either plus I'm now getting sick of my specialist Facebook groups posting about it. If I wanted to join a love the Queen group I could understand it but I haven't! Is this going to go on for 10 days and longer?

YouAndMeVsTheWorld · 09/09/2022 05:23

Yep, we’ve just had a massive tragedy, dh brother and his son, our teenage nephew died.

we’re absolutely reeling, and after a really shitty year. Listening to the morning dj in tears, I just can’t.

pompomdaisy · 09/09/2022 05:25

@YouAndMeVsTheWorld yes all this coverage must make your loss extra hard 💐

PinotPony · 09/09/2022 05:25

I'm the same. It's terribly sad and I understand that the nation will mourn. But she was an elderly lady so it's not exactly a shock. It's a fact of life that old people die.

I hugely admired our Queen and it will be strange to have a new monarch. But I simply can't bring myself to be tearful or devastated as so many seem to be on social media.

Cherryana · 09/09/2022 05:25

I think most people really feel like you - I certainly do. I think a few things - TV is not a reflection of life it is a reduction of life. Secondly, I think all your points but they don’t have to said or spoken of right now. A bit of time can pass.

It is going to give some people something in common to talk about - social bonding I think… buckle up!

justfiveminutes · 09/09/2022 05:26

I'm not feeling it either but understand why others feel differently. There will be 10 days of mourning so yes there will be wall-to-wall coverage and discussion, but I don't begrudge 10 days after a lifetime of service. For 10 days you will have to watch Netflix and avoid the news, so not an insurmountable challenge.

NumptiesIncorporated · 09/09/2022 05:26

Seems like the most reasonable response.

She lived a long, healthy, privileged life. This is not a tragedy, it's completely expected And you didn't know her. Your life is not going to change in any meaningful way. I'm sure there will be plenty other people to do the whole performative grieving thing. Leave it to them.

Original poster
Richielogic · 09/09/2022 05:28

@pompomdaisy No official line yet i understand but did read likely 10 official days of mourning and at least one day if not two bank holiday days where everything closes.

OP posts:
Roussette · 09/09/2022 05:29

Your OP was calm and measured and how I feel.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 09/09/2022 05:32

NumptiesIncorporated · 09/09/2022 05:26

Seems like the most reasonable response.

She lived a long, healthy, privileged life. This is not a tragedy, it's completely expected And you didn't know her. Your life is not going to change in any meaningful way. I'm sure there will be plenty other people to do the whole performative grieving thing. Leave it to them.

This is exactly how I feel.

I would very much like @MNHQ to ensure all posts about it are on The Royal Family board, too.

@YouAndMeVsTheWorld I am so sorry for your loss 💐

WoodlandMummy · 09/09/2022 05:33

Some sanity in a world of hysteria. Thank you, OP. You put into words how I’m feeling but in a much more compassionate and measured way.

WoodlandMummy · 09/09/2022 05:33

BatshitCrazyWoman · 09/09/2022 05:32

This is exactly how I feel.

I would very much like @MNHQ to ensure all posts about it are on The Royal Family board, too.

@YouAndMeVsTheWorld I am so sorry for your loss 💐

Show quote history

Oh please can MN do this

WeAreThePigs · 09/09/2022 05:37

I don’t really care. My mum is likely dying and I’d have given anything to have her with me until that age. It kind of made me bitter to be honest. They get their mum 20 years longer than me stamps foot

I know Im being childish 🤷‍♀️

Malariahilaria · 09/09/2022 05:37

Great post OP. I respected the service she put in and how she maintained a neutral opinion free status. Sad for her close family but will be avoiding tv and sm for a while. I'm interested in the process from a historical perspective but have little time for Charles or the rest of the family (Anne seems decent tho)

Original poster
Richielogic · 09/09/2022 05:40

Cherryana · 09/09/2022 05:25

I think most people really feel like you - I certainly do. I think a few things - TV is not a reflection of life it is a reduction of life. Secondly, I think all your points but they don’t have to said or spoken of right now. A bit of time can pass.

It is going to give some people something in common to talk about - social bonding I think… buckle up!

@Cherryana that's a fair point, as you say it doesn't have to be said right now and half of me expected a bashing here posting this OP and that i was perhaps being unreasonable and uncompassionate. Just struggling to relate. As you say, on a positive it could help some with social bonding, i hadn't considered that.

OP posts:
CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 09/09/2022 05:41

I cant bring myself to muster up any kind of feeling that someone who was nearly 100 has died of old age after living an amazing life.

I will never understand the people who go to Buckingham Palace and mourn.

The news and media will be saturated, but I will find it easy enough to avoid like I did with the jubilee.

I feel as sorry as I would to hear of any family who has lost an elderly relative and I will offer to work on the day of the funeral because I don't want a day off for someone I neither know, nor care about.

FaazoHuyzeoSix · 09/09/2022 05:43

Yanbu
When someone dies at 96, excessive mourning is inappropriate. Obviously it's sad for those to whom the deceased was mum, granny or aunty. For the rest of us - we give thanks for and celebrate their long life and achievements, acknowledge their lasting influence and how they affected who we are and who we wamt to be, and life goes on. No one is immortal, and old people do die. It's sad when people die young. Mourning is quite reasonable when someone dies before they reach genuine old age. It feels totally weird to be expected to mourn this much for the death of a 96 year old who has had a good life.

AIMummy · 09/09/2022 05:47

Yup I'm with you OP. Your comment about it paling in comparison to the many worries of your own at the moment also resonates with me.

BellaCiao1 · 09/09/2022 05:48

It's sad in a convention sense like it would be if anyone of note dies. Of course it has wider implications such as constitutional change etc.

I feel for the family who are mourning a mother, grandmother and great grandmother.

However, I read something on twitter that struck me, especially with the impending fuel crisis this winter;

"It is not a tragedy for a 96 year old to die with a full stomach, warm in her bed, in one of her residences, surrounded by her loved ones".

I think as a society we need to look at her "subjects", many old people will struggle this Winter against many hardships. King Charles will do the Christmas message on his golden throne, talking about how tough Britain is getting it - that's the sad thing IMO.

Featuredcreature · 09/09/2022 05:56

It's sad in an end of an era way. That's about it. Bet she took some cracking secrets to the grave. Pretty glad I don't have a TV licence anymore.

embolass · 09/09/2022 05:56

Totally agree with you OP! The performative grieving (Numptie that sums it up perfectly) we will witness over the next week, I cannot understand.