Queen Passing but Not feeling It – AIBU

[Richielogic]

Now don’t get me wrong, of course it’s a massive loss to the UK, commonwealth and to her family, I get that but for me personally I’m just not feeling it. I think I have so many matters of my own, work and family to deal with and worry about that I just can’t relate to it.

Only today three hours before the official announcement, all five main UK TV channels were nonstop talking about the queen and we have gone into what I can only describe as a “24hr Queenathon” where in respect, TV is in a loop just talking about the same thing over and over constant. We will have weeks of this now and a bank holiday so more business interruption at a horrendous economic time and I’m sick of it already.

It's not that I’m uncompassionate, I got very upset recently over some of the atrocities that children in Ukraine have faced from Russian aggression, they have something to really worry about at night, that really upset me but with the Queen passing I’m just not feeling it. I will celebrate the life of the Queen, she has been amazing, but I can’t relate to mourning over her, I just can’t.

My Sister-in-law today has been in tears over the Queens death, half of me feels like saying “just get a grip, you're lucky that’s all you need to cry about” of course I won't, will just nod and say it's very sad but I just think, yes Queens been incredible, let's celebrate her life but as for mourning, shouldn’t that be for direct family only? AIBU?

Finally, at 96 I feel she had a really long life, worked hard but the best of everything. Some good people just don’t get a fraction of that, maybe that’s also a factor for me. Anyone else feeling the same or am I being uncompassionate?

It wouldn't even occur to me to cancel to be honest. How could it be "disrespectful" to not put your life on hold for the passing of someone you never met??

I don't feel sad at all, I'm already finding the constant coverage irritating and am buckling up for a very strange few days.

I wish it was a strange few days. I think it will be constant for two weeks, then just every day for a long time.

She was a very rich old lady. She had a life of luxury and was pulled kicking and screaming into the modern(ish) world. I feel for her family, she certainly delivered on her commitment, and for that I give her respect, but the fawning is just too much for me.

King Charles? Let’s hope he gets real.

Excellent post OP. I recognise the historical significance but have no real interest and am certainly not grieving.

Life for me in the coming weeks will be exactly as planned. I can't bring myself to join in with performative mourning.

If you are not feeling it, then that's fine. But you should be respectful of other people's feelings about it. Some people will feed sad about it and there is nothing wrong with that. She was our ruler and therefore a celebrity of sorts, and it is not uncommon for people to cry/feel sad when a celebrity that they admire dies. So why should it be different with the Queen?

I feel similar, OP.

What I do think is that the Queen dying is the breaking of a last link with an earlier age (WW2 and it aftermath) and that it's going to change something profound in terms of how we see ourselves as a country. That's probably a good thing but not necessarily an easy thing. I think having a monarch who was in the ATS, whose first PM was Winston Churchill and so on, has made the past seem present to us in a way that has been a comfort, but that hasn't always helped the country look to the future.

But that's nothing to do with grief nor is it a process that's going to happen all at once.

While I agree such emotional outpourings seem over the top, I think you are missing what people may be grieving for.
Of course one does not feel the same as if it was their own relative. But for me it's a connection to my parents. I recall the stories my mother (a year older than the Queen) told me of the excitement of waiting to see her on the balcony at her coronation, and of how she was a constant in some very troubled times.
It is an end of a generation who lived through times most of us have barely any conception of. She was a symbol and representative of something that may no longer be as important now, but was of immense significance in years past.
I think this is what people are upset about. The loss of the embodiment of how England was once. It's values and it's morals.

I think a lot of people feel the way you do OP.
For me it's not grief, not by a long way. But I do feel sort of reflective and slightly melancholy.
And there is something sad and a bit unsettling about it. I think it's because, for the vast majority of us, she's been the queen for our whole life. So now she's died it causes us to reflect on our past, look back at the celebrations we had for the various jubilees, the major events that involved royalty (marriages, Christmases, wars etc) and it feels like the backdrop to our lives has changed a bit. Much like if a large building that we saw every day was knocked down!

But also I have to confess that the worst thing is that horrible "out of control" feeling at the uncertainty of what events are going to be cancelled in the next couple of weeks. It takes me back to the early Covid days, and that is absolutely horrible. That might seem selfish as this is all acceptable protocol, but I truly hate that feeling of life stopping and it being beyond my control again.

As with everything not everyone will be bothered, but whatever your viewpoint it’s going to be constant on TV for the next couple of weeks. So switch off and do something else I guess. I personally shed a tear as it symbolises the end of such an amazing lady who sacrificed a lot for our country and whatever we feel we need to be respectful for that, and accept that Tv is going to cover it constantly under the funeral

I think so much of MN would be very surprised at how former colonial subjects are feeling. Have a look on Twitter. For many who suffered under Empire, it is difficult to separate the institution from the person.

It is NOT terribly sad, it's normal at her age and she lived an amazing life. I get some people struggling with the significance of the change, but not that objectively they are struggling with the fact she has died. It's in no way tragic or unexpected. I'm not mourning

You're not being unreasonable. Me and my family are the same, yes it's sad. But to see strangers crying on the news etc etc makes me cringe. To me she was just another elderly person. This is going to be in the news for months, it's ridiculous really.

I respect your opinion but it is not mine.
I am very sad. Not for the Queen as an individual (although I have respect for the work she did) but for the change to come. I feel like the Queen has been a constant in a world where there is so much conflict and anger. Regardless of your thoughts on the monarchy she was well respected internationally and a figurehead who never wavered in her approach. It diminishes our standing further and I feel a huge sense of loss.

Deep condolences to those going through their own personal tragedies.

I don't think I'm a cold unfeeling person. I work with children and families who are experiencing genuine personal tragedies, whose lives are immeasurably sad and difficult and I have unlimited compassion for them. But I feel nothing more than I would for the passing of any 96 year old I've never met.

I understand that some people will feel genuinely sad. But those describing it as "tragic" need to give their head a wobble. It is not tragic when someone dies of old age, it's natural.

I actually saw someone on another thread claim that anyone who says they're not upset or that they're irritated by the coverage is actually in denial and trying to down play their own "grief" as a coping strategy which is a load of old nonsense. I'm not "grieving" because I haven't lost anything. I didn't really think about the Queen when she was alive, and my day to day life isn't going to change because there's a rich old man wearing the big gold hat instead of a rich old lady. I haven't watched any of the coverage and don't intend to, not because I have an problem with it but because I'm just not interested.

All the news teams have essentially run out of anything new to say beyond the rehashed platitudes spoken in hushed tones. They are now doing the vox pop street interviews with Joe Public of the "what did the Queen mean to you" variety with predictable sycophantic results. I was going to go to the gym this lunchtime but have just been informed that it is closed out of 'respect', a bit OTT I think.

Sod that, I'd still carry on with the party. Yes it was sad news but why should you cancel your plans for your daughter for a stranger?

I feel the shift in our cultural and historical landscape. Getting used to small but jarring changes that have just been part of the fabric of our language for as long as I've been alive - things like KC instead of QC, changing stamps and coins etc. All small, minor and inconsequential but odd-feeling nonetheless- makes me feel unsettled. But no, I'm not sad either. She had a lovely life, did her duty, was a marvellous diplomat and died, as we all must, peacefully in a place that she loved, surrounded by family. Can't be too sad about that.

Totally agree op. I saw the announcement live and felt sad, acknowledged the Queen’s service, felt sorry for her family, contemplated the new King Charles (eek) and carried on with my life. I expected a shit down on funeral day but did not expect the black out on radio and tv. There’s no escape!

*shut down

The media’s going to go a bit insane for a couple of weeks. I’m definitely limiting my indulgence in it for a while.

I got home from work at 6:30 and put the TV on to the announcement . I hadn’t seen any of the rolling news from earlier in the day or known she was unwell or it was imminent so it was a bit of a shock and I was surprised I felt very sad for a minute or so as I’m generally anti monarchy and as you said I didn’t know her and she had a long, privileged life. But after the initial shock/ sadness I feel fine and very much am in the business as usual mindset and like most people I have bigger things to worry about or feel sad about in my own life. It’s not unreasonable to want to just carry on as usual and for the most part, outside of TV schedules, I think things mostly will be normal. Thank goodness for Netflix and other subscription or catch up TV so those of us who don’t care for a history of her life can easily avoid it. A ‘day of mourning’ for the funeral is a bonus if it means a day off work at least.

Yet there is little respect for those of who find this whole circus an embarrassment. It clearly doesn't work both ways.

The one good thing is that Zoe Ball has calmed down.

I feel for Charles - he must know that a lot of people did support the Monarchy because of the Queen and had a lot of respect for her.

I can't see this same thing for when Charles dies. He is 73 so hasn't got much time to make his mark as King.