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AIBU?

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Original poster

Queen Passing but Not feeling It – AIBU

295 replies

Richielogic · 09/09/2022 05:05

Now don’t get me wrong, of course it’s a massive loss to the UK, commonwealth and to her family, I get that but for me personally I’m just not feeling it. I think I have so many matters of my own, work and family to deal with and worry about that I just can’t relate to it.

Only today three hours before the official announcement, all five main UK TV channels were nonstop talking about the queen and we have gone into what I can only describe as a “24hr Queenathon” where in respect, TV is in a loop just talking about the same thing over and over constant. We will have weeks of this now and a bank holiday so more business interruption at a horrendous economic time and I’m sick of it already.

It's not that I’m uncompassionate, I got very upset recently over some of the atrocities that children in Ukraine have faced from Russian aggression, they have something to really worry about at night, that really upset me but with the Queen passing I’m just not feeling it. I will celebrate the life of the Queen, she has been amazing, but I can’t relate to mourning over her, I just can’t.

My Sister-in-law today has been in tears over the Queens death, half of me feels like saying “just get a grip, you're lucky that’s all you need to cry about” of course I won't, will just nod and say it's very sad but I just think, yes Queens been incredible, let's celebrate her life but as for mourning, shouldn’t that be for direct family only? AIBU?

Finally, at 96 I feel she had a really long life, worked hard but the best of everything. Some good people just don’t get a fraction of that, maybe that’s also a factor for me. Anyone else feeling the same or am I being uncompassionate?

OP posts:
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Twiglets1 · 09/09/2022 06:05

I’m bored of all the fake “grief” already- she was an extremely old woman who had come to the end of her long life. Not related to me, nothing to cry about.

PriOn1 · 09/09/2022 06:06

For me, it’s not so much about mourning the queen herself, as feeling like it’s really the end of an era. She’s been around my whole life, a kind of background fixture that has stayed the same, while everything else moved on, so despite it being expected, it still feels quite significant. I’m not deeply in mourning however, and am not in the UK, so won’t have the wall-to-wall coverage to contend with. The UK media does tend to go to extremes.

OfficiallyBroken · 09/09/2022 06:15

I got upset when I realised her family were rushing to be at her side. I've done that twice this year and it's heart wrenching to be going as quick as you can and knowing you might not be there on time. But that was less to do with the Queen and more to do with my recent trauma.

On the news of her passing I realise it's significant and it's right that the official steps are taken to mourn her but on a personal level I'm indifferent.

She did nothing to enrich my life, and frankly when we needed her to use her powers, she didn't (specifically blocking Brexit and insisting that a slim majority did not warrant lurching the entire country into the unknown without further diligence).

No we get to see another person born into wealth and entitlement step into her role, and this one takes no bones in telling us how shitty we are all behaving towards the planet despite the enormous carbon spend his family make. I'm expecting his first Christmas day speech to be self pitying and tone deaf.

iratepirate · 09/09/2022 06:15

Absolutely with you OP. Your first post sums up how I’m feeling about this. I really don’t understand a lot of the performative grieving we seem to see when a celebrity dies.

Tiswa · 09/09/2022 06:19

Yes I think it is as much as the symbolism and the impact her death will have.
People dislike change and the Queen has always been there - I work in the legal sector and the concept of suddenly seeing QCs as KC is odd. The Queens Bench in the Courts is the Kings Bench and will now remain that way for my lifetime and at least the majority of my childrens. And that is just in the legal bit currency/stamps etc

then the impact on the Commonwealth - Canada/Australia for example

and she was the most well known person in the world - she was the Queen

it will actually change quite a bit and I think because of the length of time she ruled it’s the likes of my 98 year old Nan who remember the impact a new Monarch has

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/09/2022 06:20

no one can tell you how to feel op

Flockbee · 09/09/2022 06:21

I really liked the queen but I agree, the media is very out of touch with what people actually want..

PepsiMaxandPringleStacks · 09/09/2022 06:22

Kind if a weird flex that you felt the need to start a thread stating this instead of just carrying on as normal and not acknowledging it whatsoever, which you would have done if you weren't bothered.

cathycoi · 09/09/2022 06:22

I am quite an unemotional person and I don't think I've ever cried when a famous person died, so it surprised me I was so upset.

Thinking about it though, I don't think it's only about the loss of the person herself (although that is sad), but also that feeling of an era ending and something that had always been constant, no longer being so.

It goes beyond just being sad that an elderly lady we didn't know, passed away.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 09/09/2022 06:23

I'm with you. However British people are bad at grieving, so I think a good proportion of the public outpouring of grief is projection from their own lives.

GnomeDePlume · 09/09/2022 06:24

iratepirate · 09/09/2022 06:15

Absolutely with you OP. Your first post sums up how I’m feeling about this. I really don’t understand a lot of the performative grieving we seem to see when a celebrity dies.

I tend to think of it as referred grief, like referred pain.

When one of our own loved ones dies quite often the feelings are very complicated: shock, relief, guilt, anger. The death of a public but remote figure allows us to feel simple sadness uncomplicated by other emotions.

I had this after DF died. A short while later a character in a soap died. I felt ridiculously sad about it. Then I realised that I was feeling sad about DF's death but the feeling had just been referred.

Roussette · 09/09/2022 06:24

It's strange isn't it? I am not a cold person, far from it, I can be reduced to tears over all sorts of things. Anyone robbed of life too early for instance.

But the fact the Queen was stood smiling just two days ago, means so different, for instance to my dear old Mum's painful death with her just begging the Doctors to give her something so she could die.
And the Queen was 96 and in the place she loved over all others... Balmoral. She has had the sort of death that some can only dream of.

It's the end of an era, that's for sure.

Tandoorimixedgrill · 09/09/2022 06:25

Absolutely agree. My 8 year old hit the nail on the head, when I look told him he said “it’s ok, she was very old and she wasn’t my nana”

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/09/2022 06:28

it is the loss of our history and tradition and the change,
god's sake the king

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/09/2022 06:28

ffs
god save the king

WoodlandMummy · 09/09/2022 06:32

Tandoorimixedgrill · 09/09/2022 06:25

Absolutely agree. My 8 year old hit the nail on the head, when I look told him he said “it’s ok, she was very old and she wasn’t my nana”

Sensible chap 👏🏼

Cheguevarahamster · 09/09/2022 06:38

Wel said OP.

londonrach · 09/09/2022 06:38

Totally understand. I see it as history in the making. The queen was old and ill. Her family who know her and loved her of course are upset. I'm sorry for them. I don't know her but watching with interest as it effects the UK and interested to see what happens now

oddlytired · 09/09/2022 06:41

We have organised a garden party for my daughters 21st tomorrow. Is it disrespectful to still go ahead now the queen has died? We do not want to upset or offend people.
However… she’s only 21 once! And there’s been a lot of prep!
What is the Etiquette now?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/09/2022 06:41

It's how you feel which isn't bad. But then you need to understand others may be feeling sad about it. It's not up to anyone to judge how someone else feels about the situation.

gogohmm · 09/09/2022 06:46

I get what you are saying. It's an end of an era for sure but I do not know her so I am not mourning or grieving her - that's for her family and friends. I have a lot of compassion for her immediate family who have lost their mother or grandmother yet need to be stoic. It's sad, but not in the shocking way when there's a tragedy because she was 96. May she rest in peace

userxx · 09/09/2022 06:46

I think everyone has got their own shit going on but that doesn't mean you can't feel sadness for something that isn't directly linked to your own existence.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 09/09/2022 06:48

google has gone black

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 09/09/2022 06:49

I feel odd about it, I think because We’ve all (unless we’ve very old) only ever known the queen as our monarch, so it a change.

I feel sad in the sense that I would if anyone died.

I don’t feel the need for the repetitive TV programming though. I don’t feel the need to go to London. Thought I understand others do and I think it’s ok people respond differently.

Lemons1571 · 09/09/2022 06:51

@oddlytired personally I’d go ahead. But be prepared that you may have dropouts / no shows (and try not to be too pissed off at them I guess). I’ll bet most people still come as let’s face it, the queen’s death is not actually affecting them personally.